A gift from my new “mum”

It is such a blessing and gift to have family all over the world.  I’m amazed though at the type of deep relationships that have formed.  In Bangladesh, I now have “mum”. She is the husband of the late founder of the Bangladeshi organization.  I met her a couple times on my first visit to Bangladesh, but this time, I became her daughter and she became “mum”.  Such a sweet sweet lady, with a great sense of humor too!  She lives on the same compound of the office and conference center where I also stayed, so visiting her was a must and a joy!  She made yummy food... I stuffed my face...  and I received 2 very special gifts from her.  1 was this mug here.... so sweet!  She would say that she has 3 sons but with me she now has a daughter!  One day, a staff in the cafeteria hands me a small envelope... I’m not sure what it is... but I’m wondering why she is giving me another present.  I feel bad!  I go to open it, and inside were pins!  So funny... the night before I was complaining that I could never keep the ‘orna’/scarf on me... I only had one pin... so, she provided a pack full!  So sweet.

Sweet, deep relationships. Thankful.

Flying over...on... into... from... water.

Well that was quite a cool, freaky, scary, interesting experience.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles." Printed on a gold plated plaque on the plane door.

First MAF (Missionary Aviation Fellowship) flight! My pilot was from Chicago.  As I observed the pilot and co-pilot, I wondered if they ever got bored. As we cruised on autopilot, I’d watch him look out the windows, adjust a dial to steer us away from turbulent clouds (so thankful for that), and then well, the landing part, that looked like it took work. I mean, I know it's more complex than that!  It was an overall smooth and enjoyable ride! smooth landing and take-off.  We had a stopover to drop a couple of passengers off and pick up another one.  Once I arrived in Khulna (my destination), I was greeted by a speedboat and a "driver" to "taxi" me to the "gate", i.e. a little port on the side of the river.

Here's a video of one of the landings... sorry about the poor footage - i couldn't decide what to cover!

the port i disembarked at - my "gate"

i got a little worried when i
saw the pilot take out a map!

  

local villagers who came running
out to the plane to greet us

On my return flight the organization booked me on a new airline: US-Bangla Airlines.  Never heard of it.  Some joint venture airline with the US???  New plane. Not bad. Food, even on the 30 minute flight. Although I suppose any person could have boarded this flight with my ticket... I've gotten used to security in the developing world... or rather, lack thereof.

decisions in life

In the last 24 hours I've had to make these very "important" decisions - really not that important but still time consuming! i'm taking a plane that is strict on baggage weight. i am able to bring a maximum of 10 kgs or 22 pounds... my laptop and post it notes alone take up half of that limit. I'm in Bangladesh for 10 days so I can recycle clothes (i'll have to!) but I also can't go empty handed without gifts for the staff there.  I brought all these chocolates and tasty cakes as gifts but... I don't think I can make the weight limit with all that.

• pack of wet wipes or post-it notes --- the winner was post-it notes
• pack of face wipes since i'll be sweating all the time or mr. sketch and permanent markers --- the winner was the markers
• underwear for the 10 days or PB candycakes tastycakes --- the winner was the underwear
• clothes for the 10 days or lindt chocolates --- the winner, negotiated down, was clothes for 5 days (EMC's getting some more chocolates to enjoy!)
• downy refresher/dewrinkler spray or mini lotion gifts --- the winner was the lotions... although I'm regretting that decision now.  I think the one thing I really will need is the downy spray... oh well.
• mosquito net or the butterscotch krimpet tastycakes --- the winner was the mosquito net.. you never know and i want to be prepared!
• electric toothbrush or the plastic disposable kind i got in the airport --- the winner...i splurged and brought the electric one. at least i'll have clean teeth even if the rest of me is not so much.

then the non-negotiables of course... bible, journal, laptop, cables, sleep sack, bugspray, bandaids, meds, flip flops/shower shoes... one pair of shoes which I wore on the plane...  before going to the airport this evening, I ditched a few more items... 6 pads of post-its... down to 12-hope that's enough... my headlamp-figured the iPhone flashlight's pretty decent... and left some markers behind... but despite that I think I'm still overweight... ugh it's amazing how small things really add up!

man as i look at the winning items, i feel quite selfish!  my personal things that make me feel comfortable and secure won over the gifts for others. God has much work to do in my heart!

now safely in dhaka. flying on an "amphibious cessna" that takes off and lands on water operated by missionary aviation fellowship here in bangladesh tomorrow morning. kinda scared. kinda excited. goodnight from dhaka.

