Made for this

A few days into my time in Bangladesh, I distinctly remember standing in my room and saying to myself “I think this is it. I think this is what all that training and education and experiences was for. This work is what I’m called to do... at least for right now.”  This work in helping organizations grow, help them improve, help their people develop, help teams work effectively... this work that God has not only been preparing me for since childhood, but has actually given me a passion for.  What’s funny is, that’s what EdGE, the consulting business I created a few years ago was about as well, helping organizations grow and work well to impact the world. Despite having no time to drive that forward, I am more or less doing the work of EdGE but now through endpoverty and the partners we work with.  EdGE. I spent so much time praying through what EdGE is, what it's brand is, what it's all about. EdGE - "Equipped. Go Empower."  Equipping organization, equipping people, equipping groups, equipping... so that they are in turn empowered to lead, to run, to work, help others, to equip others, to transform lives.

i like post-it notes.

During the trip, I kept pondering how I am able to understand and diagnose the health of organizations I step into rather quickly, why I am able to build deep relationships with people almost immediately, why I can assimilate and understand different cultures almost immediately. It’s just bizarre in my mind that this stuff just clicks in my mind.  As I explain issues I see to the leaders, and find ways to push them beyond the confusion to reach their ‘aha’ moment, I am truly in awe of God who enables me to think, communicate, and share.  And to think of the different, seemingly random projects and training and development programs God has given to me over the years that have prepared me so well... it’s like the A-Team slogan “I love it when a plan comes together”.  God’s plan is so good. Be faithful even when you’ve got your doubts. I can find old blog posts when I complained about work, thought about quitting and completely switching gears, but for whatever reason I felt God was asking me to stay... so I reluctantly did.  Now, I am pulling concepts from years ago.

I reflected back at my childhood.  School was never my thing.  Concepts did not click quickly... my dad was visiting my teachers regularly to discuss my grades... they dragged me to tutoring, extra academic programs, summer schools... sure you could say it’s an Asian thing but my brother never had to do any of that. The difference?  His grades were stellar. Mine, just average or perhaps failing in the eyes of Asian parents. I think I just had a listening problem... or an attention problem... I mean to this day, my mind wanders all the time so I’ve learned to focus over the years (still working on it)... but it was never by any means easy.  So why this stuff sticks and makes sense to me, quite frankly, perplexes me!  Nonetheless I am thankful.

make new friends...

...but keep the old... one is silver and the other's gold... I was a girl scout. that song has been ingrained into my brain..

God is so sweet.  I noticed a caucasian girl sitting across the cafeteria.  I was thinking about stopping by her table to say hi, but I don’t know... I guess I was not in a socializing kind of mood... so, I didn’t.  The next day I saw her again sitting in the lobby. I said hi, shook hands, and that was it.  That night, they put her and I at the same table in the cafeteria.... and then, well, for the next 2 weeks, the rest is history.  We even ended up on the same flight from the area we were in to Dhaka and then had hours to kill in Dhaka together! Here we are on that flight.

God provides for our needs... and he knew...i needed a friend there.  Every night we would share dinner together, get to know each other, but most importantly we got to debrief with each other.  It was so helpful for me at least to be able to process and share what I was hearing and learning, what was perplexing and frustrating me, and what brought joy that day.  We were doing completely different work so we never crossed paths in the work, but to be able to share at the end of the day and sometimes start the day together with breakfast... was just sweet!  Thank you Lord!

my ambulance ride in bangladesh

the stretcher in the ambulance.
thankfully we did not need to use it!

First of all, I’m just fine. Nothing happened... to me at least... the org insisted on taking me to town to get something.  That day, the sentence for someone who was convicted of war crimes was declared.  Last year, when he was convicted, riots broke out and several people were injured and killed.  So as a precaution, they insisted we take the ambulance (the org has a hospital so they do have an ambulance), in case we needed to escape a dangerous situation we could use the sirens. Half jokingly, well, perhaps not jokingly at all but trying to keep it light they said: “if we are stopped, you need to lie down on the stretcher and put on the oxygen mask and act sick.”  Umm... ok... sure...  Interesting times!  We were just fine... no issues thank God.

