Inside Tamster's Mind

wisdom of a 4 year old

2011-11-23T10:42:00.000+05:30

today we visited one our loan recipients who is using her loan to purchase school supplies to support the pre-k school that she began in the early 2000s. the woman started this school because she saw these children milling around with little to no family support. she knew the value of education. she knew the importance of early education... so she started a preschool.

as we walked in and out of classrooms, the teacher would ask for volunteers to stand up and introduce themselves to use. several kids got up and boldly and confidently shared their name and some other personal infromation. "my name is... my teacher's name is... my mother's name is... (one cute boy said 'my father's name is dad')... i want to be a..." i was so impressed by how well spoken these young children were.

one litle girl in the 4/5 year old class said/recited/sang "you can touch my head, my hair, my shoulders, but you cannot touch my body, no no no". wow, i was not expecting such a young girl to know this... but it's the reality of life and if they're not taught it at school, then who will be there to protect them if someone ever tried to hurt them.

amazing principal, teacher, mother, entrepreneur...

heading back to jo-burg tomorrow... celebrating Thanksgiving in transit to Dubai and India. First Thanksgiving away from home, but my family is scattered all around the world this year so timing could not be better for this trip and a short trip to India. I mean, not that india is close to S.Africa or anything but the opportnity availed and well, the rest is history. looking forward to being with my Indian family in a couple of days.

south africa with my new Ugandan friends

2011-11-22T10:31:00.000+05:30

i'm in south africa for a conference with some colleagues and biz partners. i'm just starting a role with an organization called endpoverty, a microfinance focused organization. it's the reason i went to the philippines a month ago. anyhow we work with microfinance organizations in africa, and i'm in africa to attend a conference bringing together all of our african partners.

two participants are from uganda. uganda is a country that is near and dear to my heart, even though I've never been there. the country means a lot to me because it was a teenager from Uganda that shared his life story with me that shook up my entire worldview and life in general. it's why my heart hurts for the poor and those suffering from injustice... it's why i care about what i care about... it why i do what i do...

the summer of my frosh year in college, i went on my first international business trip. i was attending and presenting at an international education conference. that year it happened to be in china - it was my first time in china, so being the white-washed chinese american that i was... going to china was in itself interesting enough for me. at this conference, i was giving a presentation on an international project that i had built for a non-profit that i had been interning at. long story short, after the presentation, this ugandan boy named Philip came up to me and said... 'this project would be so powerful in my country because people in my community have had their ears and nose chopped off'. my mouth dropped. and it's not like i had not heard about warfare and these injustices before, but i think coming face to face with a teenager who was about my age, actually a few years younger, share his life with me, just made it so much more real. it was my ah-ha moment that changed everything. i stood there, my mouth dropped.. i had nothing to say.. i remember thinking and feeling ashamed.. 'oh man... you know what i worry about every day? i worry about what to wear...' then another teenage boy from sierra leone came over to talk, wanting to participate in this project. i remember thinking... oh man, i don't even know where your country is. sheesh. so it was that meeting with that young Ugandan teenager that caused me to switch my focus. i went back to school that fall convicted... i needed to learn more about the world... i could not live this ignorant comfortable american life.

i always wanted to help people, even as a kid. i was 99.9% sure i would help people as a medical doctor. to think i almost applied to a 7 year medical program straight out of hs.. wow... how things had just changed. i spent summers and weekends in hospitals as a candy striper, my first and only job in hs was as a therapist for a woman with multiple sclerosis (and let's just say i performed some interesting procedures...), attending nerd med programs and shadowing surgeons, handling human cadavers... i loved it... every moment of it... but God had other plans.

strangely this was the first spending time with Ugandans since I had met Philip years ago. and it was so sweet and meaningful to me to be able to share with these 2 wonderful women and get their thoughts on what had happened during the rebel warfare, which sadly is again happening now in some areas. looking forward to the next few days meeting with our wonderful African partners.

driving stick shift in africa (as a passenger driven by an american)

2011-11-21T10:34:00.000+05:30

trusting an american to drive stick on opposite of the street in africa. need i say more? we survived, but it was a bit scary and entertaining. let's just say prayers were said before departing. only a couple of freak out moments... we survived.. made it from jo-burg to klerksdorp alive and well. thank you God!

and apparently i will need to learn stick in case i come on my own next time and have to drive... interesting requirements... oh boy.

"OFWs"

2011-10-23T11:33:00.000+05:30

as we pulled up to my terminal at the Manila airport, i was surprised by the large crowds outside the airport. some waiting to get inside, others just hanging around the airport. the folks from our partner organization dropping me off said that those were the OFW... individuals going to other countries to work, away from their families, friends, culture, community. a long line to enter the airport of local Filipinos, ready to separate from their families for who knows how long, as they take service jobs internationally, to other parts of Asia and the Middle East. In '08 on my way back from India, I saw a similar scene, only it was all men with no luggage or anything, boarding a plane to Riyadh to do construction work and such. I was discussing with the stranger sitting next to me about human trafficking and how this too was a form of trafficking. wow.

For whatever reason, the scene just wrenched my heart. I just feel for these individuals and their families. It's hard to justify either way because in one sense they are going to make money to help support the family at home... so the family can live... so they sacrifice themselves, subjecting themselves to harsh conditions and treatment and separation from loved ones... but i don't know... it's still hard for me to see... My grandparents in Taiwan have had individuals from the Philippines and Indonesia come and help out at the house, and something about it has always bothered me. I mean, not that our family treats them poorly, but something about it... it's like God's placed this burden on my heart or something.

after i got back from india, the first movie i saw was "the help", a story about African American nannies raising Caucasian children back in the early/pre-Civil Rights days. a powerful movie... and a reminder of why it's so important that we help enable and encourage peopel to tell their stories... it's important for the rest of the world to hear, and it's important for the individual and others in similar circumstances to hear and be empoewred to shared. all you need is one person to stand up and take a risk for change... that's what i am praying for in one of the slum communities in india... just one person to take a stand, to speak their heart, to have the hope that life can be different, that things can change, if they would stand up...

i'm not sure what this post is about really as i'm not just rambling... but it's what's going on in my head... disconnected thoughts that are seemingly triggering thoughts that are somewhat connected in my strange little brain.

a cucumber garden growing on my foot

2011-10-22T20:57:00.000+05:30

yes, yes, that is what happened last night... in my deep sleep... so deep that i actually remembered by dream. I rarely remember dreams, and well, I'm so glad I did today because it's absolutely ridiculous and bizarre. So before I tell you what happened, I'll share perhaps why cucumbers may have been on my mind.

