Wow.. it's been awhile... been busy. unfortunately i'll have to keep it short. i'll write more later... promise.. hopefully by the end of the week - that's the goal.
anyways, i was watching grey's anatomy last week and got a kick out of something meredith grey said... kind of how i feel sometimes...
"We're adults. When did that happen?!?
And how do we make it stop?"
"Responsibility, it really does suck."
at what age does homesickness become inappropriate? most people grow out of it like when.. 10.. max 18 when you hit freshman year? yeah... i guess i just have major issues.
so after a stressful last week in philly.. closing up projects.. or attempting to close up.. cleaning up my mess... i somehow packed up all of my stuff at home, and "penske"'ed it up with mom and dad to connecticut this weekend. freakin tiring carrying all them boxes and couches and mattresses... i have to say it was pretty lonely after my parents left. it's not like in college where you have roomates or where there are plenty of people all around you.. after helping me unpack a bit and assembling some furniture, they left,and there i was... no internet (still no internet.. i've been forcing panera down my throat every dinner cuz they have free wifi.. sad existence..:) )... 1 tv channel... lots of boxes... and an apartment.
yesterday, day 1, was pretty good... uneventful.. to no surprise, i had no computer or phone... i think i just have bad luck cuz that happened last year too.. today was a little rough. i don't know.. i really miss the people i was working with.. the assignments... the respect.. knowing what's going on and all... it's hard to start over again.. it's also really hard because there are 3 other pdp's in my group (most departments have 1 max). it's nice having peers around you, however, there's this underlying silent competitiveness.. which am not very comfortable being a part of. i love competition, but i don't like this style/method of competition.. whatever you want to call is.. starting over is rough... getting to know people isn't easy... working with peers a the same level is tough.. i feel like we're working on our pdp group projects again.
anyways, on a more positive note... frank's wedding was awesome.. lots of fun and fellowship. can't believe the boy's married.. craziness....
exactly one more week at my current position.. i'm going to miss the people i work with... oh well... hartford will be a new and hopefully exciting place to start over... start fresh.
last night i swung by the opening reception/dinner for the incoming class of pdp's. i can't believe it's been a year.. exactly one year tomorrow (8/4).. that i've been in the real adult working world. stinks.. getting old...
so my brother's girlfriend... oh.. i mean FIANCE! stayed over this weekend. they both start b-school tomorrow at Wharton. i leave philly and they hit philly.. we always seem to miss each other. anyways, i think... yeah, i'm not really on top of things... they got engaged sometime while she was working in hk and my bro was in shanghai.. i'm not really sure. anyways, i think i'm in denial. but anyhow, this weekend at church, the pastor walked by and said hello to me, so i intro'ed my bro.. and he intro'ed her as his fiance... then he intro'ed her the same way to tony.. very odd... i guess i'll get used to it. she's cool. it's kind of fun because now i have a partner in crime to gang up against him... i may always lose the arguments, but she always wins.. good person to be on side with. :)
so i'm not 100% sure i'll be able to ski this winter.. but i got this thing in the mail today.. the "all for one ski pass." basically it's a season pass to killington, mount snow, sugarloaf, sunday river, pico, and attitash.. starting at $349. that's not a bad deal considering lift tickets nowadays cost like 60 bucks a pop or so... i think the 349 one has some blackout dates.. mainly the holidays, but you can use the pass on weekends.. anyone interested? we need to purchase by 8/30. let me know.. boarding's less straining on the knee right?... so long as the falling is controlled.. hehe..
it feels so good to be done with this group project.. we were offsite for our 3rd development session.. spent days and nights preparing for our final presentation to company executives... and now... all i can say is.. what a relief! so glad to be done. our presentation went pretty well.. pretty pleased with my opening piece too. got to utilize some of the skills learned in that public speaking course i took at columbia...
