see you next year

Ignites.com reported: "The investor exodus had begun in earnest, and eventually would add up to $40 billion in outflows, knocking Putnam from the fifth biggest mutual fund company down to sixth."

How does a company lose 40 BILLION bucks and move down 1 spot, from 5th to 6th? Sheesh, I thought they'd be kicked off of the top 10 at least.

Talk to you next year!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

So since last I wrote, some interesting things have happened... I passed a securities license exam, networked with my company's CEO on the soccer field (and nearly broke my leg playing), my cousin was stabbed (in Brooklyn, so all of you folks out in the city, please be careful), saw the Lion King (great show), Return of the King was really good too... and, really most of my time has been spent at work or studying.. and thinking about what the heck I want to do with my life.

I don't know.. work is not bad.. I'm definitely learning, but I feel like there's so many other things outside of the financial industry that I want to experience and try. I'm torn because I like the company, and have networked a bit within the company. I also think that the program I'm in is very good and something that, if I were to stay in this field, would want to be trained and grow-up and broaden my business/financial experience through. I guess the main problem is that this is something that I can do well if I work hard (as can anybody), but I just don't know if I want to, or if this is what God has planned for me...

I know that God is in charge of my life, and has put me in this place, in this job for a good reason, but it's just been difficult for me to be satisfied with what He has graciously given me. I know I need to be more thankful and live one day at a time, but it's been quite a challenge. I feel like all I do is work. I wake up early in teh mroning, go to work, sit there all day, come home, then study for work or do research for other projects. I know that God is using this time right now to prepare me for what lies ahead, but it's difficult to not know what lies ahead and be satisfied with the situation at hand. (did that make any sense?? probably not..).

Anyways, so basically, I'm a bit confused right now, but that's alright.. that's life.. For now, I'm just looking forward to using my 2nd official vacation day of my adult life tomorrow and hit the slopes at Mountain Creek... really wish i had winter break...

Merry Christmas, and if I don't write before the new year hits, Happy New Year!

work-life balance?

Isabel... perhaps a state of emergency will be declared in pa, and i won't have to go to work!!! fat chance... i don't even hear the whistle of the wind or the pounding rain..

so work life... i guess you can never really win.. i got loaded with a lot of work today, so it's kinda stressful, but at the same time, lots of work forces you and challenges you to learn and get caught up on the things necessary for you to get the tasks that need to be done. if you're not challenged, then you're just sitting there bored, which really isn't much fun either. oh well... hehe...

almost the weekend! women's world cup kicking off this saturday at lincoln financial field! can't wait! my dad's taking me to the games.. anybody want tickets, i might be able to get a COUPLE... email me at tw195 asap.

bye! Jared, so when did you get this soccer kick? we never got to play this summer!!! next time...

transitioning to adulthood

Alright, so things have changed quite a bit since I last wrote. Well 1, I finally have a computer that has a working backspace and enter key. and fast internet... ahhh...

2, I've entered the real world.. the work world... very scary I admit it, I definitely belong in kindergarten, where teachers nurture, you get snack time, take naps, play... what else could you ask for?! (On a side note, the day before I started working, my dad looked at me straight in the face and said, "Now Tammy, it's okay to be a baby at home, but you can't be a baby at work, ok?" said that with a very straight face...:)) Actually, it's been what, a little over a month since I first started work, and I am just about ready to retire!

3. My house isn't my home anymore... My parents closed up our house, the house I grew up in since I was like 7 or 8. It was sooo sad. Oh well, it's not like they moved far, just to a different place.. not happy about that...I have so many memories of that place.. and, my doggie's ashes will remain there forever without me... :(

4. Not only did my parents move, I too have relocated to Philadelphia. It's okay I guess--a pretty cute city, but it just isn't good 'ole New York City... Man, things close so freakin early here, like earlier than things in the suburbs I grew up in... no joke..

So this summer was pretty good.. nice and relaxing. All I did was eat, sleep, and play soccer. I was playing in this awesome league on a horrible team.. well, we lost every game, some of them pretty badly, but it was cool to see our improvement (can't tell by the scores.. hehe)... what do you expect? our team was newly put together, whereas the other teams had been playing and practicing together for years... plus, they had like 2x the # of players we had, so by the 2nd half, we were just too tired, which then led to the unfortunate situation of tammy, being the goalie, getting screwed... oh well.. it was fun to travel in a tiny van every weekend. i even signed a few autographs (despite the fact that we lost a game 10-0.. that was a first for me)! then i started working at this christian soccer camp. now that was pretty cool.. i definitely wish i could do that full-time... this work thing... really gets in the way of my desired schedule..

