English translation at its best - "Howdy..."

mom and I are staying at an airport hotel where we’ll be picked up at tomorrow to head to my parents place. I assume this airport hotel caters to business people, mostly local but I’m sure international too since it’s next to an international airport and there’s quite a bit of development going on in this town, but… they are definitely going to need to work on their English translation. In the “service directory” pamphlet in the room, there is a welcome letter that entertained mom and i with a good laugh. I took a photo of it but i can't upload photos through this poor connection... so... i'm just writing it out... because it is that good... well, at least we thought so.

Honorific guest:

Howdy!

I represent ZHENG ZHOU'S all employee of the hot springs hotel of the airport sincerely to your come to mean most earnestness of welcome!

Cabaret is from ZHENG ZHOU in Henan new international airport management limited company investment build of one three star Class cabarets of, locate at to wait the machine building west side at new international airport of ZHENG ZHOU, own the convenience, the fast boarding Service exclusively; The environment is beautiful, staying at this, can make you free of mind and happy of heart: The facilities is well-found, service enthusiasm, thoughtful: The hot springs shower of the cabaret can make you the fatigues of the busy cancellation travel; You can also taste the cabaret restaurant here the delicacy good dinners of various taste, such as yu, yue, chuan of a reason with m---- and xiang, Etc. Everything is here are all for you to prepare of.

The cabaret all the employees all wish to provide the service and help for you, from the bottom of the heart wishing to wish you to spend a fine time here!