more than enough...

God I am overwhelmed with life.  I can't believe I leave for India in a few weeks.  I just came back from Cambodia, China, and Taiwan.  Okay, maybe that was just over a month ago...  but LA two weeks ago, DC last week, and NYC this week... makes it feel like I've been home for all of... a week.  I am pooped.  I am tired of responsibility.  I am tired of making decisions.  I don't want to think about the things that need to be done.  Forgive me God, but sometimes I find myself frustrated and lost for what to do because I don't want to think of others needs before mine.  God what does it mean to truly and fully and sincerely "love you from the inside out", to "give it all", instead of the posture I've been taking all day, full of self-pity because I'm frustrated with work stuff and commitments, where I hear myself saying, "well, what about me?"  and I can hear God responding... "what about you?  Haven't I given you enough.  I've given you more than enough."  Right on, but sometimes it's still hard.

I want to just sit by myself... I want to lose myself in His arms.  God what is this?  Who am I?  What are the words?  What is EdGE?  God it is yours because if it's not then I don't want to continue with it?  God I cry out for your wisdom... your vision... your plan... God help.

bath of aloe

is what i wish for right now.  oh man, never again will i use spray on sunscreen... i will opt for the old school, hands slimy, asking friends or family to rub in awkward places, old school traditional lotion style sunscreen.  24+ hours later and my back is still interestingly patterned but mostly bright red... not as fiery hot though.. hopefully the aruba aloe that i've been craving since yesterday will work its magical wonders overnight.  soccer game tomorrow night but i'm not sure how i feel about running around and sliding and diving on my sunburnt legs either... ouch...   that truly does not sound fun.  i like cali, but it is good to be home... although i feel like i need a vacation from my trip out west... exhausting trip... good to see family that i haven't seen since i was... 3 or something... good eats... good friends... good times... minus the 1 day of relaxation on the beach...  well, it was good but the sunburn part... yeah... not so good.