Off to Bangladesh

I know I'm only gone a couple weeks but leaving this time was really hard.  I was already feeling a bit teary eyed leaving the ladies at flag football... but at the same time was so thankful that God allowed me to be there to fellowship with the newbies and be reconnected to the oldies! I was also thankful that He in His wisdom would give me a headache (and put a sista to keep me accountable in my group) to stop me from exacerbating my already irritated airways. I just like to play - I can't help it. Gosh he knows me so well-duh. I ran home for a quick shower, finished up the packing and thank God for my roomie for her help in finishing up the packing job, helping me get the huge heavy suitcases and myself to 30^th street station, and encouraging me with my favorite snacks and a verse that I really really needed to hear. As I zipped up the suitcase, I could feel the tears coming – tears of thankfulness for sisters like my roomie... so thankful that God knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Everything in that verse...Joshua 1:9... spoke right to my heart cuz I was feeling anxious, fearful, inadequate, alone... God’s grace.

I was pretty anxious about getting my 2 heavy wheeled bags from 30^th street station to JFK. Thank God for the Amtrak red cap porter guy who was so sweet and took my bags down for me!  Unfortunately I didn’t have such luck once I got to Penn Station but nonetheless I found some escalators and elevators that eventually got me to the LIRR train, then the AirTrain to JFK. My arms were burning but that’s my fault for letting my arms get to the lame shape they are in. Along the train ride up to NYC, I got some shut eye, some emails out, some thinking and some negative thinking and not wanting to leave, and at that exact time, God turned my head out toward the window and gave me this beautiful view... and something about that view... just spoke peace into my heart... His assurance... just trust me... I have good things for you... God’s grace.

Got to the airport. Bags checked. Passed security. Sat down at my gate. Called my parents. Spoke to a friend. Texted with others... and started to get really sad... when I got settled on the plane, the tears started flowing. I always sit in the aisle seat and this was a time when I wished I could be on the window so I could hide against window – there’s no hiding on the aisle!  I have not cried like that on a plane since the time I watched Marley & Me... bad choice for dog lovers!... although at least when i watched that, the lights were dimmed!

As I tried to hide myself and wipe away tears with the airplane blanket (I was desperate.), I found myself asking and processing why I was feeling homesick already.  It's always hard to leave home, leave friends and family, especially when I had just come home just a few weeks ago.  I don't know. I like being present - it's kind of important for relationships - and it makes me sad that I am not present, hardly at all at times of the year.  But I also know God has me in relationships in other parts of the world - I don't know why - but I know I want to be faithful to Him, and I want to find joy in where He leads and calls... but honestly, right now I am just sad!  I also don't feel great physically and while I've been to Bangladesh once with this org, it still feels a bit foreign to me and the work I'll be doing is not all planned out yet (which I know God has grown me so much in trusting Him in that area so...)... but I think a big thing is just that doing this work can be lonely... going alone, working alone, chewing on it alone,...and just having gone with 10 others to India together, sharing that experience, serving together... and now to go back to India and then to Bangladesh alone... it just doesn’t feel right.  And I know, God is with me, as the verse reminded me, and I know I have so many other close friends walking alongside me in prayer and support. God is tangible. His comfort, His love, His presence is real. I know that. I feel that. But how easily I sometimes forget that. Here we go!

Pulling a King Asa

I was feel kinda crappy last week... and it was affecting my ability to fall asleep... which I think prolonged my general feeling of crappiness.  I remember one night one of my friends asked: “so what do you do when you can’t sleep?”  And my answer was “well, I toss and turn, get frustrated, maybe watch videos on youtube or old a-team episodes on hulu or something”.  And she responds “it would be a good time to pray!”  In my heart I knew that was true but that was the last thing I wanted to do... I remember thinking, I don’t feel like thinking, talking to anyone, or doing anything.  I did make it to the doctor but to not even want to talk to God?  So ridiculous.  So this week, during my QT, I'm going through 2 Chronicles... happened to be on chapter 16... and I get to verse 12 which reads “in the thirty-ninth year of his reign Asa was diseased in his feet, and his disease became severe. Yet even in his disease he did not seek the Lord, but sought help from physicians."

So rebuked. So funny but not.. cuz that's exactly what i was doing. So needed to repent. God truly does have a sense of humor, and I’m thankful that He is gracious and forgives me for my absolute ridiculous attitudes and thoughts... for my heart that does not seek God first, even when I'm physically down.

india 2014 was...

awesome... but i need some more time to write about it!  so... here's a placeholder... to say... it was great!

i'm an aunt!