A gift from my new “mum”

It is such a blessing and gift to have family all over the world.  I’m amazed though at the type of deep relationships that have formed.  In Bangladesh, I now have “mum”. She is the husband of the late founder of the Bangladeshi organization.  I met her a couple times on my first visit to Bangladesh, but this time, I became her daughter and she became “mum”.  Such a sweet sweet lady, with a great sense of humor too!  She lives on the same compound of the office and conference center where I also stayed, so visiting her was a must and a joy!  She made yummy food... I stuffed my face...  and I received 2 very special gifts from her.  1 was this mug here.... so sweet!  She would say that she has 3 sons but with me she now has a daughter!  One day, a staff in the cafeteria hands me a small envelope... I’m not sure what it is... but I’m wondering why she is giving me another present.  I feel bad!  I go to open it, and inside were pins!  So funny... the night before I was complaining that I could never keep the ‘orna’/scarf on me... I only had one pin... so, she provided a pack full!  So sweet.

Sweet, deep relationships. Thankful.

Flying over...on... into... from... water.

Well that was quite a cool, freaky, scary, interesting experience.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles." Printed on a gold plated plaque on the plane door.

First MAF (Missionary Aviation Fellowship) flight! My pilot was from Chicago.  As I observed the pilot and co-pilot, I wondered if they ever got bored. As we cruised on autopilot, I’d watch him look out the windows, adjust a dial to steer us away from turbulent clouds (so thankful for that), and then well, the landing part, that looked like it took work. I mean, I know it's more complex than that!  It was an overall smooth and enjoyable ride! smooth landing and take-off.  We had a stopover to drop a couple of passengers off and pick up another one.  Once I arrived in Khulna (my destination), I was greeted by a speedboat and a "driver" to "taxi" me to the "gate", i.e. a little port on the side of the river.

Here's a video of one of the landings... sorry about the poor footage - i couldn't decide what to cover!

the port i disembarked at - my "gate"

i got a little worried when i
saw the pilot take out a map!

  

local villagers who came running
out to the plane to greet us

On my return flight the organization booked me on a new airline: US-Bangla Airlines.  Never heard of it.  Some joint venture airline with the US???  New plane. Not bad. Food, even on the 30 minute flight. Although I suppose any person could have boarded this flight with my ticket... I've gotten used to security in the developing world... or rather, lack thereof.

decisions in life

In the last 24 hours I've had to make these very "important" decisions - really not that important but still time consuming! i'm taking a plane that is strict on baggage weight. i am able to bring a maximum of 10 kgs or 22 pounds... my laptop and post it notes alone take up half of that limit. I'm in Bangladesh for 10 days so I can recycle clothes (i'll have to!) but I also can't go empty handed without gifts for the staff there.  I brought all these chocolates and tasty cakes as gifts but... I don't think I can make the weight limit with all that.

• pack of wet wipes or post-it notes --- the winner was post-it notes
• pack of face wipes since i'll be sweating all the time or mr. sketch and permanent markers --- the winner was the markers
• underwear for the 10 days or PB candycakes tastycakes --- the winner was the underwear
• clothes for the 10 days or lindt chocolates --- the winner, negotiated down, was clothes for 5 days (EMC's getting some more chocolates to enjoy!)
• downy refresher/dewrinkler spray or mini lotion gifts --- the winner was the lotions... although I'm regretting that decision now.  I think the one thing I really will need is the downy spray... oh well.
• mosquito net or the butterscotch krimpet tastycakes --- the winner was the mosquito net.. you never know and i want to be prepared!
• electric toothbrush or the plastic disposable kind i got in the airport --- the winner...i splurged and brought the electric one. at least i'll have clean teeth even if the rest of me is not so much.

then the non-negotiables of course... bible, journal, laptop, cables, sleep sack, bugspray, bandaids, meds, flip flops/shower shoes... one pair of shoes which I wore on the plane...  before going to the airport this evening, I ditched a few more items... 6 pads of post-its... down to 12-hope that's enough... my headlamp-figured the iPhone flashlight's pretty decent... and left some markers behind... but despite that I think I'm still overweight... ugh it's amazing how small things really add up!

man as i look at the winning items, i feel quite selfish!  my personal things that make me feel comfortable and secure won over the gifts for others. God has much work to do in my heart!

now safely in dhaka. flying on an "amphibious cessna" that takes off and lands on water operated by missionary aviation fellowship here in bangladesh tomorrow morning. kinda scared. kinda excited. goodnight from dhaka.