i hate events like these because it always motivates me and excites me about my job and the program i'm in. just last week i was so set on teaching, coaching.. working with kids.. and now.. back to my state of confusion... gotta get tight with big papa for some clarification. amazing how easily swayed i am...
so after my long week, i came home from work on friday and drove to new brunswick for the last day of victory soccer camp's inner city camp. great fun! the kids were awesome. i even played... very gingerly in an informal 4 v 4 match... but did play nonetheless with the kids and coaches. it felt so great to be jogging around.. tapping the ball around... best part though was the playing w/ kids part.
oh.. and after the kids were gone and all.. i was offered a hs coaching job. man.. i was like.. uh... wow.. umm... what the heck do i do now!!!
well, i have committed myself to hartford for the year.. learn and grow a bit there.. and then we'll see from there where God wants me to be... teaching.. coaching... back to business.. we'll see.. but as for now, hartford here i come.. the director who offered the job did say the permanent coaching position would probably still be open for another year... we'll see what happens.
time for bed.. night.
i really enjoy working with kids and coaching... so meaningful.
anyways, so this retarded knee of mine is... well.. retarded. i've been warned several times by pt people and doc that i cannot play yet cuz i could blow it out again.. losing other structures... well, . how much longer does "yet" mean? i get frustrated at the medical world for not letting me play and for not giving me a specific timeframe for when i could be back playing, but then at the same time, i understand that this is a wait and see, time will only tell, injury... time will only tell if i can compensate for the lost with other structures.. but the impatient side of me sees that time as lost time. if in the end i'll have to get surgery, then i'd rather just get the surgery now, and then begin the 8-9 month recovery instead of waiting another month (already been out for 3 months!), finding out i need it, and then making this dumb injury and recovery into a more than year long deal...
but of course, if i don't need the surgery, then that would be best of course... 9 months vs. 4-5 months... plus, i really would like to take advantage of the soccer and coaches in hartford area while i'm there for the year... if surgery, then no soccer, no frequent skiing/boarding trips... basically hartford would suck.
brother's a pain too... seems like my parents and bro want me to look more into this surgery option... they don't think i've done my research or asked around enough? i hate people trying to run my life. he accused me of being too proud for not telling my family the truth about my injury. yeah it's true that when they ask, "does it hurt," i always respond with a "no." but it sure isn't due to pride. i hate telling my family about my booboos cuz they always make a big deal about it. i can't stand the nagging and the "does it hurt?", "are you okay?", "stop playing soccer". i never could stand that.. since i was a kid, i never complained about that kind of stuff to them... never cuz i was too proud to admit that i was hurting...
whatever...
finally handed in our paper for our group project at work... a whopping 81 pages.. lots of late nights, sorry.. endless nights.. but all done now. we have our 3rd development session next week, ending with our presentation of the project to the top execs of the organization. can't wait for this thing to be over... i've had enough of this.. actually, i've had enough of work in general. this real world thing is really not cool...
wow.. now i'm really feeling like i'm in college... only worse.. cuz i have to wake up at the crack of dawn.. or rather.. in not even a couple hours. well, i did have a nice weekend chilling with some aweseom people i studied abroad with... but guess now i'm suffering the consequences... work.. weekend of no sleep.. and now, even less sleep...
guess i'll just load up on the caffeine...
i feel like i'm in college again.. we have these dumb annoying group projects.. just finished working on our white paper, for now at least.. weird, deja vu of workgin on that seminar paper...
night.
so my normal 1:15 drive to philly took 3.5 hours today... it took about 2.5 hours to inch along less than 5 miles...
oh, so I was asked to mentor an intern who was part of program called WorkReady... gives hs/college kids an opp to explore future careers. pretty funny that i had an intern and was asked to mentor him since i myself could use some mentoring. so my manager and i were scrounging around, pleading.. yes, literally pleading co-workers for simple busywork to give this guy... (i got my first lesson on pleading...live from my manager herself).