I'm officially an aunt to the cutest little baby girl!  she was born, well i was informed of her birth in the middle of a workshop in the philippines. I didn't think I'd be that person showing off her kid or niece of nephew but I was... hahaha...  

I guess if I was to be replaced as the princess of the family, I would be honored that she would be the one!  (girls are special in our boy heavy family on my dad's side...).

A couple days before her birth my mom sends an email to the family: 

Mom: How are you feeling, Tien?  Our little princess still too shy to see us yet?

Me: excuse me but your little princess is in the Philippines!  :)  haha… just kidding..

And my mom replies back: You were a little princess at the beginning and then suddenly one day become a laughing queen.  Hahahaha...........!

on another note... it's fun watching my parents become grandparents.  i wonder if this is how they acted towards us when we were born.  and this kid.. in her first and second week of life... has been to some fancy restaurants already... high roller baby!  so thankful i got to swing through vancouver on my way back from the Philippines. My parents were also able to go around then as well... we got to celebrate her 1st week of life all together there!  She's so cute!  I may be biased..

why did the chicken cross the road?

On my weekend trip to Lipa, I had some family time with my friend and colleague whose family also lives in Lipa.  We visited a little nature park for some r&r... and, well, what can i say... I am just so easily entertained...

date with my Filipina aunty

I took a weekend trip out to Lipa, a few hour bus ride outside Manila, to visit my dad's colleague whom he worked with for years... since I was a baby to the time I was in college.  She retired at some point and was spending half her time in the Philippines where she still has family and then NJ/NY.  I haven't seen her since I was in high school so it was great to see her again!  She had all these articles and pictures to share of her time working with my dad.  Good times.  Sweet times.

the beauty above the mess

It has been a REALLY long time... I have much to post from the past few months, which I will do when I have a chance, hopefully over the next few weeks, but in the meantime... instead of getting even further behind... let's try to live in the present.

I'm back in the Philippines. Lots going on here. There's the work here, there's responsibilities with my org in general and our other partners around the world, there's church, there's family, there's friends... i often feel so unproductive because i'm juggling responsibilities in the US, both personal and professional, and responding to things in that timezone, then taking care of the work here in the Philippines which also has multiple tentacles tangled together, and I often find God placing me in relationships with bros and sisters here that have put me into a confidant/counselor type role... and that takes time, energy, and a connection with the Spirit, which I often forget to seek.  So unqualified, so lost, so lost for words, yet so equipped and empowered by Him. Just open your mouth... just obey. just have faith. listen. speak.

Earlier this week, God gave me this reminder of our minuscule life here on Earth in our universe.  The picture below doesn't do it justice, but basically... I stay in a condo on the 34th floor in downtown Manila.  We have balconies but I can't say I ever get out there except for a quick glimpse, and usually not at night.  The other day a few of us were hanging out. As I looked out, I could see the clear delineation of the hazy, polluted sky line just below, with the vast clear dark sky filled with stars just above.  It's hard to describe, but it was just such an amazing scene.  The pitch black star filled sky.. so huge... so vast... stretching as far as the eyes could see.  And then there below... city lights... gray, red, brown skies... a thick layer of... stuff. It looked so small compared to the skies above.

So thankful for that moment to just sit and stand in awe... and so thankful and encouraged... as if God was saying, "don't get bogged down in that earthly gunk... that polluted world that you live in, don't be distracted by the noise, the voices, the sin, the crap, the muck... don't get stuck in that junk... don't get bogged down... don't lose hope... don't forget your mission lies in the heavenly realms... do you see the stars in the sky... press beyond that worldly mess, peek your eyes just through the cloudy crap... and remember it's not about this world. stay focused. thanks for that glimpse.

"open-air" airport

Well, the Tacloban airport is in pretty rough shape, but it made for a beautiful sunrise and a close-up view of an arriving airplane.

waiting for luggage at carousel

No electricity except for some bulbs lit up by generators. Baggage claim belt still inoperable so bags are painstakingly dropped onto the belt by airport staff. check-in, body/luggage security checks done manually - not sure how secure this is... but i'm sure anyone coming into and out of Tacloban right now, with the place still as devastated as it is... would be no threat.  hope not at least!

check-in / security check 

airport "gate" waiting area

Refugee Tent City

After 4 months, why are there still so many refugee tents everywhere?... and i mean everywhere...  It’s a hard scene to see... to some extent, life has gone back to normal. Kids are going to school. It’s just that they come back to the refugee tent to sleep in every night.

blurred view of the roadside as we drove. same view filled with 
tents and tarps and down trees and destroyed homes stretching for miles.

