bum knee and a bum real world...

i really enjoy working with kids and coaching... so meaningful.

anyways, so this retarded knee of mine is... well.. retarded. i've been warned several times by pt people and doc that i cannot play yet cuz i could blow it out again.. losing other structures... well, . how much longer does "yet" mean? i get frustrated at the medical world for not letting me play and for not giving me a specific timeframe for when i could be back playing, but then at the same time, i understand that this is a wait and see, time will only tell, injury... time will only tell if i can compensate for the lost with other structures.. but the impatient side of me sees that time as lost time. if in the end i'll have to get surgery, then i'd rather just get the surgery now, and then begin the 8-9 month recovery instead of waiting another month (already been out for 3 months!), finding out i need it, and then making this dumb injury and recovery into a more than year long deal...

but of course, if i don't need the surgery, then that would be best of course... 9 months vs. 4-5 months... plus, i really would like to take advantage of the soccer and coaches in hartford area while i'm there for the year... if surgery, then no soccer, no frequent skiing/boarding trips... basically hartford would suck.

brother's a pain too... seems like my parents and bro want me to look more into this surgery option... they don't think i've done my research or asked around enough? i hate people trying to run my life. he accused me of being too proud for not telling my family the truth about my injury. yeah it's true that when they ask, "does it hurt," i always respond with a "no." but it sure isn't due to pride. i hate telling my family about my booboos cuz they always make a big deal about it. i can't stand the nagging and the "does it hurt?", "are you okay?", "stop playing soccer". i never could stand that.. since i was a kid, i never complained about that kind of stuff to them... never cuz i was too proud to admit that i was hurting...

whatever...

finally handed in our paper for our group project at work... a whopping 81 pages.. lots of late nights, sorry.. endless nights.. but all done now. we have our 3rd development session next week, ending with our presentation of the project to the top execs of the organization. can't wait for this thing to be over... i've had enough of this.. actually, i've had enough of work in general. this real world thing is really not cool...

college with even less sleep

wow.. now i'm really feeling like i'm in college... only worse.. cuz i have to wake up at the crack of dawn.. or rather.. in not even a couple hours. well, i did have a nice weekend chilling with some aweseom people i studied abroad with... but guess now i'm suffering the consequences... work.. weekend of no sleep.. and now, even less sleep...

guess i'll just load up on the caffeine...

just like college... waiting till the last minute.

i feel like i'm in college again.. we have these dumb annoying group projects.. just finished working on our white paper, for now at least.. weird, deja vu of workgin on that seminar paper...

night.

blue collars and white collars

so my normal 1:15 drive to philly took 3.5 hours today... it took about 2.5 hours to inch along less than 5 miles...

oh, so I was asked to mentor an intern who was part of program called WorkReady... gives hs/college kids an opp to explore future careers. pretty funny that i had an intern and was asked to mentor him since i myself could use some mentoring. so my manager and i were scrounging around, pleading.. yes, literally pleading co-workers for simple busywork to give this guy... (i got my first lesson on pleading...live from my manager herself).

so anyways, he doesn't show up on Monday and we're all wondering where this kid is.. then I find out that he's not going to be able to work with us because he's juggling two other jobs.. pretty crazy. i spent some time getting to know the kid and realized just how spoiled i am. i asked what he wanted to get out of the internship and his response was: "well, this is a white collar building right?" and i sat there and seriously had to think about this question... i knew what he meant, but never thought in those terms, and did not know how to respond. gives you a much different perspective on society... and on youreslf... although i think the real reason why he quit is that we bored him by what we do... oops. anyhow, so he only worked for me for 4 hours, and then that was it! well, i seem to have failed at this mentoring thing... such a failure... hope it doesn't go on my permanent record... i must say, it is a relief to both my manager and i to not have to worry about finding/pleading people for things this kid could do.... don't get me wrong.. i think this is a great program, but it's just bad timing.. my manager and i were given 2 days notice... things are crazy for me, and having someone else to worry about is just too much to think about.

help me hear you

it's so frustrating.. i've demonstrated that i'm quite capable everywhere except for in my own family. no one in my fam trusts me with the decisions i have to make for my own life. mom, dad, bro.. they're always right.. me.. in their eyes, i'm always wrong. i want to grow up, but i can't because my life is run by my family. yeah, in the end it's my decision, but i do respect them. why should i feel bad for selecting my own path.. or in this situation, just an apt?? why do i almost always fall back on what they insist upon?? i'm sick and tired of having these losing arguments...

worked at victory soccer camp on monday and tuesday... it's so awesome to coach kids in a sport that God has really blessed me with... despite the bum leg and all... and have the freedom and the encouragement to share the gospel with these kids... what an awesome privelige and opportunity... that's what it's all about... loving and sharing the good news... really made me want to fast forward this potential career switch.... teaching perhaps...

took a quick trip to hartford to visit my future office and colleagues, then checked out a couple of apts.. the job sounds pretty cool... my direct manager is the chief strategy officer so that's pretty cool. pretty nice guy... should be a busy year...

anyways, i'm tired and a bit frustrated... so... i'm going to go out and kick a ball around despite the messed up knee. i'm tired of sitting around.. so i'm choosing sanity over pain. thanks.. and please don't tell me i should be careful with the knee because quite frankly... i'm kind of tired of everyone telling what i should do with my life.. too much outside noise distracting the one and only voice that I must hear and obey.. my big daddy upstairs...