so anyways, he doesn't show up on Monday and we're all wondering where this kid is.. then I find out that he's not going to be able to work with us because he's juggling two other jobs.. pretty crazy. i spent some time getting to know the kid and realized just how spoiled i am. i asked what he wanted to get out of the internship and his response was: "well, this is a white collar building right?" and i sat there and seriously had to think about this question... i knew what he meant, but never thought in those terms, and did not know how to respond. gives you a much different perspective on society... and on youreslf... although i think the real reason why he quit is that we bored him by what we do... oops. anyhow, so he only worked for me for 4 hours, and then that was it! well, i seem to have failed at this mentoring thing... such a failure... hope it doesn't go on my permanent record... i must say, it is a relief to both my manager and i to not have to worry about finding/pleading people for things this kid could do.... don't get me wrong.. i think this is a great program, but it's just bad timing.. my manager and i were given 2 days notice... things are crazy for me, and having someone else to worry about is just too much to think about.
it's so frustrating.. i've demonstrated that i'm quite capable everywhere except for in my own family. no one in my fam trusts me with the decisions i have to make for my own life. mom, dad, bro.. they're always right.. me.. in their eyes, i'm always wrong. i want to grow up, but i can't because my life is run by my family. yeah, in the end it's my decision, but i do respect them. why should i feel bad for selecting my own path.. or in this situation, just an apt?? why do i almost always fall back on what they insist upon?? i'm sick and tired of having these losing arguments...
worked at victory soccer camp on monday and tuesday... it's so awesome to coach kids in a sport that God has really blessed me with... despite the bum leg and all... and have the freedom and the encouragement to share the gospel with these kids... what an awesome privelige and opportunity... that's what it's all about... loving and sharing the good news... really made me want to fast forward this potential career switch.... teaching perhaps...
took a quick trip to hartford to visit my future office and colleagues, then checked out a couple of apts.. the job sounds pretty cool... my direct manager is the chief strategy officer so that's pretty cool. pretty nice guy... should be a busy year...
anyways, i'm tired and a bit frustrated... so... i'm going to go out and kick a ball around despite the messed up knee. i'm tired of sitting around.. so i'm choosing sanity over pain. thanks.. and please don't tell me i should be careful with the knee because quite frankly... i'm kind of tired of everyone telling what i should do with my life.. too much outside noise distracting the one and only voice that I must hear and obey.. my big daddy upstairs...
This weekend was GREAT!! God is soo good... I really needed to be in God's house and family... though i'm no clearer on where God wants me to be, I'm a lot more at peace, knowing that He will open and close the doors for me in His time. my prayer is that I will be a living sacrifice for God, making the most of the opportunities He places me in... even if it's seemingly no fun and painful..aka.. sitting behind a desk.. He never said it'd be easy... I pray for patience in dealing with individuals, perseverance to keep close to His word, and a heart to pour His love out of...
I really need God's perseverance to make it through this summer glorifying God in all that I do, especially at work. just one day at work after coming back from retreat, I already feel spiritually weakened. I feel like I have seniorities again... having an offer for my next rotation, plus the fact that it's summer (and summer in my heart and mind is still fun and games) just sets the correct mood and environment.
"But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:5-7. I want to be able to tell God one day that I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
So at physical therapy today, after being laughed at for having a "peg leg," I got my first walking lesson since... let's see.. since I was 1?? boy, did I feel silly... well, hopefully i'll be walking normal in no time.. maybe even better than i did before!
so i'm now known as "gimp," "gimppity," and as my manager puts it, "hoppity." can't you just feel how excited i am by my new found fame? anyways, hopefully just one more week of this brace...
i ate soo much this weekend. i guess i come out of every weekend saying the same thing, but i really ate a lot this past one. and now it's really bad because i, believe it or not, have not participated in any form of physical activity for the past.. almost what 6 weeks??? craziness.. i did hit the driving range this weekend with the fam... one thing i can do with a huge brace one. well, perhaps if i hit the ball properly, i would not be able to do it with a stiff leg, but hey, i don't really know what i'm doing anyways. but still, i definitely would not define that as physical activity, at least not in my dictionary of terms.
i spent the weekend eating and chillin with the grandrents, aunt, uncle, and cousins. what a blast! it's always good to see family and see what's going on in our oh, so exciting lives. anyways, if you're interested, check out my very talented artist cousin's website. www.fayku.com
enjoy.. laters..