Alright, so anyways, I guess work life is alright. Orientation was great fun. We were basically treated like kings and queens, did some team building stuff at a ropes course place, went to Eagles training camp, met the kicker... pretty fun time. To my dismay, real work at the office is not nearly as exciting. However, on a positive note, work is almost like college all over again, cuz there are a bunch of first and second year people in the program that I am in, so we basically go out, play, eat lunch, and work together... so that keeps things somewhat lively. I am learning a lot though, which is good I suppose... hehe...

Just found out last night that the WUSA is terminating. That kinda bums me out cuz even though I'm far from getting there, at least i had something, some sort of goal to work for. I guess we'll see what happens.

alright, well, that's enough for now. i hope you all are doing well. i really miss all of you, the young'ens at school and the older people, me included, friends and family... i apologize for being bad about kit... summer was pretty filled with craziness and having a very slow computer using a modem and phone line to connect to the internet, just made for a poor situation... anyways, hope all is well!! have a great day!

oh finals... lots of memories.

it's been awhile since i wrote.. you know the deal...finals... so i'm sitting here in the 3rd floor lerner computer lab, munching on carrots and a snack bag of cheetos.. yeah, you know, those little bags mom and dad used to pop in your lunch baggy...finished my last final.. and now trying to write this 20 page paper for my seminar class.. and progress is being made very slowly.. hehe.. i'm coming to the realization that it's all coming to an end... so after 5-6 consecutive days of 2-4 hours of sleep every night 2x a year, it's finally coming to an end. this is it for me, well, at least for undergrad... as much as it sucks when you're actually going through it, i think i'm going to miss stayign up all night, constantly snacking in desperation to keep the body awake...

well, it's been fun studying, sleeping in lerner these past 4 years... lots of memories here.. hehe..

aight.. sheesh.. gotta get this paper done. good luck all!

umm... not so sure about philly

yo man, i don't want to live in philly... check out the stats!

violent crimes (murder, rape, robbery, assault) - NYC: 977.8; Philly: 1571.6
property crimes (burglary, larceny, auto-theft) -NYC: 2744.8; Philly: 5180

what the heck man! no one told me about this! and i thought nyc was bad....

missing china

i really miss my buddies from china and the country itself, so well, hope you don't mind as a reminisce a bit this week on my xanga...

welcome to my favorite restaurant in China... and in the US too.. apple pies in asia, oh, and in puerto rico, are soo much better than ours, yummy!

meet my friend sylvia...can you guess which one she is? she's my buddy from vegas... yeah, vegas.. people actually live there... from ciee china program... good luck girly!

...i'll have to repost these pics...

yummy food...

i hung out with my mommy and her friends in flushing today. yo.. they have some goood food in flushing mall.. really good fruit smoothies.. or whatever it was i ordered.. i wanted a simple mango smoothy, with fresh mangos.. but of course, i stupidly decided to initiate the ordering process in chinese.. so i say..yeah, i want a mang guo (mango) flavored one (pointing at the picture).. and then she says some stuff really fast in chinese or hong kongese or something. she was obviously asking me a question, so i'm like.. duh.. uhh.. so i look at the menu on the wall, and i start feeling really stupid, cuz i don't know what the heck she wants, and i can't read any of it... hahaha.. except for this one that says (bing sha).. so i got that .. and whatever, in the end it was really goood.. also in flushing, there's this great place, on that street that ten ren is on, that has really awesome shaved ice stuff.. woh.. really, really good..

i think flushign will be my new place to study.. i actually got a lot of reading done hopping from teahouse to cafe while i was waiting for my mom...

have a great Easter sunday y'all!

true love

YAY!! if you think i'm happy... i wonder what heaven's like right now!!! probably a huge party up there for our new sister!!! yay!!

