don't cry please

Oh man, this morning I was sitting eating brunch with my grandmom in her apartment before heading to the hospital, and she came to the realization that we (my mom, my bro, and I) were all leaving on Wednesday. We’ve told her and she’s known, but with her memory, she keeps forgetting. Agh…

teaching grandmom how to
type in chinese

So my mom is on the computer in the bedroom, my brother is in the bathroom showering, the helper lady is in the kitchen, and I’m in the living room with her at the table, and she’s mumbling like she often does, trying to convince herself that she’ll be fine staying by herself now that grandpa is in the hospital… and all of a sudden, she bursts out crying! Oh man… I totally did not expect that… I was totally caught off guard and didn’t know what to do… except go and grab tissues.

The tears stopped soon after but I thought she’d be okay with us leaving but I’m realizing just how hard this will be. We all know she can stay on her own, as she's done it before... in fact just 2 months earlier she was staying by herself... after gramps entered hospital and before my mom arrived in Taipei... but she's just a nervous person... scared of everything... it seems like the more she stresses, the more forgetful she gets, and the more flustered she is, which gets us all fired up. Sometimes..oftentimes... she says stuff that is hard to accept and allow her to continue thinking a certain way... it's hard to be patient and not raise your voice sometimes. sometimes you have to be harsh in order to get her to hear you and not bring herself down to a more negative place... but i hate that. i hate yelling... i hate being in the middle of loud "discussion"... I’m worried about her, but at the same time want to help her grow out of this dependency on people thing (since she can't trust people anyways) and draw her strength from Him above and fully trust Him.

The family is still making decision… thought they came to agreement but the ortho surgeon came in today gave his 10 cents which brings us back to square 1... wait and not amputate yet... plus gramps is against it completely... and we will respect his wishes of course, but he also not of clear mind either so we'll see...