Phillippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Thanks scho for that verse!

So I'm headed to India in a few days, and I wish I was more excited about it; but the recent terrorist activities in Mumbai are putting somewhat of a damper on my excitement. The big question is... will I go? Friends and family are worried and insist that I reconsider the timing of this trip... I can't say that that has not crossed my mind. I can't even say I'm not worried... but I also believe in a God that understands and sees what is going on. I believe He is in control and it is He who has pieced this trip together for me. I believe in His timing for me to be there.

So to give some history, originally I was planning on going to India this past July with a couple of my StartingBlog Fellows. Those plans were suddenly halted after I injured my knee and the surgery was scheduled. At the time, I did not understand why the knee had to happen and happen then; but in my heart i knew God was teaching me something... a lesson of patience, sitting still... something... all I could do was to trust Him and go with the flow...

Later this summer, Jane gets the call to lead a team to work at an orphanage in delhi. i'm excited for her, but secretly jealous... and then, suddenly, i got a glimpse of God's timing... He opened up the opportunity for me to go - i will be meeting jane there later this week and we will be traveling together through india... meeting different people and organizations that are doing things to help the poor. is it by chance that my trip was delayed and this opportunity opened up? i don't think so.

He knows my heart better than i know mine... It's so amazing to look back and reflect on His timing and His purpose... and where my heart was before and where it needs to be.

Visiting PHS

So last weekend I was wandering around the halls of my high school. My parents are in this super cute chinese chorus group and they are having their annual concert in december at princeton's new performing arts center. so, since i'll be in india during their actual performance, i thought i might trek up there last weekend to watch their dress rehearsal. they are super cute - just imagine a group of asian men and women, ranging in age from upper 30's through 70 maybe?? singing some Chinese songs, some American classics - including Dancing Queen... anyways, while they were practicing, I thought I might wander through the school i have very fond memories of - i loved high school!

so i was walking through the halls, and passed the trophy case wall and a soccer ball happened to catch my eye. i was surprised and excited to see my team's photo in there - we did have one of the best team's in phs history - we made it to the state tournament that year - the first time in like... i think it was 17 years or something. it was the start of more winning seasons to come. brought back some good memories...


(can you pick me out? goalie... only asian... that should give it away!)

The Girl Effect

Check out http://www.girleffect.org

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Proud of America...

Change has come... Since Barack Obama won, I've felt this overwhelming sense of nationalism and patriotism. I am proud of America and I'm proud to be an American - we've really grown up, as a nation, as a people, as citizens of this world. The American dream is an achievable goal.


I went to an event to watch the election results live at World Live Cafe in Philadelphia. With every vote, the crowd cheered and celebrated.


It was also neat to vote in a state that mattered, although in the end, Pennsylvania chose Obama by more than a small margin.



And then after I left World Live Cafe, the streets of Philadelphia went crazy! I ran into a line of Penn students marching down Market Street with signs and a cardboard Barack cutout.

Obama's speech... excellent... amazing... inspiring... I wished I was in that crowd in Chicago... yes, I was tearing up.

Happy times for Philadelphia...and the country...

It's been awhile since my last update. I'll post some catch-up blogs later, but right now, it's time to celebrate! The Phillies won the World Series last week, and this week, tonight, Obama was elected the next President! Partying on the streets of Philadelphia all night long! I've high-fived a lot of random strangers these past couple weeks. The City of Brotherly Love is actually showing some love... a happy Philadelphia... amazing.... love it.

Phillies clinch the NL East Division


...then they win the World Series! I didn't go to that game... but went to celebrate after the game at Dicks Sporting Goods with GWL... where 6 cop cars stood outside as fans barged through the store shopping for World Series Phillies gear past midnight. A much more civilized celebration... vs. the mayhem that occurred on Broad Street.

Then the city celebrated - Phillies Parade on 10.31.08 - Celebration at Citizens Bank Park and Lincoln Financial Field.
...getting there was not so easy...

...but once we were there it was awesome!