The other day we ate at a restaurant that was... hrmm... like an amusement park... like disneyland... giant gorilla statue in the back, goddess totem poles all over, and other interesting statues and monuments throughout this restaurant. anywhere else, it would have been tacky, but somehow, this place was quite... amusing? strangely it somehow all 'works' in my mind. i think it's because of the bamboo pole sidewalks and bamboo and straw huts that you sit in to eat... that all somehow balances the setting and turns the tacky into a fun, interesting setting. quite an enjoyable lunch, perhaps because of the live entertainment of singers and guitarists roaming around to each hut to perform for our tips... nah... that was nice... but the company... amazing people with a faith that drives them and the organization they are leading. i'll write more about them in a separate posting sometime later. back to the subject though.. the cucumber... so at this restaurant, there was a dish full of vegetable - bitter gourd, pumpkin, and some kind of cucumber or squash of some sort that I really liked. And perhaps eating that cucumber at this amusement park like restaurant, where the impossible is possible if you only wish and dream and have child like hope... perhaps that was the cause of this interesting dream.

just liked this "sign"...

here's the dish that may caused this all

so here's what happened in the dream. i was with a friend who said that we needed to grow our own food for tomorrow. so we planted some seeds in a pot that had to rest by our feet (i have no clue why... perhaps the wafting of the wonderful scents of feet provide some sort of amazing fertilizer... i don't know.. it was a dream...). while my friend is telling me this, of course I doubt how it could be possible for us to plant seed and for them to grow by the next morning, but nonetheless i just went ahead. the next morning, when we awoke, she ripped off her covers and by her feet in the planter were 4 beautiful small cucumbers and I think some other random veggies. i was so shocked but excited all at the same time. now, it was my turn. i take my covers off and i was horrified to find that... my planting resulted in one HUGE cucumber. why was i not happy about this? because it was growing around my foot and ankle! literally, this cucumber had enveloped my foot and ankle. how could this have happened? did i place all the seeds to close together? did i dip my foot in the planter at night? what happened? well, it didn't really matter. anyhow, i awoke shortly after... somewhat disturbed by this interesting dream.

...dad...where are you?

2011-10-18T20:37:00.000+05:30

i'm enroute back to hk right now. had a good couple days chilling with my rents in bejing where they just moved to a few weeks back. my parents just moved into their new apartment, which i must say is quite nice. having only moved in a week ago, naturally we spent quite some time visiting the super walmart and carrefour to stock up their apartment. i even got to assemble a shelf for them. another role reversal moment... not that i did much to help them get settled, but going to walmart after moving into a new place is something i am fond of doing... assembling ikea-like furniture is up my alley... having my parents help me with all that is common, especially during my first few years of living independently. but now, it was me going with them to shop for them... like back to school shopping... filling up the dorm room... only they have a really sweet dorm suite.... filled up on peking duck, mcd's, burger king, noodle soup, and other stuff... yes, we love our fast food joints... especially in asia.

my mom popped me into a taxi this morning to head to the airport. i went a bit earlier in hopes of meeting my dad there. my pops had to meet someone at the airport and has a meeting there this afternoon, so i was hoping to catch him there briefly before i headed through immigration and security, but i never found him. i felt like a little kid, waiting and waiting, wandering back and forth between different coffee stands, wanting to yell for dad, hopeful and eager he'd just appear out of nowhere like in the movies, but that didn't happen. it was never a certainty it would happen but i guess i just hoped it would.... like the feeling you get when on Christmas Eve, waiting for Santa. again i found myself thinking and getting annoyed about the fact that there were just so many asian faces... asian men...how am i to find my dad in the sea of these people with the same color hair and basic business attire? all throughout i got a couple of phone calls from what looked like an unfamiliar US number which i didn't pick up since i had no idea who it was... figured it's prolly not important so I didn't want to incur the charges... i gave up on finding my pops and headed onto the tram towards my gate... that same # called again.. decided to pick up and low and behold it was my dad... asking if i was ok. we didn't get to talk long so who knows what happened, but man i wished i had just picked up the phone earlier!

i can't help but wonder if God thinks the same thing back at us... as i search all over for him in the things that i'm doing, even as i call out to him in my prayers... perhaps i just need to pick up the phone and listen... i can imagine Him saying "tammy, i'm right here. you're okay. i am right here for you... why do you forget me? why do you wonder where i am?" picking up my dad's phone call incurred a financial cost - that's why i didn't pick up earlier... i mean, i also just didn't know who it was... but when we choose to pick up His phone call, sometimes that incurs a cost too... sometimes it means stopping what you're doing which from a worldly perspective is lost time and lost productivity... but if you don't pick it up, you're just going in circles or going downhill... so... pick up the phone and say hello to the one who's on the other end who is always there, always ready to embrace, if only we would let Him by taking the time to be with Him.

a sea of Chinese people...

2011-10-15T14:51:00.000+05:30

When I'm in China, I often find myself thinking and saying semi-outloud, under my breath... "there's so many chinese people..." I mean, obviously, right? when in china, wouldn't you expect that? and not that it bothers me that there are so many, but i have to admit that it sometimes overwhelms me that there are so many asian faces all around. i mean really, i should just look in the mirror i realize, but yeah... ya know...

back to my roots

2011-10-12T23:26:00.000+05:30

Even though I only lived inBoston for the first year of my life, there’s something about that place that just feelslike home… like my roots. Despitethe craziness of life, it’s where I find great peace and refreshment. It helps that one of my best friend’sfrom high school lives here so I get to hang with her, just be real, do ourthing, and be refreshed with each other’s company, but also in His word. It’s interesting because whenever weare together, I feel that we spend more time in front of our laptops or books(she’s teaching at Tufts and BU), then we spend talking to each other – I mean,we get plenty of time to catch up and stuff, but there’s just something niceabout being in each other’s company, even silently, taking care of life.

Anywho, this trip we also ran a10K together, which was fun, despite my poor fitness levels. We took our time, enjoyed the beautifulbut hot weather, started together and finished together. The rest of the short time there wasspent at her kitchen table working or at a local Sbux that I crashed at whileshe went abouts her thing. I lovethat we can do that… we can just live life… and enjoy the time no matter howbrief or long...

Anyways, flying back to Phillynow where it will be a bit nuts for the next 48 hours. It’s interesting because it’s not likein Boston life stops. The good(and bad) thing about my work is that it’s virtual and it basically travelswith me wherever I am. But there’sjust so much surround sound when in Philly and NYC and even DC, the 3 citiesI’ve been frequenting for work stuff lately…

an update... after i landed back in philly my calendar cleared up for that afternoon! PTL! i was going to have to run to nj to take care of my parents' house stuff, then rush back for a meeting... then wed head down to dc at the crack of dawn for a meeting, and then back to philly to pack and then head up to nyc to catch my flight out to china/philippines the following day. NUTS! but ptl cuz we moved the dc meeting to my parents house!! still a lot to do but such a relief. yes... completely strange but so awesome for me... thank you God!

calendar = big game of blockus

2011-10-11T06:44:00.004+05:30

seriously... this month... i just want to pull my hair out trying to arrange and re-arrange my schedule... it really feels like a big game of blockus... blocks are being added but there is no room for them to be added, so then i must rearrange... then cancel other things... ugh... it's such a pain.

on another note, why is it so hard to get to jfk airport from philly. i mean seriously, someone needs to start a cheap shuttle van/bus option because what's out there is absolutely ridiculous.. what if i don't want to take a train to a bus to a subway to another bus... or a train to another train to a bus... what if i just want to ride there direct and not have to move luggage back and forth everywhere. i'm headed to china and the philippines on thursday for a short trip for some meetings... yes it is last minute... but between now and thursday i go from boston to philly to nj back to philly then to dc back to philly and then somehow have to make my way up to jfk in time to catch a flight. i have a headache. figuring out the calendar... travel... is more than a full time job. how am i to get everything else that is already buried done... alright, complaining about it isn't moving me forward but i just needed to vent a bit...