So my elementary/middle/high school friend got married this weekend. was lots of fun.. would've been funner if I could dance on 2 feet. Pretty crazy though.. we've been friends since 2nd grade... we were in brownies and girl scouts together, played soccer, the list could go on forever, so i'll spare you. I'll scan in some pics after i get her wedding photos back.
People say weddings are joyous.. and the tears you shed are tears of joy. I don't know though. At my wedding, I'd probably be shedding tears of sadness... it's sad.. your parents are giving you away to be with someone else. yeah, you'll still see family and all, but it's weird. I don't know... I'm sure those tears of sadness will turn into joy when I'm ready... gotta find a man first I suppose.
I went to watch the team I was going to play on get killed by the Central Jersey Wildcats. No surprise I suppose.. the Wildcats have a few National Team players, some international stars... Despite the fact that my team's keeper was getting killed, goal after goal, I just wanted to be out there soo badly.
I don't know what my deal is... not being able to play is really affecting work and everything. Running around really was my method of venting frustration... that's what made me happy. All I thought about today at work was how I want to coach kids at Victory Soccer Camp and how I want to teach and yeah... I'm so confused... I guess I gotta be patient. Perhaps God did this so that I would be forced to find my happiness in Him... in His word.... Discipline and patience... determination and endurance... run His race... not mine...
I'm getting a little worried... In regards to PCL tears... mixed reviews.. . some say you can deal without it... but then these other articles scare me! "Unfortunately, in such cases (severe) there is no cure and running must cease permanently. If the instability is mild, running can continue but with the caveat that the instability will result in wear on the joint albeit more slowly and that this will frequently shorten a running career." praying that my case is not the above described!
and i don't know why i'm so self-conscious about this brace. i'm slowly getting over it, but yeah.. i've got issues... i wore it more or less the whole day today though!
Anyhow, so we got our job rotations and I'm pretty happy about my position. I will be working in Hartford (location doesn't seem so hot, but I guess at least I'm close to princessvince :)... hehe..), in the Strategy and Business Development group. The job itself seems pretty neat, so I guess that should stir some excitement...eventually... We don't rotate until mid-August, so still plenty of time to cause some trouble in Philly...
Going to visit the grandrents in DC this weekend.. taking my cuz out for a graduation dinner, bringing the grandrents back to our new pad... then good ole memorial day church picnics! Have a good one!
sucks.. no soccer for me for a long while.. i'm screwed.. i can't last more than a day without touching a ball.. or without running from place to place..
got my mri results today.. ruptured pcl.. i'm glad it's not the acl, although i'm not sure how i got to the pcl without getting the acl.. whatevers..anyways, bad side is that pcl's harder to reconstruct and not always successful.. good side is hopefully, or prayerfully i won't need to get surgery (of course that's also dependent on me wearing this dumb brace...and taking care of the knee.. which i am not quite fond of doing). yeah.. so my doc threw me in this huge, bulky, completely straight 180 degree brace for 4 weeks!! yeah.. i'm sure that's really going to happen... i mean, part of me says to wear it so that it can get better and so i can play sooner.. but most of me is saying, this sucks.. it's ugly, it's a pain, it's extremely inconvenient, it's hot.. and screw it.. we'll see what happens.. if you have any advice on how to get my pants over this thing, please tell me... i could do the skirt, but the brace is so long that half the brace would be hanging out... i be looking real stupid..
anyways, we find out our next rotations on friday... hartford, philly, or ft. wayne, usa here i come!