the point that chris white made about the presence of a God.. if you believe there's something out there.. some superior being or force that created this earth and the complexities of human beings, then you had better do some searching.. find out who or what this God or whatever is... you can't keep on sitting around waiting because the truth of the matter is, you never know when your life, or this world, will end. personally, i think it'd be really sad to be living for nothing.. there has to be a purpose why i'm on this earth, and the first thing i would want to know, before stressing about my papers and studying, is who or what i'm living for... i don't konw.. at least that's how i feel.

it makes me sad knowing that some of my friends and family don't yet know the truth i hold... and i want so desperately for them to know and believe the living truth, but yet often i find myself too worried about the small things... like how my friend will react, or what they'll think of me..., and so end up either sharing a diluted version of my walk with JC, or not sharing anything at all...

actually, i find it interesting that it's often the christians who are afraid of speaking the direct simple message of JC... instead, we work around speaking the truth with tangential arguments and comments, waiting for that one right moment when you will confront your friend with the truth... (i don't think that made any sense.. whatevers)... but what defines the "right" moment? does that "right" moment ever come?? if we keep on living like that, we're not going to be doign what God's called us to do. we need to be bold... step out of our comfort zones...

i dont' want to wait any longer... i want my friends to know JC on a real level, not just a holiday/Sunday Christian kinda deal... i mean, what if something did happen... what if, God forbid, their life was taken unexpectedly... how horrible would it be to know that i would never ever see them again... i would feel so guilty... i love seeing and being with my friends and family on earth now.. i'm sure it'll be 20 million times better in heaven, where there aren't all these horrible worldly sufferings goign on...

Jesus died for me today... Good Friday.. he died an extremely painful death for me and for you... he was a good, innocent, and pure person, and yet he had his hands and feet nailed to a cross, and left to hang and die there... and he did this for me and you.. he did it so we could be washed free of our sins, and so that we could live forever with Him and God in beautiful heaven... if only we accept him...
now that's love.

you can either accept it, or not.... but then, what are you living for? if you believe there's some greater power out there, then please, find out who or what it is... don't wait until it's too late, and feel free to chat with me about it.. alright.. i'm off to Good Friday service.. laters.

creating man and woman

sheesh.. i keep on leaving my keys in my room.. i must really be getting old...

up all night working on a paper about saddam hussein. any questions about him while he's still fresh in my head?

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Jesus Week 2003!

Jesus Week 2003!!! Woohoo!!! Praise night was awesome tonight. it really let me put things back in perspective. Yeah, i have this annoying paper to write, but there's no point in "blahing" over it... there are so many opps this week to you know... this is the week Jesus was crucified. for me to sit here and let my work overwhelm my walk with big daddy and worse yet, on such an important week as this.. is really, really quite a disappointment on my part...

yeah, i'm gonna do my work and do it well... but i'm gonna try not to glut over it... focus on JC first, and then everything else will be put in its place, not the other way around.

tomorrow night (Tuesday night): "Christianity and the War in Iraq: Two Perspectives," 8 pm, law school, jerome greene hall, room 102.

man, and these t-shirts... cool.. but way too much selection.. i have it strategically planned out which shirt to where what day based on certain classes... but dude, these shirts add up $$$, plus.. i don't really need that many blue tshirts... so what IS the word?? i don't get it... guess we'll find out on thursday night.

a future in law enforcement?

had to go home this thursday and ran into coach dre (princeton hs's track coach) at ruby tuesday's! craziness!! I used to run into him outside of school all the time. stopped by the hs on friday morning and met up with the athletic dept there.. haha.. i'm such a loser.. anyways, had a good time catching up with salazar, boys soc coach and wrestling coach...

so salazar can picture me working in law enforcement.. or the fbi or something... he said that i can be really nice, but i also have an edge that well.. basically, i guess he's seen the meanness come out in soc games back in the day.. it would be fun working for the fbi.. haha..

comments?? so should i do business or law enforcement?

no more sprint! can you hear me?

soc...reassurances really are not always all that comforting/encouraging when the person who's trying to reassure thinks he understands but really doesn't...

i have tai duo crap to do... argh...

new cell... if i know you and you want the number, please email me. no more sprint!! yay!

have a good weekend! finally... warmth... spring...

losing it

aiya... i totally lost my cool with my coach in the middle of my game yesterday. i got so angry and frustrated with soccer, my coach, and myself that the idea of quitting soccer actually entered my mind as i was on the field playing a match. after the game a couple of my teamates and i were complaining about the game, our team, the coach, etc... and of course i vented my frustrations as well, placing more blame on other factors, other people for how i felt. ugh... please forgive me for that. let's face it, i was angry and frustrated with myself for not making the saves and for losing my cool and letting my emotions takeover my heart and mind.