"tw please come to gate e15"

2011-10-09T23:59:00.000+05:30

i hitched a ride to the airport following a flag football game. i was a bit early but i was really looking forward to the time to just sit and catch-up on stuff at the airport. unfortunately, lately it's been hard to find time to just sit and not feel like i have to run to something or hit another deadline or whatever. i feel so behind in so many things so i really wanted this time to sit and check things off the list... and most importantly just to sit and spend some good time with Him.

so i get to the airport, and i'm early enough that i can actually catch the earlier flight out. but nah, like i said, i wanted some time to just sit... secondly, the change fee i'd have to pay was more than the price i paid for the flight.. i got a pretty sweet deal. scratch that.

now, let me paint a picture here. so i am sitting on a bar stool like chair that faces my gate. yes, i'm somewhat aways from the seating area around my gate, but literally, it's right in front of me, within visual range without a doubt. clearly i was enjoying myself way too much... i was watching the time, but it just didn't register that at some point i'd have to board the plane... i sat, did some stuff, jumped on a phone call to work through some stuff, and then i hang up the phone, telling the guy that i needed to get back to him in a second after i found some data number off my phone. i'm sitting there searching my phone, then an announcement: "tw please come to gate e15". totally not registering what was going on, i ask the lady next to me to watch my stuff which is sprawled across this table so i could go up and find out what was going on. i get to the man... there's no one sitting around.. no one standing in line to board... it's a southwest flight so ya know.. you line up according to your number... and it's usually crowded with people getting ready to board. i ask the man, still clueless: "are we boarding?" and he's like... "umm.. yes, we've boarded." OOPS! clearly my mind was elsewhere... ran back to my stuff, threw it in my bag and boarded a full flight. i mean, there wasn't even anyone on the jetway.. they were seated. i wasn't totally the last person, but definitely one of the last.

anyways, i couldn't help but laugh at how completely ridiculous i am... i mean, i had plenty of time.. i almost jumped on an earlier flight.. who would've thought there'd be any chance i'd miss this one. just clueless, in my own world.. or perhaps just in several different worlds and having trouble focusing.

jury duty

2011-10-04T22:42:00.000+05:30

today was my first round of jury duty - ever. i believe jury duty is a good thing, and so important for the functioning of our democracy. it's sad that oftentimes we just want to get out of it, i myself feel that too sometimes, because it really is a privilege for us to participate. it's similar to our right to vote. by not voting, by not participating, we are relinquishing this precious gift of freedom that we have been given - that people had to die for and fight for - that people today in other parts of the world are fighting for. And yes it's so easy for us to throw a pity party and fuss about our busy lives and what a pain it is to sit in a room and potentially sit on a panel or God forbid an actual jury. Wow - I say this not in judgment of anyone, except, perhaps myself. Worse so, I believe so much that our participation is part of our civic responsibilities and duties, and yet still I, found myself thinking of ways to get out of it with concerns over my upcoming travel schedule...

Here's how the day went:

My roommate and I hopped into my car this morning and stopped at Dunkin for some eye opening coffee (which did not work very well) and a greasy, delicious, fatty sausage, egg, cheese croissant.
Drop roommate off near the office and then off to a local parking lot. Speed walk to the building
Walk in, go through security, join the long line of folks waiting to get their papers scanned and enter the room.
Get scanned, grab papers, find a seat in the waiting room FILLED with people. I had no idea so many people were selected on a daily basis to come and sit. How many Philadelphians are there? How is it that this was my first summons, and how is it that many of my friends still haven't been called if they require so many to come each day?!
Fill out the questionnaires - which by the way are not that easy to complete. you really have to put some thought into it because sometimes it's hard to not be biased or emotional or make decisions based on your morals.
Sit, wait, read, lounge, struggle to stay awake, headnod, wait for your name to be called.
Several groups of people are called and asked to leave the waiting room and go to the room assigned to their Judge, or something like that.
at 9:30am, for Judge M, I get called as the 18th person to be part of this panel. I'm getting excited... but the lady tells our group to stay seated, unlike the other groups who were called and then asked to line up and then head out to their respective rooms.
another hour passes... lady announces... for those of you with Judge M, I haven't forgotten about you... they are not ready for you yet. i continue to attempt reading or working but can't focus cuz i'm so sleepy.
another hour passes... same announcement... i go buy a soda to supplement my insufficient coffee caffeine intake.
12pm hits - lady announces... for those of you with Judge M, I haven't forgotten about you... you and for any one whose name has not yet been called, you may go take your lunch break. be back here by 1:30. in my mind i'm thinking what a generous lunch break this is! govt...
walk over to reading terminal for lunch. take care of some urgent travel plans with my folks in china via skype over a bad internet line there... so frustrating... ran into my friend from church who is also in jury duty -what a coincidence. look like a guest at the hotel across the street and 'borrow' their wifi.
1:30 go back through security and re-enter the courtroom.
2:00 - lady says... Judge M, I haven't forgotten about you. Judge M says no thanks we don't need your help today.. so you and everyone else may be dismissed for the day. thank you for participating....
get the $9 check for our hard work and roll out, grab the car, head up to nyc

In the end, let's do the math to see how i made out by end of jury duty.

+$9 for participating in jury duty

-$8 parking

-$1.50 soda to stay awake in the waiting room

-$6.42 lunch at reading terminal

= -$6.92

and that doesn't even include my breakfast sandwich and coffee which my roommate so generously treated me too! nor the value of time...

i feel like today could have been a really productive day for me sitting in the waiting room with my laptop.. if only i wasn't so stinking tired. i was having enough trouble reading a magazine without wanting to put my head down... but then i also couldn't pass out because then i wouldn't know if i was called! i'm sure i did a few headbobs... i hate that... you're not productive but neither do you get rest as you attempt to force yourself to stay awake... oh well...

one other thing -i loved the diversity in the room... good sampling... i like.

jury duty 2011 - checked off for the year.

untangling to freedom

2011-10-02T23:55:00.000+05:30

as i sit and think about what is going on inside of my mind and heart, i can't just help but feel angry and tired. well the anger has dissipated in the form of tears that couldn't hold back earlier... and it's not that i'm angry at anyone because really, if there was anyone to blame it would be myself, for letting things pile on top of each other and simply not having the energy to handle it.

my schedule has just been no fun the past couple months. sometimes i just want to do what i want to do, selfish stuff and all. i don't want to have to justify and explain... i feel like i'm constantly saying 'i'm sorry' to people because i can't do this, can't participate in that, i have to change their schedules for mine, i'm late for something, or can't deliver something on time, or whatever... i'm kind of tired of feeling and saying sorry for my excusable and inexcusable actions. i'm sorry for being sorry??

how do you place a value on people... on relationships... how can you weigh the value of that? how can you say one set of people are more important than the other? sure, one may have more lasting impacts but does that mean the immediate relationships that could be impacted in the short-term are less important and less valuable?