...and then Obama was elected President the following week. I'll share some of those pics later.

i am so inadequate yet you use me. i offend you every day yet you love me. it seems i forget who you are at least once every hour, probably more than that yet you never give up. not ready to be your vessel yet you equip and prepare and say you are ready.

i'm so tired. i always feel behind, unprepared and overwhelmed, and lately, just not happy. i want to be joyous and thankful - why is it so difficult? i need you to give me strength, because i can't do this all on my own. give me direction. use me for how you've created me. don't let my logic, attitude, and emotions get in your way.

So I was chatting with my buddy Tomo who is playing in Japan (without me!). Here's a snippet of our conversation - this is how I function at work:

Tomo: how's work? can you do it w/o moving?

Me: uh yeah.. well, i've been wearing soccer shorts and tshirts to work for the past 4 weeks

Tomo: SWEET. hahaha, that's awesome

Me: but i just sit around... but then i go crazy because i hate just sitting around... so then i start gimping around

Tomo: HAHAHA

Me: and then i feel stupid because i don't like being seen in the ghetto outfit and a huge leg brace, so then i sit back down... and i do this over and over again all day

My typical day… hide from people – work at the coffee bar or on the lovesacs or in some random corner on the floor… bathroom break, run into people, explain what happened blahblahblah… go back into hiding. Luckily have not had too many meetings this past month – most have been with folks within my team so that makes it a lot easier and less of me feeling silly. I’m so silly – it’s all in my head…

are you having trouble getting started?

So I started going back to the gym last week - i'm sure it's quite a funny scene as I gimp into a gym with a huge leg brace on and an obvious limp. I thought I might jump on the bike - needed some cardio desperately and plus, it's good to help increase my knee's range of motion. Well, range of motion I definitely got, but cardio was a definite no. So I'm sitting there, trying to get the pedals around - seems simple but it was quite the challenge, and I'm concentrating and avoiding eye contact with people who must be looking at me like I've got major issues or thought I was crazy... a 70-80 year old man sits down on the bike next to me - he couldn't really see my bum knee, but he sure could see that I was struggling. He starts pedaling away, and looks over at me and says: "are you having trouble getting started?" All I could do was smile and sheepishly explain that I hurt my knee as he encouraged me on... just keep trying... you'll get it. Funny, but sad... haha... the good news is that I can now bike more or less like a normal person. Was hoping to try spinning soon, but got the no go on that from the pt.

Oh, and apparently a new phrase has been coined at work. To "pull a tammy" means you neglect the fact that there is something medically wrong with you, pretending that it will go away and refusing to seek or putting off professional medical advice despite clearly needing a medical solution. My boss "pulled a tammy" 2 weeks ago when he was clearly feeling very ill, but waited and pushed through the weekend, downplaying his symptoms. When he went to the doctor on Monday, he sent him right to the hospital. He is thankfully doing great now... and vows never to "pull a tammy" again.

moving to blogger?

so not that i've ever been good at this blogging thing... but i'm gonna try out blogger. not that i have a problem with xanga or anything... just want to try something new. i don't know - i guess i like the idea of having a personal (well, i guess it's not really personal by posting it on the web) journal of major things going on in my life... the thoughts that ran through my confused mind... kind of a "dear diary" or some sorts i suppose. well, maybe i'll get better at blogging, but i make no promises.

thankful but frustrated

It’s hard to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. I guess it’s a mixture of sadness, frustration, and thankfulness.

Thankful… I have awesome family and friends who support me and play with me, love me despite my strong-willed desire for independence and stubbornness in asking and accepting help. And I’m thankful that my knee is improving despite the frustration that often takes over because of its temperamental nature – it has its good and bad moments.

