Why sadness and homesickness?
My parents left for China last week... my dad took a short job opp there, and less than one week after returning from my brother's wedding, they were off to China. I'm super excited for them. I think it will be a fun, new, and fresh opportunity. I hope and pray it stretches them outside of their comfort zone, which I think they (and myself as well) are too comfortable. It's funny hearing them talk to their friends about having culture shock, given that they are real legit Chinese after all, but it's a reality. China is a whole new ball park. They grew up in Taiwan which is very different from mainland China, and even if they were in Taiwan now they'd have culture shock especially with them having been in the US for 30-40 years or so. Anyhow, sad and homesickness... well, I am the baby of the house, and I guess I never quite outgrew being a baby. As a 3-4 year old, my dad had to sit through a full year of saturday morning Chinese school - yeah, I was young for the class, but regardless, one's parent should not have to sit through a full year of school. Then whenever I started a new school, I'd cry my eyes out... this proceeded to continue... girl scout camping trip, summer sleepover camps (that I would beg my parents to let me go to), when my brother left for college and i had to stay by myself at a friend's house, in HS my summer at Brown U (cried the whole car ride up even though I was the one who wanted to go), college moving in (i was a disaster), when my parents left after visiting me during my study abroad program, moving to hartford for work (secretly after they left), and well... now... as they were leaving and dropping them off at the airport... the tears started flowing, the lips pouted and the words "don't leave me".. "i don't want you go to"... came out. gosh what is wrong with me.. i realize i'm ridiculous but it's just so out of my control. i try to hide it for however long i can but at some point it just can't hold itself in anymore. so annoying! i really am excited for them, but clearly the tears just don't tell that story. anyhow, it's sad not having them here, although we skype/gchat every day so i suppose it's not too different.
Why frustrating, stress-ridden, not-at-peace moments... living and learning...?
After my return from India, I've just been running around all over the place, from NY for work stuff, to Vancouver for my brother's wedding, to NJ to help wrap things up with my parents, to Philly where my life is... anyhow, the list of things to do was getting longer and longer, and I was still trying to process my experience in India. I miss India dearly. I miss the people... my family in India... I miss the children... I miss them all. It was indeed an amazing experience, but it was also difficult. God is still teaching me.. about India... about His heart for the poor... about leadership... about relationships... about love... about me. It's hard to learn... it's hard to discern truth... it's easy to say "whatever, so be it" and hard to say "grow me, teach me." At points I felt broken... I didn't know why I felt certain ways... I didn't know how to make the feelings go away... I didn't know how to make it all better. I wanted to give up - strangely that is the easier route in a worldly sense. But He's assured me that He is at work and has brought me to this place to teach me who He is. He's filling me back up with His joy again. He's reminding me of His love and His sacrifice for me. I felt like I was choking, but I'm learning again what freedom means, and what it meant to live in His freedom. What peace and joy there is in that... despite all the stuff life on this earth entails... there is true freedom.
Why time of joy and excitement?
 |
| The bride & groom's siblings MC team |
My brother got married! Yay! Finally! hehe... The wedding was in Vancouver, where my sister-in-law is from. Lots of stuff to take care but I was happy to to support them... building the slideshow (and putting a date wrong in the slides... literally finishing it up the day of wedding!), helping with whatever, and MC'ing the reception. Her bro and I MC'ed in English, Cantonese, and Mandarin. I must say that we were a hit!!! although not intentionally... simply because our Chinese is not so good... people were laughing... at our expense. but it was really fun nonetheless. So for example, we were telling folks that if they had not picked up their name card/seating assignment, to go pick up their card outside... well in my broken chinese i said: "if you haven't picked up your BUSINESS card, go outside". no please, no thank you, just go outside. :) Anyways...lots of other entertaining remarks, again, by accident... (my dad described that there were lots of ups and downs and i translated that literally and directly from chinese into english... "there were up up down down"). Besides the ET factor, it was a really fun time seeing old friends and family (including my dad's awesome elementary school teacher who is just... amazing... I'll share about her another time because it warrants a full post on her alone), and getting to know more of my sis-in-law's family.... and seeing her two cute adorable dogs as well. Super cute! Vancouver is an awesome city too. Some of my brother's old HS friends who I hadn't seen since I was in middle school/HS was so surprised to see me all made up in a dress... the image of me frozen in her mind is that of a kid/teenager in soccer shorts and a t-shirt. I guess things haven't changed that much... I still opt for that, but my mother would have hurt me if I showed up in that at my bro's wedding. Anyhow twas lots of fun.Alright, that's the quick, but lengthy update.
No comments:
Post a Comment