This song pops on while I write this..
"Freedom reigns in this place, showers of Mercy and Grace. Falling on every face, there is freedom. If your tired and thirsty, there is freedom. If your tired and thirsty, there is freedom. Give your all to Jesus. There is freedom. Give your all to Jesus, there is freedom."

Freedom - because we have it, it gives us choice, which is a blessing yet can complicate things. true freedom is in Christ... if only I would give it all to Him... when we are tired and thirsty, there is freedom... yes, there is... and that's exactly what i want. i don't want to feel tied down and tangled in a schedule of this and thats... commitments here and there... i just want to be committed to Him... and in that I know there is freedom. if only it were so easy... but it should be... if i only i could obey.. if only i could fully trust... if only i could just be 220% sold out for Him..

'this is discipleship'

2011-09-27T10:43:00.001+05:30

the other day i was writing an email to some folks re: discipling some folks but ended up writing as my subject line "disciplining people". a very different approach to discipling... anyhow, a friend had posted this on his facebook wall recently and i thought it was well done. a couple things i wasn't as fond of in the video but i think for the most part it's right on... sharing and hoping it leads to some inspiration and action!

miniapple - biking in heels

2011-09-19T10:03:00.000+05:30

my college buddy tricia got married this weekend in minneapolis. trick and i were randomly assigned suitemates our frosh year... and then proceeded to go on a pre-orientation canoeing trip. she's one of the first people i had met at columbia, if not the first... and even with her family... it feels like i've known them forever. anyhow, i'm happy to see her get hitched to her college buddy, another one of our classmates.

a true blast from the past... friends who i hadn't seen since graduation... seems like just yesterday when we were in school together.. living life... hanging out... partying... studying... all of it... fun times.

a few of us fell in love with the nice ride bike system... so convenient.. you rent your bike whereever, then return it to any other niceride bike rack which are all over the city. nice ride... beautiful sites. such a clean outdoorsy city. loved it... good times with friends. loved it so much that we rode them from the wedding ceremony back to the hotel for the reception... in our dresses and heals... my mother was horrified. and no, this was not my idea but i was sure to go along with this wonderful idea. ;)

my favorite line from the wedding night... my contacts have been giving my eyes probs, which is why i hardly ever wear contacts nowadays... but basically the longer i wear them, the redder my eyes get. i had to take my contact out towards the end of the night cuz my eye was not cutting it... my friend says to me: 'wow, you look like you've been smoking up like me.' hilarious... many of us still look the same... and some of us still act the same too! :)

Remembering 9/11

2011-09-12T08:49:00.001+05:30

The anniversary of the events of September 11 always brings sadness. And especially on this 10 year anniversary, there are so many events, memorials, news coverage, television specials that have allowed me to relive that horrifying day and the weeks and months and years that followed.... my heart cries for the families... the children... the spouses... the parents... the extended families... too many people... too many people... too close to home...

Posting an article I had written on another blog site in 2001 onto my personal blog.

September 11, 2001 – the day America lost its sense of invulnerability. Flashbacks of planes crashing into buildings, ordinary people jumping out windows, sky scrapers collapsing, and smoke and debris rising into the blue sky will haunt people around the world forever.

It was a day that changed the lives of all. The whole world watched as the famed New York skyline crumbled into a pile of ashes, dust, and metal. Not only would New York City never be the same again, the United States and the rest of the world would never be the same again.

Before I went to class that morning, the twin towers were standing proud. When I came back from class, they were still standing, only now – flames engulfed the tops of both buildings. Television stations inundated their audience with clip after clip of the airplanes slamming into those world famous buildings. As the live broadcast continued, a new scene unfolded. At first, it seemed like another replay of prior events, but soon, we all realized our mistake. Stunned and confused, we all watched as the first World Trade Center building crumbled into a huge cloud of gray and black smoke and debris. Now, only one tower remained standing, with fire still consuming it. Shocked, I composed myself so I could go to my next class, still not fully accepting that I was not watching a movie. When I returned from class, the lone standing tower, too, had collapsed.

Incredible. Unbelievable. I prayed it was a dream. I prayed it was a movie and not the news, but it was clear that this was real. From the top floors of the tall dormitories at Columbia University, views of smoke rising from the site where the twin towers stood just minutes before verified that we were living and witnessing reality.

Prayer meetings, candlelight vigils, and television news filled our schedules for the weeks to come. People shared their feelings with each other, about their family and friends that were missing. Muslim students lived in fear of the backlash they and their families might face, hoping that others would not hate them because they believe in the same religion as the terrorists were thought to claim. I lived in fear too. The sounds of commercial airplanes flying overhead startled me, whereas airplanes usually fascinate me. The sight and sound of fighter jets flying overhead did little to reassure me that everything would be fine. I feared that I would never see my family again, and I feared the potential aftermath of actions the United States seemed poised to take on the party or parties responsible for this horrific disaster.

For the first time, I understood what it meant to live in fear. I saw a piece of what some countries around the world face everyday – innocent lives killed daily. I cannot even imagine what their lives are like. It is time for Americans who have been living in a bubble of comfort to see the realities of this world. America is not an exception to the ills of the surrounding world. Some Americans look at themselves as better and more powerful than those in other countries because they are Americans, and they are proud to be Americans. Attacking America on its own soil seemed unthinkable, but, as we saw on Tuesday September 11, America is much more vulnerable than many would like to believe.

I am proud to be an American. Do I think America has a right to protect itself and take steps toward that end? Yes. But I am concerned that by doing so we may be endangering the lives of other innocent lives. Just because they are not fellow Americans does not make them acceptable “collateral damage.” We, meaning the entire world, were attacked, just on American soil. The news broadcasters have called this “America’s New War.” This “new war” against terrorism is not only an American war; it is a world war against terrorism. The terrorists attacked the “World” Trade Center, not just “America’s” Trade Center. Thousands of people from countries all over the world lost their lives in the World Trade Center disaster. Terrorism is something the world fears and must conquer, for it is attacking all humanity.

The nationalistic fervor that has sparked from this tragedy has made many proud to be Americans, but American nationalism alone cannot win this global war on terrorism. As the International Youth Declaration for Peace stated, “The best way to fight back this evil is by investing in an international coalition of peaceable countries.” It is the unity, the consolidation of international partners that will bring terrorism to its knees.

To unite, we all must learn how to love. We must learn how to love our brothers and sisters of different nations, races, and beliefs. I do not believe that an “eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,” is a smart way to live life. As a Christian, I believe that love is of utmost importance. Matthew 5:44 states: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Is it always easy to practice? No, of course not, it is so difficult for me to love terrorists or anyone I consider an “enemy.” However, what is my hate going to do? Love is what can transform the terrorists, and love is what can bring peace. Hate is hate, no matter how slight or how heavy the grievance. Hate leads to war and death. We need to unite. We need to love.

