learning to just "be"

this is what is on my heart.  this is what He is trying to teach my hard, stubborn heart.  To know and trust Him for my life is hard.  To just "be" and be comfortable with that is near impossible for me... He tugs more at my heart because that is the point - it is not meant to be comfortable.  Ever since I was a child, I would be setting up the next thing... setting goals... challenging myself... preparing for the future... whether it was with sports, music, clubs, fun, youth group, life, etc...  sitting and just being was something I was never good at.  it didn't matter if there was opposition... it didn't matter if my parents told me there's no way... i would do what it took, boldly reaching out and networking, writing letters, researching, training, asking and sometimes pleading, doing whatever it took.

how many "random" messages does He have to give me before I listen.  whether it's just these phrases echoing through my mind..."to be"... to abide in Him... to be like the lilies in the field that just "are"... or something I read last night that referred to Matt 6:33 "seek ye first the kingdom of God", and continues by saying "we argue in exactly the opposite way -- 'But I must live; I must make so much money; I must be clothed; I must be fed.'  The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God, but how we are to fit ourselves to live.  Jesus reverses the order:  Get rightly related to God first, maintain that as the great care of your life, and never put the concern of your care on the other things.

And then... a similar message was written into my heart during the message at Church today.  In particular, a poem about a weaver... I'm not sure if this is the exact poem as I randomly googled for it, but nonetheless this gets at the point that I needed to be reminded of...

The Weaver, Anonymous
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me, I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes he weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas, and explain the reasons why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weaver's hand
As threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

I want to just "be"... and indeed leave the choice with Him... but turning that concept into daily life is hard.  but, i know it is worth it so day-by-day, as He molds me and guides the path, i will walk in trust and faith... at least i will try, and probably fail here and there along the way... 

What's amazing that as we step in faith, I already see Him answering... even this evening through a simple and much needed time of sharing and prayer with a sista. what a blessing...