God wants me out there for a reason, but how the heck am i going to exude His love and kindness when i'm all screwed up inside, self-absorbed in my selfish thoughts, frustrations, and anger.

amazing how such a tiny event can consume so much of my thought and feelings. yeah, you could say it's just soccer, it's just a game... but, I've gotta make the most for God of every opportunity I get. He's the one who's given me the opportunities and abilities, and he's the one who I've chosen to live for.

is it worth the time and effort to keep on training? i know i'm far from reaching my childhood goals and dreams, but what about God's plan for me? why does He keep putting little forward steps to encourage my dreams? well anyways, it's not up to me, so all i can do is keep praying and seeking his will, and trying my hardest in all i do. when life meets its obstacles, you can either be crushed by them, or press on with the determination JC would have to overcome them. i choose the latter. i gotta refocus/recenter my heart back on God, and let Him lead me, let him control my emotions and words.

the fertility bunny - the easter story

last friday night, we had an international dinner and Easter presentation for the international students in our conversation groups. twas lots of fun, especially because i got to play the role of the goddess of fertility in a lovely skit about easter. once i get a videoclip of it, i'll consider posting it... you will never ever look at the easter bunny or the easter egg the same way again... at least i've been totally changed.

one more thing... why does every foreigner think i'm korean or japanese? at the international dinner and in china... people would start talking about me being a korean as if i didn't understand them! i am american and chinese... oh, and partially italian... thanks to my dad Bosco. :)

snowing in april

april 1st.. and it's freakin snowing!!! craziness.. maybe i can still get a couple of runs over at mountain creek...skiing or boarding or something...

the gk coach i want to work with... he's awesome.. i worked with him at a camp a bunch of years back and he's the gk coach for the ny/nj metrostars... called me yesterday, but sprint sucks!!! we kept on getting disconnected and i couldn't call through and all that fun stuff.. argh.. oh well, i guess it's not in my hands.. if the big guy wants it to happen, then things will work out i guess.. i need to learn to have patience...

there goes my gaa...

what the heck! it was so warm yesterday, and today it was freezing!!! even some snowflakes this evening...

soccer game was bad. we got beat pretty bad.. quite bad... oh well, there goes my goals against average...

(not so) smart spending

Went to Lotus last night (friday)... really nice, posh restaurant/club/lounge... spent way too much money... argh.. and i wasn't even planning on going... but you all know how i am.. i'm very easily suckered into doing things.. haha.. i guess it was a good experience, but crazy expensive. on the taxi ride home last night.. i felt sooo guilty... so annoyed of myself. i totally coulda spent that money on more beneficial or useful means. oh well... twas an experience.

on a more positive note, spending all that money on food and club last night really made me look at what's important in my life and where i would and could put that money to better use. it also pacified some of the reluctance i had to spending a big sum of money on the things that actually are important in my life.

about the war... i could talk forever about the war and come up with no conclusion as to whether or not i'm pro- or anti-. but i was reminded yesterday by a friend that what stance we hold towards the war is not the pressing issue. what's important is that as a christian, we're out there caring and loving the people on our campus who are hurting cuz a family member or someone is in the war or something...
pray for the soldiers of both sides, their families, the civilians in Iraq, and Bush and other government leaders involved...

returning to America after a semester in China

Okay... so it's already almost April of 2003, but I wanted to post up an entry about my feelings and thoughts after I returned from China. I apologize cuz it's pretty long...

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I started writing this the day after I returned from my four months studying abroad in China. However, my desire and determination to formulate and record my feelings and thoughts on paper/computer quickly waned. I regret not writing this all down because it is impossible to look back and recollect the feelings and emotions that I had felt upon returning to America. Attempting now to formulate my thoughts just really doesn¡¯t cut it¡­but, I will do my best. Better now than never, right?