We, the youth, are the leaders of tomorrow. We are the ones who are going to change this world. We are the ones who need to demonstrate, ignite, and inspire this world with a passion for unity and love. As Reverend Nathan Baxter, Dean of the National Cathedral proclaimed: “In fighting evil, let us not become the evil we deplore.”

hurricane irene

2011-08-28T11:53:00.000+05:30

i wasn't taking all of these hurricane warnings all too seriously until... well... i just started imagining my parents deck patio furniture flying into our neighbors' house or into their pool or something.... so, i took a last minute and quick trip home to their house to secure everything. what a pain.

thankfully the neighbors helped me secure the grill cuz i had no clue what to do about that... everything else.. well, let's just say the kitchen and garage look like large storage closets. whatever... my college buddy tomo came down from nyc to hang and go through this hurricane together and well... just do work... before we hit the sack last night we watched the first half of the usa brazil women's world cup replay... great half... sadly i missed most of the world cup this year while i was in india...

the dinner spread

had a good day today, eating lots, celebrating garcey's bday, prepping for the hurricane, coffee shop hopping, doing some work, running through rain, eating.. oh i said that already... sometime during the day my dad called from his china phone number but calling from brazil telling me to check for an email they just sent me which said: NJ is closer to water than PA. do NOT go to NJ home. stay in PA. thx for the tip... how fortunate that whenever there is a major storm or natural 'disaster', the entire family is in some other country leaving me here to hold down the fort in the states... fun times.

camped out in the living room

i've got mixed thoughts about this hurricane. it's kind of bizarre. i mean, it's somewhat scary but also oddly there's this slight feeling of excitement... perhaps it's my optimism that everythign will just be fine... knowing we don't really know and we should prepare... but... i don't know... it's weird. it's been a fun day i have to admit... although when they were announcing tornado warnings on tv for our county, a few hairs did rise... i mean, you can't just announce these warnings and not tell us what to do about it... we prepped, i think, because we don't really know what it means to prep, but we did what we thought we should do, and now, we're just waiting it out... sleeping... together... 4 girls... in the living room of the house... camping style. we tarped up the windows near us, and are ready to run down to the basement if need be. other than that, our bellies are full, we've got plenty of food and water, and we're enjoying each other's company and hoping for the best.

a new friend

2011-08-15T22:22:00.011+05:30

another visit to his stall

jane and i wandered into the new market community the first weekend we arrived in kolkata to get some Indian clothing. it's a rough and frustrating area to shop in because they target tourists and follow you around and ask you forcefully to go and buy from different stalls... it's just annoying.. and they don't take no, get away for an answer. several times i've lost my cool and just told people to shove off. too bad it never stops those guys from continuing to follow us and bug us. forgive me.

but that first weekend we arrived, we happened to wander by this young man's stall. we got to know zaheed, our new friend, about 20 years old if not younger, who sells scarves, wall hangings, and all sorts of other things. we liked him right away because he offered decent prices and just seemed like an honest lad. we got to know him, and would visit him whenever we did any shopping at new market. when the rest of the team arrived, we stopped there again... several times... to buy more...

we got to know his story... he comes from a muslim family. his father passed away when he was just a young child... i think he said when he was 8 or 9 years old... after his father passed away, he stopped going to school because he wanted his mother to stay home and not have to work, and so, he rolled up his sleeves and started working himself to bring in income for his family. and so, since then he's been working.

joining us at church!

so on saturday we stopped by again to pick up some gifts for friends, and well, invited him to join us at church... and while we're used to people either saying no, some do say yes but often they don't really mean yes... but he said yes, and he came! as we walked into the church, he said to me: "i am a muslim, and now i am going to church." i was so encouraged to see him, to sit with him at church, to see him get to know some of the older boys from the boys home. i couldn't help but just feel pure joy and excitement... that God was going to save him and do an amazing work in this kid's life. we weren't sure if he enjoyed it or not as he had to run afterwards back to his stall to sell... but on monday, jane and albert went back to the market to pick some things up. zaheed actually said he enjoyed Church, pulled out the songs that we sang from his pocket and showed that to jane saying how much he enjoyed it, and asked jane to take a photo of him and share it with our boys so that they would know him when he goes back to visit!! PTL!!!

Chicken Wrap Man

2011-08-14T23:59:00.001+05:30

we've befriended some localers during our stay here in kolkata. there's one man who owns a little bodega... ok, a stall... that we buy water from almost every day... and then there's a guy who owns this small restaurant who sells these delicious chicken wraps. it's kind of like a philly cheese steak... well, with some substitutes. egg instead of cheese... chicken instead of beef... paratha bread instead of hoagie roll...onions and peppers stay. the first time we bought food from this man was not so pleasant. i think he was getting frustrated because we couldn't understand his accent... but those chicken wraps are just so good so we had to keep going back. he's a hindu man who 'blesses' his business with his god... well i'm not really sure if that's the right way to describe what he does, but a couple times during our visit, while we waited for our food, we'd see him light some incense, smoke it up a bit, waft the smoke and sprinkle water into different parts of his store... most notably he opens his money drawer and is sure to waft/sprinkle 'spirit' into that drawer. fascinating ritual... praying he'll come to know JC.

he's actually sold out the past few days which is a major bummer... but i guess good for him. he's so apologetic every time... i'm gonna miss this guy. we actually ran into him today - he's closed today tho - but we told him we'd have to wait till next year to see him and eat from him. sweet man who doesn't really undrestand us and neither do we really understand him... but what started out as a somewhat dicey anger and frustration filled relationship has become quite a fun loving relationship... so, mr. chicken wrap man (who sells much more than that...), until next year... stay well and don't forget us... we won't forget you.

hanging with our boys

2011-08-14T10:07:00.000+05:30

today was our last sunday with our EMC family. we took our older boys out for lunch at KFC as a little treat for them. they have really just been such a pleasure to get to know... to have as our neighbors... to be our guides and translators... to play sports with... to simply be older brothers and sisters with... to love... to fellowship. man i miss them so much.

we also ran into our street boys - Jackin and a couple of his buddies. Last time after we took him and his buddies out for McD's, he had asked if we could give him some shirts and shoes... so this time we came prepared with some of our shirts in case we ran into him... we bought some kfc for him to share with his friends and then we handed them the shirts. they were so excited... so precious... and it was so neat to see our boys talking to these street kids.

after our feast we went back to the office and played some soccer with the boys... got nice and sweaty... like usual... and then headed back to the flat.. packed some... cleaned some... and then headed back out to have a lovely dinner with the Sinha/George family. We all felt so blessed to have this time together... so sad we are leaving Kolkata tomorrow...

post-soccer match with our boys.

what a day!

