losing it

aiya... i totally lost my cool with my coach in the middle of my game yesterday. i got so angry and frustrated with soccer, my coach, and myself that the idea of quitting soccer actually entered my mind as i was on the field playing a match. after the game a couple of my teamates and i were complaining about the game, our team, the coach, etc... and of course i vented my frustrations as well, placing more blame on other factors, other people for how i felt. ugh... please forgive me for that. let's face it, i was angry and frustrated with myself for not making the saves and for losing my cool and letting my emotions takeover my heart and mind.

God wants me out there for a reason, but how the heck am i going to exude His love and kindness when i'm all screwed up inside, self-absorbed in my selfish thoughts, frustrations, and anger.

amazing how such a tiny event can consume so much of my thought and feelings. yeah, you could say it's just soccer, it's just a game... but, I've gotta make the most for God of every opportunity I get. He's the one who's given me the opportunities and abilities, and he's the one who I've chosen to live for.

is it worth the time and effort to keep on training? i know i'm far from reaching my childhood goals and dreams, but what about God's plan for me? why does He keep putting little forward steps to encourage my dreams? well anyways, it's not up to me, so all i can do is keep praying and seeking his will, and trying my hardest in all i do. when life meets its obstacles, you can either be crushed by them, or press on with the determination JC would have to overcome them. i choose the latter. i gotta refocus/recenter my heart back on God, and let Him lead me, let him control my emotions and words.