Frustrated… I want to be able to do what I want to do – lift my leg without grabbing my ankle with my hands, get dressed without breaking out in a sweat, walk like a normal human, run around, kick a ball, do everything I used to be able to do on my own timing (meaning not have to give myself an extra 10 minutes to hobble from place to place, get myself into a car and out, etc.-let's face it, i'm a true procrastinator). Frustrated because I’ve had to cancel 3 vacations already since I injured the knee, and I just want to be able to do stuff. It’s summer and I want to be able to play… Frustrated because any progress I make in physical therapy always seems to be offset by this painful catching/stuck sensation in my knee that stops me from bending the dang thing. and PT, wow – I have pretty high pain tolerance, but ouch. Frustrated because I feel stupid wearing this stupid, very large (thankful it is shorter than it was the first couple weeks but still large) brace, gimping around in soccer shorts because it’s the easiest attire to get on over the brace. I hate calling attention to myself, and well, this stuff sure ain’t helping. Sometimes I wish I could wear a sign that explained what happened and that I just don’t want to talk about it. When people ask how it’s feeling – I just don’t know what to say anymore. Do I tell them its better – I mean, it is compared to where it was – or do I tell them how it really feels and how I really feel – do I even want to open that can of worms? blahblahblah...

Sad… I don’t want to be dragged down by this knee but it’s just so physically and emotionally draining that sometimes I don’t know what to do except be sad. After I come home from work or PT, I am so drained that I all I want to do is lay on my couch or in bed and move nothing except a finger that triggers the remote control. I’m sad because I know there’s so much for me to be thankful for. I trust God that He has my life in control and that He had His reasons for this, and I want to draw closer to Him through this time where I am physically forced to “be still”, but yet it’s so hard. I’m sad because I want Him more, yet I’m having a hard time drawing closer to Him. I think of all the suffering going on in the world – what I am going through is NOTHING compared to that – I know that yet I’m struggling to change my heart and how I’m feeling. I don’t know – I guess that makes me sad… I know how lucky I am and how miniscule my issue is compared to all that’s going on in the world – if only I could refocus on others, I know it would change my heart, but I don’t know why – it’s just so hard right now.

Anyways, I guess I just want to be myself again. I guess I just don’t like being the center of attention whether it’s from others or from me. I like to think and care about others because I believe God’s made me thataway, and that is just really hard right now. I’m in a rut… frustrated, sad, and not thankful enough. Hopefully soon I’ll have a turnaround…

My beautiful knee

Before June 2, 2008... ...4 days later on June 6, 2008


my make-shift bed at my parents house. I was excited to find Carebears on TV on Saturday morning.

2 days post-surgery

so i guess i can start by sharing what's been going on in my life. well, i messed up my knee on april 19 playing flag football, and i just had surgery on monday june 2 to get it fixed up. if i had posted something on sunday, the day before surgery, i would have shared how weird it was to be preparing to not be able to do stuff on my own for awhile. i mean, by sunday, i was able to walk pretty speedily without anyone noticing anything was wrong, and pretty capable of most anything (other than sprinting through chicago o'hare the week earlier on a business trip as i trekked from one of the airport to the other to find myself successfully begging the lady to let me on the plane). and then i spent the weekend buying stuff i might need after i'm gimping along, returning things i wouldn't be able to do for awhile... very strange.

anyways, on monday, my mom and i left my apartment around 5 in the morning and made our way to the surgery place in south philly. i was hoping i wouldn't have to get general anesthesia - i wouldn't have minded watching if i could or hearing the noises going on - but they insisted on knocking me out... so they injected me with some stuff, wheeled me into the operating room, and the next thing i know, i'm vomiting all over myself in recovery. yes, i'm sure it was lovely - good thing i was still pretty out of it to be too embarrassed. i vaguely remember the doc saying: "clean her up". haha... anyhow, surgery went well, and then my mom took me home to my rents' house in jersey.

it's been 2.5 days, and i'm so sick of sitting on my makeshift bed on the living room floor. there's nothing on tv, and netflix doesn't come fast enough when you've got nothing to do but watch videos. i brought home a lot of reading, but really don't feel like doing anything that requires any brain power. all of that power is spent figuring out how to maneuver from bed to toilet to kitchen table back to bed and into this contraption that i strap my leg into to get some motion back. trust me - all of that takes tremendous amounts of energy and brainpower... especially for those with limited brain capacity. anyways, things are going well i suppose.

i'm being kind of antisocial right now i apologize, but thank you for the calls and emails and posts. i'll look forward to catching up soon. i don't know... laying around all day seems to make me more tired, mentally and physically drained.

