one day at a time... work hard, play hard, train hard...

So random... I think I posted a similar entry last spring.. last weekend, I ran into Coach Dre again (HS track coach) at a restaurant.. so random.. i used to run into him all the time, all over the place... slightly odd that it's continued through college and work life!!

Anyways, so because the WUSA crashed, many of the pro players are signing with the league that I played in last summer... apparently Brandi Chastain has already signed with some CA team.. pretty cool, except that my team for some reason is not playing in that league this year.. and there don't seem to be any other teams close by... sucks..

i'm kinda bummed cuz i spoke with a coach of a jersey team in a sister league to the one i played in, and he wants to see me play and compete for the position, but then he continues to say that i would be competing against a girl who played with the u21 national team. great, thanks, i'll just take a seat on the bench and go home crying...

i guess there are 2 options to take.. give up, which i've never quite been good at; or fight for the position... but is it worth the time and effort, and is it worth being the underdog the whole way through the fight? i don't know. at this rate, i've got no chance... believe it or not, today was the 1st time i stepped in my gym since probably november.. yeah, since i hurt my leg... my main form of exercise was walking to the fridge and grabbing food at work, and playing soccer once a week.. that kind of shows you where my heart's at.. if i really wanted to play, i would have been training the whole time through...

i often wonder why i want to play so badly.. is it to prove something to my family (coming from a typical asian family that encouraged education a lot more than anything else) that i can succeed in this sport and reach my childhood dreams that have constantly been greatly discouraged?? or is to prove something to myself... i really don't know anymore. am i still dreaming and setting myself up for failure?? i feel that God has something in store for me in this line of business... playing on the Peking U. softball team really let me see the gifts that God has graciously given me, and well, i see those gifts carrying over onto the soccer field with the members of a soccer team...

i'm confused.. clearly.. haha.. nothing new i guess.. yeah, i could just play for fun, but i'm never happy just "playing for fun.." i tried that this past fall... i guess i really need to keep the focus on the big man. in the end, it's ultimately about Him, not me or my childhood dreams or whatever... i guess i'll just try to focus on one day at a time.. work hard, play hard, train hard and not worry about what happens this summer.. what happens happens.. easier said than accept...

getting late...