2011-08-12T23:56:00.008+05:30

late night doing some marketing and brand messaging. i feel like i'm back in my corporate world. objectives, goals, strategies... oh the joy... early morning at the office to prep for a long day. pulling the microcredit work together at the last minute in hopes that we'd have time sometime today to debrief it with the leadership or at least the program officer. as we prep, in comes our friends from the states amit and jill who are visiting their family in kolkata. amit is the one who introduced me to EMC back in '08... and even that meeting with him was totally by chance... by God's timing and planning. it really was just random. it happened at a race i was volunteering at. i couldn't run cuz i was still recovering from acl surgery, so happened to have camera duty. met amit and started talking about india cuz i was headed there in just a few weeks... and he said.. you must visit EMC! and that was that... the rest is history... 2nd trip back last summer... 3rd trip this summer... and many more to come. i got a 10 year visa after all...

i made a mess... like usual.

we shared a bit on the work we've been doing with the microcredit and shared some new ideas for consideration... i was once again sprinting up and down the stairs as we had a final workshop with the teachers that was added at the last minute focused on team building and trust building. thankfully janers and albert kept rolling with the microcredit and gna is just so good at teaching these teachers so it wasn't a problem that i was mentally and physically wandering all over the place. i had attempted to teach some group formation theory but was a total flop... partly cuz i was all over the place since i hadn't decided which model i was going to use until i started talking and also just cuz it was way over their heads or concerns... we used a game from the movie freedom writers to help get these teachers to open up... and it was so good.. so powerful. it was the game where we lay the masking tape on the floor and ask questions that the teachers must respond to by stepping up to or away from the line - no words, no laughs. you could really sense a change in the room... a feeling that the room was now safe... that the teachers felt they could be honest... that they were not alone in the challenges they face as teachers... it was amazing to feel and see that transition...

the original plan was for all of us to head to ypf at the school together, but the reality was that there was too much that needed to get done... we needed more time to talk thru microcredit because some strategic decisions needed to be made... we needed time to train our program officer on the new data collection and documentation process... we needed time to just wrap things up at the office. grace and jane headed out to ypf, and albert and i stayed behind... we hitched a ride with amit which included a visit to his mom's beautiful grave.. wish i could have met her on earth in person... seems like a wonderful woman... and then we met back up with the team at the big mall near the school. what a day.

an eventful cab ride

2011-08-11T23:26:00.006+05:30

jae and julia left bright and early this morning. the remaining 4 of us had a lot to wrap up today but as with everyday, plans change and we just kind of go with the flow... doors open... we walk... and we trust God's schedule much more than we trust our own.

we all wanted to visit Connexions, a project that trains women from a local slum in sewing and handicrafts and employs them in making these beautiful bags, sari throws, cards, scarves, you name it... so at the last minute, we packed up everything and jumped into a cab to head over there.

on the way, we happened to peer over at the car next to us... which was a hearse carrying a body... but hearses in India are a bit different from what we'd see in the US. The difference? Well, let's just say the body is enclosed in a clear glass/plastic box on the car. Not quite what we expected to see and sit next to as we sat in the typical traffic of kolkata. then, we got lightly rear-ended. but instead of pulling over, instead of both drivers involved getting out of the car to talk to each other, they simply yell out the window at each other... and then continue driving in the traffic. i guess it makes sense. there are so many vehicles driving in the same space, completely disorganized, rickshaws, auto rickshaws, cars, trucks, and hearses, people, animals all crammed together in one space. there's really no where to pull over to, so... whatever i guess. so we continued driving along, and then 15minutes later, the cab driver tells us to get out of the car because there's some damage or something... so we have to hop into another cab to get us to our destination. thankfully our friend janea was accompanying us and could navigate and inform us on what in the world was going on.

we finally arrived at connexions, spent quite a bit of time there, and then went over to janea's home which was really close-by. a tiny little place but very cozy. he and his sister hosted the 4 of us in their little (bed)room, gracing us with love... amazing tea made by his sister, chips, Indian snacks, soda... and we got to see old pics too. it's nice to see home life... amazing family... amazing story... wonderful times.

tomorrow will be a crazy day... tired just thinking about it.

mcd's brings smiles to all

2011-08-10T23:58:00.002+05:30

I can’t believe it’s the final full day for Julia and Jae. Time is passing too quickly andd our time in India is winding down. I can’t believe it. On our walk to the office, we stopped to visit the Missionaries of Charity and Mother Teresa’s old bedroom and her tomb. I wish I could have met her in person… I can imagine her walking the streets of Kolkata… doing her thing… loving and pouring compassion out on the poor. Jae and Julia visited Connexions, a vocational training project that teaches and employs women from the slums, to see the project and buy some gifts there. While Albert continued his work and Grace prepped for the next workshop, Jane and I led YPF for the Pavement Club kids with little to no preparation but thank God things went just fine. It was actually quite interesting to hear how these kids think and how hopeful and confident they are in their abilities to change their communities. It’s a refreshing perspective to hear after being immersed in the lives of the adults in their communities who feel so hopeless in their life situation, buried by tradition and culture.

We were continuing our discussions on identity, community, and social responsibility. We asked the kids to choose a community issue for their small group to focus on. In one group, they want to clean up the physical trash in their community. In another to create a drug and alcohol awareness program. Another to create awareness program on not urinating in random places. And another group on the mental trash of the community… to transform the thinking of the community… to encourage families to value education and send their children to the existing governemtn schools there… to build up this next generation. Amazing young people. These young people are part of the Pavement Club program, a NFE that gets these kids off the streets and give them a basic desire to learn and be educated. These kids are not attending formal schools but they are being transformed through their participation in EMC’s ministries. Good kids…

Another teacher workshop this afternoon which went well. I felt like I was running up and down the stairs, in and out of the workshop, into meetings with different staff and leaders, etc. somehow squeezed in a meeting on marketing and branding. my brain is stuffed.. somehow keeping a foot in all the work we’re doing, perhaps not effectively but enough i hope... by God’s grace alone.

A packed final day with the entire team. We hit up a nice Indian restaurant for dinner, and then ran into Vicken, a street boy that Jane and I had pseudo-befriended a few weeks back. He's a kid that lives on the street and haggles tourists, aka us, to buy packs of chewing gum from him and begs for money. A few weeks back we had given him and his buddy some pencils instead. Anyhow, we ran into Vicken again and took him and his friends to McDonalds for a treat. I’m not so sure the McD’s staff appreciated us bringing in street kids with raggedy clothes, no shoes, running around in their establishment but whatever. Sometimes it’s easy to just get frustrated by these kids because they haggle and beg, but once you get to know them, the relationship changes. We felt like their older siblings. We found out Vicken is going to a school during the day, but then sells packs of gum after school to help pay for his school fees. McDonalds brings smiles to kids of all ages all around the world...

It is hard to believe it is time for us to send off 2 of our team members back to the US. It seems like just yesterday that they arrived. In fact, it was just like yesterday. We’ve had a wonderful but packed few days. The team has just been doing an amazing job, and it is so obvious that it could only be God who recruited this team to be at EMC during this week or two or six. Just amazing.

new market, another workshop, continuing the work

2011-08-09T23:31:00.014+05:30

This morning the team went to visit and help out at the New Market NFE. Unfortunately I had to stay back to teach English class. We usually have English classes on Mondays, but our eager beaver students, most of which are NFE teachers, insisted on holding class on Tuesday before their workshop since Monday was a holiday. I wished I could have been there with the team. Rumor has it Julia was asked to share “a story”, and Julia being the one who fears public speaking the most, stood up and pulled from her childhood memories to teach a song on Jonah that incorporates math and movement. Amazing. So proud of her. So wish I was there...

The 3^rd teacher workshop, on early childhood development, was held this afternoon. Grace and Julia once again did an amazing job. The teachers were once again raving about the workshop. It was neat to see lightbulbs go off, and watch he faces of teachers as their minds were being opened and broadened through the workshop.