Technology is amazing, isn¡¯t it? No, I¡¯m not commenting on the marvels of the Internet or even Xanga persay, but I¡¯m talking about airplanes. (Yeah, yeah¡­so I¡¯m a bit out of touch with my generation). It¡¯s great. I hop on the plane in Beijing on July x, of course taking into account the time changes and all, and arrive back to New York on July x, the same date, and at an earlier hour than I had left. Now that¡¯s what you call not wasting any time!

Next thing I know, I¡¯m in the San Francisco airport, ready to collapse because of the ridiculously massive backpack carry-on I was shouldering. You know how the weight limit for checked in baggage is 65 or 70 pounds? Well, I would bet that my CARRY-ON weighed just about that much, well, maybe a bit less, but pretty close. So I make it through immigration, go to my brother¡¯s apartment¡­

My initial reactions upon my return to America:

1) driving is much faster and civilized here, at least in suburban type areas

2) what people say is a crappy, tiny apartment in the States is comparable to quite a luxurious place in China

3) toilet paper in America is so much softer¡­ my poor tushy¡­

4) Chinese people don¡¯t all speak Chinese in America

5) Chinese restaurants¡¯ menus are written in English and I could read and order food by myself

6) Censored news in China is really not all that bad.

Prior to going to China, I looked down upon these governmental controls as restricting the freedom and rights of the citizens. However, after arriving back in America and turning on the TV, and being immediately bombarded by crime, kidnappings, war, terror, my opinion changed¡­just briefly though. I just was not ready to be suddenly attacked by the realities of society and the world, especially after four months of separation from the society of which I had been raised.

I felt oddly out of place after I came back, to some extent because I had no idea what was going on politically and socially in the world, but more so because I felt estranged from my friends and society itself. On March 1, 2001, with uncontrollable tears rolling down my face, left my parents, embarking on this adventure to China. March passed, April, May, June, and then July came around¡­my life had changed during those four months, but the people who knew me best prior to my departure in March and whom I returned back to in July, knew very little about the good, the bad, and the exciting I experienced my past four months. My new environment was an adventure full of new things and new people entering my life, while my friends back in the States, continued with their routinized life that rotated around their academic/work schedule. My four months were far from being routinized into daily tasks and ritual deeds. Rather, I was learning, constantly growing and changing.

I returned back to the US with that same yearning for knowledge, for change and excitement, but instead, was confronted with reality. Home is home. The only thing that had changed at home was my room¡ªleft it strewn with clothes and toys that I couldn¡¯t stuff into my suitcases and now it was much, much cleaner¡­thanks to mom and dad.

Anyways, it¡¯s hard to explain my feelings in words. We had a talk about reverse culture shock before our program ended, and well, I guess I was experiencing it. Basically, I felt out of place. I felt as if I had fallen off the face of the earth, or into a four month long coma, and had now returned, awoken to a society that had barely changed. It¡¯s not that nothing changed. Remember, I left for China the semester following the disasters of September 11, 2001. Moving from life in NYC following the terror attacks very aware and vigilant of the global state, to China, a place where news is under censorship, was quite a jump. I had four months free from worrying and stressing about Al-Queda and terror and shootings and crime. Immediately upon my return, I was welcomed by kidnappings, shootings, war¡­the list goes on forever, airing 24 hours a day on television. Whatever¡­it was silly, illusionary, of me to think that the things I secretly ruminated and stressed over throughout the day living in NYC, would just somehow vanish into thin air upon my return from China four months later.

To further elicit my feelings of estrangement from society and people, let¡¯s move to my confrontation with old friends. Very understandably, I was constantly being asked, ¡°So how was it?¡± My response: ¡°It was good, it was awesome.¡± End of conversation. Quite a vague and unsatisfying response, but how am I too answer such a question? It¡¯s not that I wanted to hide anything from the person, but more of an issue of how to sum up a 4 month experience into three minutes of talk time, and how much this person truly cares to know about your whole adventure. To give the question justice, I would have to cover all facets of my experience, including 1. living in China; 2. going to school in China; 3. meeting new people there; 4. traveling through the country; 5. being a Christian there¡­ the list could literally go on forever ¨C clearly an hopeless endeavor.