Happy Birthday Goldie!

Happy Birthday Goldie! I hope Yeye found you in heaven and is celebrating with you!!! Love ya and miss ya! I'm glad you have a familiar face from the family up there with you!
...not proud of the glasses... or my brother's flannel shirt that i'm sporting...

So it's been a few weeks since my gramps passing and I'm finally starting to face the world head-on. It feels good to embrace the world (outside of family) and not avoid people and dealing with life... really nice to get caught up with friends.


This weekend, my mom and I went up with my cousin Efren to see his sister Fay (my cousin)'s art exhibition opening reception up at Real Art Ways in Hartford, CT. Had an excellent time with Efren, Fay and Fay's BF and family, my mom - nice mother's day.
my favorite pic... better in person. www.fayku.com
Her art was also in this week's NY Times magazine! http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/13/magazine/13funny-humor-t.html

Mother's Day lunch in Hartford - The Rajun Cajun - unlimited Southern food...yummy...


Mother's Day - stroll from Elizabeth Park, Hartford - Tulip Garden

Tribute to "Yeye" (Gramps)

I've been spending a lot of time with family lately. My cousin made me sign up for facebook... so i reluctantly did... and the next thing I know... I'm connected to the whole world - people I haven't talked to in forever. Fun... I think it's been my coping strategy - kinda drained lately and well, facebook is easy... don't actually have to talk to anyone... just find people, poke them, write on their wall... painless.

So I know every time I write in my xanga, it's always sad or something... and I know I've promised that I would write about the happy times, but I guess life gets to you and it's just hard. I mean, I write in this because I want to keep these memories forever... not to depress the world. I do want to remember the happy times. No promises but I'll try to write more. Anyhow, my gramps passed away a week ago and I wanted to share about him because he was truly an awesome man who meant a lot to me. I had the privilege of sharing at his service. I have a lot more to share - the weeks before his death and all that I want to capture as memories forever, so maybe that will be my next posting. Anyways, thankfully He was a believer and I am confident he is with God now and I can't wait to see him again one day. First portion below is his bio, and then some stuff I shared about him. Please continue to pray for my grandma.

Tai-Yung Wang
May 15, 1910 - April 20, 2007

Brother Tai-Yung Wang was born on May 15, 1910 in the Li Ling district of the Hunan province in China. He was the ninth of ten children in his family. During World War II, he decided to fight for his country and joined the Chinese AirForce Academy at Hangzhou, Jian Qiao. He quickly moved to the top of his class and out of thousands, was among the few selected to participate in a special training program in America and became a B24 Liberator bomber pilot. Upon returning to China, he fought in the Second Sino-Japanese War, risking his life for his country. He successfully completed many missions, the most famous of which was the sinking of the Japanese flagship at the Battle of Huangpu River. For that, the country honored him as an “Air Force Hero”.

After the war, he married his beloved Ho Sun-Sen in Shanghai in 1946 and had four sons: Xiang (Bosco), Tseng (James), Chih (Franco), Rei (Ray). They each wed, adding four daughter in-laws to the family: Mann-Rong, Hsiu-Chen, Chaun Feng, Jia Hua, and then nine grandchildren: Burkon, Tammy, Burchung, Burton, Po-Yu, Po-Wei, Po-Yah, Po-Kai, Po-Shuan – a total of nineteen members in this loving family.

Brother Tai-Yung was a humble man. He was a man of principle and self-discipline – always doing what was right and never compromising his morals. He was a loyal and responsible person, a good husband, a good father, a good grandfather and a great role model to all. Even though times were hard, he gave his all to his family and provided the resources and support to achieve them no matter the sacrifice.