The work continues on the IT and microcredit projects and the vocational training program. Jae hit up some tech stores to get some equipment and tools he needed. Albert and Jane are continuing with interviews and work on microcredit. The team is all doing an amazing job… they just run with all the work. I feel so blessed just watching them do their thing.

Midway Home

2011-08-08T23:11:00.001+05:30

poster at the home

Today we celebrated Rabindranath Tagore's 150th birth anniversary with a day off from work. He was a famous Bengali poet from Kolkata. The office was closed so we took a day trip to the Midway Home in the outskirts of Kolkata. The Midway home is EMC’s rehab home for alcoholics and addicts. It’s an oasis of a place, a good hour plus away from the city, with coconut trees and grassy fields and peace and quiet. It was awesome to see our brother S, the microcredit loan officer that we’ve been working closely with the past few weeks, in his role as head of the project at the Midway home. It was neat to see him interact with the men receiving treatment at the home, men of as young as 16 and up through 60. Men who trust him and look up to him because of S’s own life story that brought him to the Midway home for treatment over a decade ago. Anyhow we got to interact with the men, hear about their lives, and just get to know them.

After lunch at the home, we stopped at the drug and alcohol treatment center that all clients go to before coming to the home. Some of the boys at the boys home we are staying at also came through this treatment center… it’s crazy to imagine those happy little boys we live with once being addicts to various substances… young children as young as 4 or 5 years old. To think about the futures these kids now have.

Church... hanging with His precious ones

2011-08-07T23:45:00.000+05:30

Our team was asked to do “something” at Church today, so we sang a song for the congregation, shared about Synergy, and then Julia reluctantly gave her testimony… which was amazing!!! It was so powerful and so many hearts were touched… including mine and so many others who were just meeting her for the first time. So awesome to hear God’s story in other’s lives… thanks Julia for sharing!!!

After church we headed over to Pauline Bhawan to hang out with the kids at this childrens’ home. After we arrived we were welcomed with a feast that the awesome wardens of the home prepared. We are so spoiled. So delicious. Then we hung out with the girls and the little boys who live there… taught them monopoly deal, chatted, did line dances like the electric slide and cha cha slide, and other things. Time well spent….

Afterwards we took the local train back to the flat with one of the young men who grew up in the ministry… abandoned by his parents and brought to the ministry as a 2 year old, and raised by the EMC family, educated through their school and now serving in a variety of capacities with the organization, caring for the boys at the home we are staying at, all the while studying for his undergraduate degree. God’s handprints are all over this young man. The joy that exudes from his smile, the laughter and peace in Him that fills even our serious conversations… I’m so thankful for this brother… I’m so thankful for God’s leadership in His life… and I’m just so thankful that we are family.

We found out that the electricity was out and that they insisted we go and stay at the office… they insisted it’d be unbearable without the fans and we’d have water issues. We’ve learned that it’s sometimes just better not to argue and go along with their concerns and plans… so, we packed up a bag and headed over. as we left the building, the boys were all hanging out at the entrance of their building playing cards and games in small groups using the natural light from the moon shining through the smog filled polluted sky and burning candles. They were so precious, so joyful, so excited about this power outage… almost as if they were on a camping trip… only none of this was by choice. No fans means heat but also mosquitos since the fans help keep the mosquitos at bay… anyways, super cute.

breakfast for 30 growing boys...

2011-08-06T20:40:00.001+05:30

We made breakfast today for our boys downstairs. Wow, what an operation. Potatoes being cooked on the huge stove top in the boys home area. Eggs beating, bread dipping, pan frying on our small stove in our flat. It was truly a team effort, whether it was cooking or couriering, or buying more supplies. The boys seemed to really enjoy the French toast and syrup and the potatoes. I think they were stuffed… as were we.

Afterwards, we played some volleyball, cricket, soccer, phase 10 and stuff with the boys. The rain was coming down hard and the rest of the team was smart enough to play card games and do art stuff with the kids, but i, on the other hand, stayed out in the pouring rain, probably full of acid and other gunk as it stung my eyes.. and continued playing... one of the older boys wanted some goalkeeper training which I of course was more than happy to do! Twas fun, except for the rain that burned into my eyeballs. amazing kid... great athlete!

teacher grace teaching vball

helping with art class

serious phase 10 match

GK training

Wandered to New Market in the PM… picked up a cake to surprise the warden at the home whom we have come to love. He doesn't speak much English but he has this great smile and laugh... as does his lovely wife. we found out his birthday was today so we picked up a cake and surprised him and the boys. such a sweet time with them. someone mentioned it was the first birthday cake he's had. i don't think birthdays are celebrated like we do back in the states... the boys were all so excited, clapping for him, and just celebrating him.

after some hanging, we headed back up to our flat and had a nice time of sharing and praying together. I love our team.

Jumping right in.

2011-08-05T20:39:00.001+05:30

God has been so gracious to us. Jetlag has not been a major issue as we’ve had to get right to work. Only the team’s 2nd full day in Kolkata, and already 2 workshops with the teachers have been completed, some computers have been fixed, interviews continue with our loan recipients, and meetings with project leaders to clarify and push our work along. English classes have continued as requested by these eager students who are just so fun, intense, hilarious, and just wonderful students.

Yesterday we also had to lead YPF for the teens from the local slum and pavement community. We thought we might try some ideation with these kids and get them to think about what they love and what they’d like to change in their communities. Our prayer is that these kids would see how much God has given them, that they would see their communities and fill it with God’s love through their actions and words, that they would own their communities and be the change. Despite the backgrounds and circumstances these kids live day in and day out, they have bright minds and hearts filled with confidence that they can and will bring positive change to their communities. Unfortunately we didn’t have time for the kids to brainstorm how they’d address some of the challenges in their comunties; but we are looking forward to next week to start that. The kids brought up some real issues, and I’m confident they will succeed in bringing change. If they don't, then who will?

Today we lead YPF for the teens at Emmanuel School. We’re continuing on our topic on self-worth and identity as a man, woman, and a teenager. Preacher Jane gave a nice message, and then we had the teens tell us what pop culture, Indian culture, and their personal perspectives are on men, women, and teens. Smart kids. Honest kids. Funny kids.

Pavement Club YPF brainstorming

the team has arrived!

2011-08-04T00:10:00.001+05:30

we go from 2 to 6, all in a matter of 24 hours. our flat is filled now with awesome brothers and sisters, our personal belongings, and stuff for the workshops and stuff we're donating to different projects at EMC.

