I left Shanghai this morning and got to Taipei this afternoon. My cousin who just got in from NY yesterday, and his parents picked me up to head to the hospital to visit my gramps and see my mom and uncles and aunts.
I used to be very interested in medicine and thought for sure that would be the path I would be on today, but He had other plans. So because of that interest, I’ve spent plenty of time in hospitals – volunteering as a candy striper as young an age as they allowed, shadowing surgeons, helping patients, visiting friends/family... but whenever I enter and hospital and wander the halls, something about the smell of the general environment makes me feel uneasy. It brings back memories of my other grandfather who we all watched leave this world as we stood by his bedside.
My grandpa is not looking good. I was actually a bit shocked at his overall state, but nonetheless kept a smile on my face in hopes it would bring him some joy. I’m also not very good about sharing sad or negative feelings and emotions with my family in general. I’ve never been good at it – whether I’m feeling ill or just sad about whatever. I hit extremes – with family especially, I’m either happy and joyful, sometimes covering up the sadness or sickness, or tears streaming uncontrollably or suddenly vomiting or fainting because I can’t physically hold back the tears or cover up the sickness any longer. I’m strange...I know. Oh man, I’m thankful that all my aunts and uncles (my gramps 4 kids) are local enough to be around him, but I don’t know... it’s hard... I’m lost in my own thoughts and emotions right now.
We took him for a stroll into the basement of this hospital which has an underground area with huge food court, coffee shops, a McDs, 7-11, and other shops. It’s his 92nd birthday today so we had cake, and nearly started a fire with the candles at the coffee shop we were hanging at. My gramps just doesn’t want to eat – he had a couple bites, and that was it. And my grandma is a nagger, out of concern, but in general it’s in her personality to worry and complain and nag, so he’d get angry with us for trying to force him to eat. But even just his expression of anger and pain is just such a foreign thing for me to see. He’s so weak right now. I watched as the nurses unwrapped his feet to get some heat lamp treatment and wow – there are no words to describe his feet other than... charred perhaps? mummy’ish? Oh man, totally unreal. Scary stuff. And to think that deterioration all happened in the matter of a couple of months following a bad fall (and now long-term effects of diabetes kicking in). He needs much prayer. My grandma needs much prayer. My family needs it.
We took him for a stroll into the basement of this hospital which has an underground area with huge food court, coffee shops, a McDs, 7-11, and other shops. It’s his 92nd birthday today so we had cake, and nearly started a fire with the candles at the coffee shop we were hanging at. My gramps just doesn’t want to eat – he had a couple bites, and that was it. And my grandma is a nagger, out of concern, but in general it’s in her personality to worry and complain and nag, so he’d get angry with us for trying to force him to eat. But even just his expression of anger and pain is just such a foreign thing for me to see. He’s so weak right now. I watched as the nurses unwrapped his feet to get some heat lamp treatment and wow – there are no words to describe his feet other than... charred perhaps? mummy’ish? Oh man, totally unreal. Scary stuff. And to think that deterioration all happened in the matter of a couple of months following a bad fall (and now long-term effects of diabetes kicking in). He needs much prayer. My grandma needs much prayer. My family needs it.
We did have opportunities to talk to my uncle and aunt about Him and had a brief debate that didn’t go too far, but I’m thankful that doors are opening to even talk about Him... my mom and I need much prayer too... just to be patient with my grandma and to love her. She is someone who seems incapable of trusting people, always suspicious that someone is trying to do something against her or someone, and we’ve got people looking after my gramps 24/7... and we need them to continue with that... but my grandma has this ability to drive people away because of her insecurity... and it’s hard for my mom... for anyone to talk any sense into her. I’ve only been here for less than 24 hours, and my patience is already started to wear...
But... what’s really cool is that I had bought Mere Christianity in Chinese for my grandfather. When I walked into the hospital room, I was sad to see that he was not in a state to read... tonight I gave my grandmom a couple devo books I had gotten along with some snacks I brought from China for her. I happened to put Mere Christianity on the table. My mom and I left to hit up a café. When we came back, I saw Mere Christianity face down, open, on the coffee table. My grandma came back to the living room and sat down and seemed to really be into the book! Even as my mom was watching the tv in front of her, my grandma continued to read. I totally never imagined my grandma to like that style of writing, but He continues to remind me that I must learn to trust Him in all situations and stop trying to control His plans for His children. Praying that she continues to seek Him and that she would be transformed by His spirit.
I’m looking forward to Church tomorrow, although still praying and asking which one He wants us to go to. My unbelieving uncle, during our debate over dinner, actually said that we should take grandma to church – she needs it! Preach it!
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