In 1984, Brother Tai-Yung came to America. He attended an evangelical church retreat and became a Christian. He testified: “Before I knew Christ, I always thought everything was based on pure luck. After I believed and was saved, I learned that God is in control and everything is in His hands.”

Brother Tai-Yung attended the Bergen Christian Testimony Church and joined the Rockland County Bible Study Group and was a member of the Church’s Senior Citizen Fellowship. He loved to worship, praise, and adore God.

On Friday, April 20, 2007 at Good Samaritan Hospital in New York, surrounded by his wife, his sons, daughter-in-laws, and his grandchildren, Brother Tai-Yung peacefully went Home to be with the Lord at the age of 97.

My Testimony About My Gramps

On behalf of our grandfather’s nine grandchildren, I’d like to thank you all for joining us today in celebrating the life of our grandpa – our Yeye. We each have many memories of our Yeye. He was a loving, caring, determined, hard-working, happy, funny, and fun grandfather. He was always smiling and laughing – and saying the silliest things and making us laugh even though I don’t think he was actually trying to be funny.

Yeye was surely a hard worker. I remember him working hard at learning English. He never quite perfected it, but he was never afraid to practice it, using his key phrases whether it was with his grandkids or just random strangers – like the waitress at Applebees: “How are you? You like me? I like you.”

He loved us all so dearly and cared for us. He would always ask about school, remind us to study and work hard, and as I got older, the question turned to relationships – ni you “peng you” ma? - do you have a friend? Nainai tells me that Yeye was seriously concerned about my future husband and family. Yeye promised that he would find me a boyfriend at the local Shoprite grocery store – and I believe he was serious.

Yeye was just a funny, loving, joyful person to be around. We truly have been so blessed to know him and have him as our grandpa.

Personally, Yeye and I – we’ve always had a special bond. I’m not sure if it’s because I was the first girl in 2 generations – a special girl and granddad relationship; or maybe it was because I would unashamedly soak up any type of spoiling that was available with an innocent and cute smile and ask for more.

From as early as I can remember, Yeye was in my life – he’s really been there for most of my 25 years. Before I started school, he was my babysitter – my playmate. We used to hang out, watch “The Price is Right” with Bob Barker at 11AM, play doctor – okay, I played doctor and he was always the poor patient that I would inject with my Fisher Price plastic syringe, he would even cook lunch – I loved his cooking – shen li mian – ramen noodles… at that age, I had no idea it was so easy to make – I was impressed! And then of course, we would exercise together. We used to have this indoor exercise bike. Everyday we would ride that bike, and Yeye would encourage me on and say “jia you, jia you” – literally, to fill up your gas tank – “jia you, jia you”, don’t give up, and my short legs would pedal harder, faster and faster.

As I think back on those years, I realize what an impact Yeye had on my life. He instilled that determination, a never give-up mentality into my heart at a very young age when we rode that bike and he pushed me on with “jia you, jia you”. Yeye is a fighter – even the last few days of his life, Yeye pushed on to stay alive, waiting for his family to be at his bedside to send him Home. It was a final testament of his determination.

I’m so thankful that God created Yeye, and the wonderful family he blessed him and my Nainai with. I’m so thankful for God’s love, his ultimate sacrifice – for giving up his innocent and precious son to be nailed to a cross and suffer for me so that I could be forgiven and one day go Home to heaven. I’m so thankful that Yeye came to know Jesus and our heavenly father while he lived down here on earth. I am sad that I can’t call my Yeye over the phone or visit him at his apartment, but I am also joyous because I know, without a doubt, that Yeye is up there hanging out in heaven. His body is strong, his memory is clear, and he is hanging out with our heavenly father, watching over us; and one day, I’ll be there with him. He’ll greet me with a “how are you. I like you”, and we’ll ride that exercise bike together and cheer each other on with “jia you, jia you”. We’ll eat his favorite Pizza Hut pizza and Pepsi “tang”, and joke and play… like good old times.

Thanks God for giving us such an awesome grandpa, and thanks Yeye for living a beautiful life on earth. We love you. Give Goldie a big hug and kiss for me.