Off to Bangladesh

I know I'm only gone a couple weeks but leaving this time was really hard.  I was already feeling a bit teary eyed leaving the ladies at flag football... but at the same time was so thankful that God allowed me to be there to fellowship with the newbies and be reconnected to the oldies! I was also thankful that He in His wisdom would give me a headache (and put a sista to keep me accountable in my group) to stop me from exacerbating my already irritated airways. I just like to play - I can't help it. Gosh he knows me so well-duh. I ran home for a quick shower, finished up the packing and thank God for my roomie for her help in finishing up the packing job, helping me get the huge heavy suitcases and myself to 30^th street station, and encouraging me with my favorite snacks and a verse that I really really needed to hear. As I zipped up the suitcase, I could feel the tears coming – tears of thankfulness for sisters like my roomie... so thankful that God knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Everything in that verse...Joshua 1:9... spoke right to my heart cuz I was feeling anxious, fearful, inadequate, alone... God’s grace.

I was pretty anxious about getting my 2 heavy wheeled bags from 30^th street station to JFK. Thank God for the Amtrak red cap porter guy who was so sweet and took my bags down for me!  Unfortunately I didn’t have such luck once I got to Penn Station but nonetheless I found some escalators and elevators that eventually got me to the LIRR train, then the AirTrain to JFK. My arms were burning but that’s my fault for letting my arms get to the lame shape they are in. Along the train ride up to NYC, I got some shut eye, some emails out, some thinking and some negative thinking and not wanting to leave, and at that exact time, God turned my head out toward the window and gave me this beautiful view... and something about that view... just spoke peace into my heart... His assurance... just trust me... I have good things for you... God’s grace.

Got to the airport. Bags checked. Passed security. Sat down at my gate. Called my parents. Spoke to a friend. Texted with others... and started to get really sad... when I got settled on the plane, the tears started flowing. I always sit in the aisle seat and this was a time when I wished I could be on the window so I could hide against window – there’s no hiding on the aisle!  I have not cried like that on a plane since the time I watched Marley & Me... bad choice for dog lovers!... although at least when i watched that, the lights were dimmed!

As I tried to hide myself and wipe away tears with the airplane blanket (I was desperate.), I found myself asking and processing why I was feeling homesick already.  It's always hard to leave home, leave friends and family, especially when I had just come home just a few weeks ago.  I don't know. I like being present - it's kind of important for relationships - and it makes me sad that I am not present, hardly at all at times of the year.  But I also know God has me in relationships in other parts of the world - I don't know why - but I know I want to be faithful to Him, and I want to find joy in where He leads and calls... but honestly, right now I am just sad!  I also don't feel great physically and while I've been to Bangladesh once with this org, it still feels a bit foreign to me and the work I'll be doing is not all planned out yet (which I know God has grown me so much in trusting Him in that area so...)... but I think a big thing is just that doing this work can be lonely... going alone, working alone, chewing on it alone,...and just having gone with 10 others to India together, sharing that experience, serving together... and now to go back to India and then to Bangladesh alone... it just doesn’t feel right.  And I know, God is with me, as the verse reminded me, and I know I have so many other close friends walking alongside me in prayer and support. God is tangible. His comfort, His love, His presence is real. I know that. I feel that. But how easily I sometimes forget that. Here we go!

Pulling a King Asa

I was feel kinda crappy last week... and it was affecting my ability to fall asleep... which I think prolonged my general feeling of crappiness.  I remember one night one of my friends asked: “so what do you do when you can’t sleep?”  And my answer was “well, I toss and turn, get frustrated, maybe watch videos on youtube or old a-team episodes on hulu or something”.  And she responds “it would be a good time to pray!”  In my heart I knew that was true but that was the last thing I wanted to do... I remember thinking, I don’t feel like thinking, talking to anyone, or doing anything.  I did make it to the doctor but to not even want to talk to God?  So ridiculous.  So this week, during my QT, I'm going through 2 Chronicles... happened to be on chapter 16... and I get to verse 12 which reads “in the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but sought help from physicians."

So rebuked. So funny but not.. cuz that's exactly what i was doing. So needed to repent. God truly does have a sense of humor, and I’m thankful that He is gracious and forgives me for my absolute ridiculous attitudes and thoughts... for my heart that does not seek God first, even when I'm physically down.

india 2014 was...

awesome... but i need some more time to write about it!  so... here's a placeholder... to say... it was great!