Gosh, there was so much that I wanted to share with people, but just could not, save boring them to death. Only the friends I developed in China would understand and find pleasure in the things I wanted to talk about. If I had to sum up my experience in one sentence, well, it was an adventure that alienated me from the comforts and stresses of home, forcing me to explore a new environment and culture, create new friendships, and undergo an introspection of self. Simply put: it was fun and I learned a lot.

how to find/pick a job

sorry.. last of the long posts...My reply to a friend's email asking: can you tell me more about what kind of job it is that you got and why you were looking for that kind of job and why you decided to take it? does it have anything to do with what you majored in? and about the internships you've had before: were they related to what you studied? did what you study help in any way? did they provide any training, and was that training actually useful

hey ..i can't talk to long.. so let me tell you real quick how i came to my decision and all that stuff..

first things first.. i think what's most important in all of this job/future stuff is trusting God and seeking God's will for us.. No, it won't always be clearcut which way God wants us to go, however, I think He is honored and happy just by the fact that we consider Him first in all of our decisions.

I chose to be a poli-sci major because 1. after returning from china with the smile train summer of frosh year, i realized that i knew nothing about the world.. i met kids from other countires, such as uganda.. who told me that epople get their ears chopped off for no reason at all... and stuff like that really woke me up a bit.. i realized how amerocentric i had been and desired to learn more about the rest of the wordl.. 2. felt like iw as learning new stuff in SOME of my polisci classes...( some, meaning, the ones i actually stayed awake through).. 3. i didn't want to take orgo, physics, and go to school foreever...so no med school.. hehe.. switching to poli sci was very new to me because i am definitely more of a sciency person.. but it was challenging and i felt like i was learning, so i stuck with it..

why business? well, starting with my smiletrain internship, i began doing stuff like project management and designing and selling a project, developedinterpersonal communication skills nad stuff like that... realized that what i was doing at smiletrain was sort of buseiness oriented, so i pursued some internship that was more business worldy...

next summer interned at sbli usa life insurance.. a financial services company.. there i learned a lot about myeslf and about business in general.. working in the strategy planning group allowed me to taste all the different deparatment so fthe business and see how companies expanded and stuff like that. i was given some important responsbilities like leading company wide projects.. i found this all to be pretty cool.. i like planning things and leading projects and groups, and also like working on teams, with other people.. all key aspects of business..

i wanted to learn more about the financial business industry.. wall street and stuff.. got internship at morgan stanley.. let me see the more financial stuff.. so basically, since the smile train, i've gotten pretty good exposure to business and have forced myself to pursue it further.. my brother has also impacted my path towards business because well, he's in that field.. and since i've alwyas sort of followed in his footsteps.. it just seemed like the thing to do... (though i know this is very poor reasoning.. )

all fall i was doing the whole submit reume and interviewing thingy.. had some good interviews, but in the end, all rejections.. got quite used to rejectsions.. hehehe... (just blame it on the job market..). but after a really good 2nd round with ____( i really liked this company), and after getting rejected.. i got kinda depressed for a brief moment. i mean, this was around thanksgiving time, which is really towards the end of the recruting process for many of these top financial companies... but theni got mad at myself for getting depressed because i realized that God was in contorl.. that He has my life planned out, and that perhaps he just does not want me in finance..

so that's when i decided that i really needed to consider something else that he might have in line for me.. __ and some other staff workers that i've worked with through the years have sort of encouraged me to really pray about staffing with iV.. my response was always, ok, i'll think about it.. but inside i was always like, yeah right.. hehe.. i really did not want to staff mostly because of prideful reasons.. and i knew my reasons were not right, but that's just how i felt.. after these rejecttions, __ sat down to talk to me to really consider staffing more, and that's exactly what i did... it was crazy.. all these coincidences happened wherei would run into someone totally random at 7 am on the subway who attneds iv once in awhile.. and staffed years ago.. then she'd start talking about stuff. . and somehow, staffing would come up!! crazyiness!! so anyways, i basically go t really scared taht this is what God wanted me to do and i really struggled a lot becaus!
e i wanted to do what God wanted me to do, since after all he is the ultimate authority and I sing these praise songs and pray to God saying that He's awesome and that I trust his will an dstuff... but yet i still could not give my heart to God.. i was still learning towards somethign other than staffing...