 

kids we met in one tent community

just outside the tents and tarps a note written on a plank posted on a tree:
"to all the donor thank you for your overwhelming support"

University is back in session!

We will be partnering with a local university to teach construction skills so that these young people from these communities can begin rebuilding their lives, their communities, their homes, their community buildings.  The university had been destroyed but some structures still stood. In a classroom, we found students who lived through the typhoon, ready to engage their minds. We spoke to them – you would never have known what they had to live through.  Some students were still missing... almost 4 months later.

Faculty offices had been destroyed, so, they simply moved their offices where natural sunlight would shine in – simple enough, that just meant moving their desks a little closer to where a wall once stood.  5 months later... still no electricity.  A generator was being used to supply electricity to their laptops and phones.

Books and papers lay on bushes and trees, still drying them out in hopes they could be used again.

The head of the school, still emotional about all that had happened.  She shared that in her heart she didn’t think they could restart the school. Looking at the destroyed campus, not knowing where all of the students were, it was too difficult... too heart wrenching... but when she saw students start coming back, she knew, if the kids came, then we must rebuild. We must go on. We must.  But you could see the emotion in her eyes just how hard it was... it is... So, classes will official begin in a few short months.

Sacred Ground

The scene of down trees, refugee tents, etc., for miles on end as we drove lulled me to sleep I suppose, although it didn’t take much given that I was already so exhausted from the early morning flight.  I must have been snoozing when the folks in my car shared what this first stop was going to be.  So we arrive at what looks like an open field.  I get out of the car and walk. The soil beneath my feet was sandy, as if they had just planted new grass or just put a new layer of dirt on top of the ground. I assumed they were getting ready to construct something or I don’t know.  To our right was what looked like a basketball court covered with a big white tent labeled UNICEF with lots of people from the community sitting there listening to something. We walk over to what seems like a bandstand/stage of some sort.

We stop there to talk.  The staff tell me that on this plot of land, we are partnering with the local government to build a memorial to people who lost their lives in the typhoon.  Then they tell me, hundreds of people whose bodies were not claimed are buried under this ground.  Unclaimed most likely because entire families were killed.  Children, women, men, all. The typhoon did not discriminate, although more men were killed because many stayed back to guard their homes while moms and kids fled to safety.  That ground I stood on... fresh dirt... because bodies had been buried underneath and dirt thrown overtop.  I felt sick to my stomach. Sad. Broken. God. Why.

Stop the hand-outs and give a hand-up

After landing in Tacloban, we jumped in the vehicle for the long drive – roads mangled, trees down, livelihoods gone, homes destroyed... destruction everywhere... refugee tents lining the road.. for miles and miles. Almost four months have passed and it looks like nothing has happened.  The devastation was that bad, and the response has been too slow.

my little friend, the daughter of
our staff, showed me around
their destroyed home.

tombs uprooted and tossed by the typhoon.

this barge, after 4 months, still flipped
 on its side by the typhoon

As we met with government officials to discuss our partnership to help them re-develop the communities there, he shared that one of the major problems is simply the handouts.  Yes, there was a time when hand outs and relief were necessary... but that time has come and gone.  Foreigners like us want to help out, so we dish money over to NGOs who give, give, give... but the giving has gone on so long that the people have become accustomed to it. The able-bodied people need to get on their feet. They need to use their hands and minds. They are capable, very capable. It’s time to work. These foreign NGOs – they’re already starting to leave the country, so now what?  It’s time to work. It’s time to develop and motivate and equip the local people to work. 

We’ll be meeting with some international NGOs in the next day or two to discuss how we can help the communities they’re working in as they exit out of the country.  We’re going to be partnering with a local university here to start a vocational training program, teaching construction skills so that the people can build their own homes and rebuild the community.

a local church flooded and roof
destroyed but still standing. the
pastor and his family have
temporarily been living
in a tent inside the church as
they help  rebuild their
community

Handouts make donors feel good... but there is a time for it and once you go past that time... it creates a dependency that’s hard to break.

many still living in refugee tents.
despite that, a thankful people.

tents and tarps branded by countries
 and NGO logos lined the roads