so finally, after 2nd rounds with lincoln financial group (c0. i'm working for next year), i fall in love with teh company and the people and program and everything... after the interviews, i decided that if i get an offer from them, i will choose either lincoln or staffing with IV.

so i hear back that i got an offer, and i have less than aweek to decide.. eeks.. i get the offer on a friday, and the retreat is that weekend.. so it was perfect for me to really think and pray through this decision adn stuff...

so at the retreat i'm still struggling over this decision.. but my main struggle was not the decision itself, it was more of a inner heart struggle , i was getting mad at myself for not becaing able to give the decision to God.. you know wat i mean? sorry.. i guess it's kind of hard to explain.. i talk to some people , the senior girls and other peoples.. and i come to the decision to take the job.

why? well, i think God put this struggle over whether or not to staff in life because he wanted me to 1. always put God first.. in all decisions that i make and all that's given to me, i need to have Christ as the centerpiece.. because of the struggle i went throgh in this decision makking process, i feel that it has and will remind me that my top priority is God, not work, not school, not my parents...
i think he wanted me to share this experience.. of living the fiath.. to my friends adn others i'm close to.. i got to share .. about this.. i hope it showed them that Christianity is not just something i do on the weekend, but it's an always 24/7 thing..

i know that God will use me in either place, business or staffing, and after i got the offer, i could have easily said yes, i will take the offer without consulting God first, but as a Christian ("Little Christ"), I feel that it's important to bring it before God and seek his will... i didn't realize this, but someone who i talked to said that just by my struggling over what to do shows God that I have a desire to and am trying to seek his will... i hope so at least.. who knows.. 2-3 years from now, he might call me elsewhere.. maybe back to staffing.. that's what's so exicitng about the Christian life.. you never know where or what God will call you to.. but it's importnat for us to listen..

it didn't help that my favorite song.. use me here.. was sang 3 of the 4 praise sets at the retreat.. hehe.. "use me here, where i am, i'm not going to pray anymore that you'll change your plans...". hehe.. anyways, i'm totally at peace with my decision to take the job and i know God will use me there..

oh, the reason why i wanted to do finance in the first place was because i knew the environment will be totally crazy and stressful.. i hope to be alight in that environment... there are so many lost people in finance and well.. that's why we're out there...

more about the job i took.. i'm working for lincoln financial group.. they do a variety of financial service stuff... life insturacne, annuities, mutual funds, investment mangagement, etc.. i'll be in the lincoln financial distributors..official title: product/market development and communications associate. my division wholesales the company's products to intermediaries.. eg.. banks like merrill lynch and salomon smitth.. i'm not really sure mysefl what i'll be doing.. haha..

the program i'm in is called professional developemtn program (pdp). it's a 2-3 year rotational program, so next year i will be in a different division of the company so that i can learn about other parts of the business. (so who knows, i might end up in indiana in the retirment area or connecticut for life insurance next year) after my rotations, the goal is for me and the other pdp participants to role out into leadership positions, management, etc.. basically, they are training us to be the future leaders of the company... the training is all hands-on, as they know that i'm not too knowledgeable about finance and stuff.. they say that "knowledge" is the easiest thing to change (other personality traits, for example, would be harder to change).. so they want us to learn.. hopefully the guy i will be working udner will be cool.. lincoln's ceo and management want this program to work, so they're spending a lot on us.. so it's pretty cool... as related to what i studied!
.. i think you use the stuff you learned in school, like learning to think, analyze, answer problesms, working with people, etc... i know i'm not writing in gramamatical sentecnes.. sorry.. i really need to hurry.. but anyways, in other words, i will not be utilizing the stuff i learned in the texbook of my chinese politics class or middle east class in my job.. hehe.. okies.. hey, if you have nay more questions, i'dbe happy to answer, ok? i jut gotta be upreally early tomorrow so i need hit the sack..

just remember, seek God first and then all things will come, ok? i know that especially when times are stresssul, it's hard to incorporate God into our lives, but that's when we really need him... so put all the busyness aside for 10 minutes, and spend some time with him.. it's amazing.., really.. don't worry man, God's in control.. i praying for you, ok?

what do i think you should do? come back and play with me.. but i'm selfish .. hehe.. i miss my bao ber..
woh.. i just wrote a crazy long email.. osrry...
aight later.ss.