I spent much of the day sitting in a car, inhaling wonderful black exhaust, sitting in traffic, and driving in a real live game of super mario cart with 100 times the number of characters in the game, driving to and from the airport.. and sitting in the airport too.

stuffed into a taxi

it feels weird, being a "foreigner" myself, here in kolkata, yet picking people up, as if i'm the localer and the host! it was so great though to be there, to see them and welcome them to this city that i've grown to love. i have to admit, it felt good to welcome them to my 'home'.

so far everyone is doing well. they came bearing so much... their own personal belonging along with lots of donated school supplies, computer monitors, sports equipment and games for the boys who live downstairs... so much... and of course some american treats for us like pop tarts and tastycakes and korean ramen... yumm... we hit up pizaa hut tonight which was delicious of course. seems they had a bit too much indian food on the airplane.. hehe... and i'm the last person to complain about eating american food!

good times... unpacked and settled in... lights out... everyone sleeping... i hope... or laying quietly... just me in my safety mosquito net (despite there probably not even being any mosquitos)... alright... i must sleep too.

full day tomorrow. until then... or some other day... see ya.

a full weekend...

2011-07-31T23:53:00.002+05:30

just finished a couple short bucket-fulls of laundry. i'm becoming an expert in handwashing clothes. granted i emerge from washing and wringing out clothes completely soaked... in sweat... but nonetheless i have improved. the first time that i did it this trip, i didn't wring out my clothes fully, which resulted in clothing that needed to be washing all over again a couple days later as the wet humid rotten smell overtook my "freshly cleaned" clothing... it made our entire room smell musty... and there we were trying to figure out what was causing the new found stank in our room.

so we now teach english and computers, which i find quite funny... and fun. oh, and i also started teaching someone chinese today too. i don't know what i'd do without google... and the lovely people who put up all sorts of resources on the web... because before attempting to teach, i'm scouring the net for lesson plans, proper grammar, language arts terms that i should know but don't, and just ideas for teaching. i find that i'm literally re-teaching myself grammar so that i can somewhat act credible when we teach. english was never my forte... oh well... so we continue.

this weeekend we played with the boys who live downstairs. really great boys... they love phase 10, as does jane, so they were playing for a couple hours... while i worked up a sweat playing soccer, cricket (yes i learned, although my swing is a mix between golf and baseball), volleyball (with a clothesline as our net), and basketball (with the hoop being a spot on the wall), all in a tiny space at the entrance of the building. it was super hot but we had a lot of fun. then we got to break bread with the kids, which is always nice...

church this morning, then doing some stuff in a coffee shop, then off to aunty's to hang out with the girls... her daughters and another girl who we've befriended who is temporarily staying at aunty's. it's so nice to just live life with the family. i love... fun times... delish food... aunty made the best pumpkin pie and banana bread. kid you not that pumpkin pie was probably one of the best i've ever had, and i've had some good pumpkin pie... i also tuaght my first chinese lesson today too to her daughter...

my secret fears are all coming out... i consider myself pretty brave and somewhat 'ballsy', but let's face it... i'm just a big baby. i'm terrified of bugs... don't like lightning... don't like fire or even lighting matches... and the reality of being in countries such as Asia is... you really can't avoid creepy crawlies, and most stoves and ovens and such require turning on the gas manually and then lighting it with a match. i mean, i'd get over the fears and suck it up when necessary... but, man to have to change the gas tank in the kitchen, attach it all, and relight it up, to have to light an oven... it's not easy for me. luckily i've had people around who can help with that, but gosh i wish i could just get over those things and enjoy fire! and those other things... i think i watched too much rescue 911 as a kid.

...not ready to start a busy week... but can't wait for the team to get here in a couple more days!!

living in the land of silence...

2011-07-29T00:26:00.001+05:30

As I thought about those women in that community that were being oppressed by culture and tradition… God put Psalm 94 in front of me. These verses seemed so relevant:

v 17-24

“if the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence. When I thought, “My foot slips,” your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. Can wicked rulers be allied with you, those who frame injustice by statute? They band together against the life of the righteous and condemn the innocent to death. But the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge.”

God I pray that you'd come to the help of these women and that these women would come to know and seek Him. Similar to this song, these women are living “in the land of silence.” Wicked rulers… frame injustice by statute… band together against the righteous… condemn the innocent… God I pray that you would become their stronghold… that you would become their rock of refuge… because it is only through you will they find a life that is worth living, life giving, full of peace, joy, and purpose.

Join us in praying for this specific community that we are working in... that these women would be filled with hope, that God has not forgotten them, but that God has given them a life, skills, talents to emerge from their poverty and be agents of change in their community and in the world.

crossing streets

2011-07-27T23:34:00.000+05:30

crossing streets in kolkata is like a game of capture the flag... when you are going in to enemy territory nearing the opponent's flag and base, weaving in and out of people, jumping forward in confidence and then even a small hesitation leads to an all out retreat, and finally, you just decide, heck let's go for it, and you go in, hoping you'll successfully get the flag. If not, well, you're frozen.. or dead... squashed. That's what it's like, especialy during rush hour.

I have to admit, it's improved drastically on the major roads, even just this past year, but some side roads, buses and cars just zoom down and it's hard to get across the road. when you see an opening, you shimmy your way over. any hesitation will force you back to the sidewalk where you came from. only those who are bold, those who courageously call out in the name of... their hand... as they hold their palm up at cars tellibg the cars that you're walking and you'd better wait for me to get across... will get across. alternatively the technique i try to adopt is to follow closely alongside another brave soul and use them as a a buffer, protection from the incoming cars.

pavement dwellers

2011-07-26T23:37:00.002+05:30

Our daily commute entails a 20-30 minute walk down a very busy street, full of the sights, sounds, and smells of people, vehicles, and small shops and stalls. It’s not the vehicles that stop you in your tracks, but the faces of men, women, and children who call the streets their home who pierce my heart… men and women, grandmas and grandpas, children, and even little babies, sleeping, playing, studying, and living life on the streets… not that this makes the situation better, but I’ve grown accustomed to the site of homelessness in America, where we see mostly men sleeping on sidewalks, over gutters, or on benches. It doesn’t lighten the situation, but it’s a more familiar sight than seeing babies crawling and sleeping on dirty streets.

on our daily commute, every evening they sit there on the sidewalk and prepare for the night ahead, in the morning we sometimes find them still passed out and other times they are back to sitting or sweeping their little home, i.e. the street that I walk on and the small area that they sleep on. a couple times i saw a young girl squatting in her family's area reading a workbook, like she was doing homework.

it's a scene that would be unacceptable in America. yet it's sad how easily even this site of street families can so quickly feel normal. As if seeing several families and individuals living life on the streets daily… as if there being a community of people who lived a similar lifestyle should make it seem more ‘okay’ in my heart… is my heart becoming hardened? Are my eyes just adjusting to the “new normal” now that I’m in a new foreign city? But then I think of God… He sees it all, and I don’t believe He feels any less compassion on His children living on the streets simply because there are many in the same boat.

In America, there are plenty of homeless, but many of them are invisible. They may live in shelters or they may live on the streets under bridges and overpasses or in parks. Police will hunt them and shoo them out of the public eye. But in Kolkata, they are very visible, and quite frankly, hard to miss, even if you have heart of stone and veiled eyes. If you don’t see them sitting or laying on the street, they’ll be sure to come up and be in your face and beg or try to sell you something.

We’d never survive a night on these streets. Cockroaches and other creepy crawlies, rats, dogs, even cows, huge crows flying and pooping everywhere, animals defecating, food waste and other trash thrown all over, cars and trucks blowing black exhaust from their tailpipes, loud honking horns all day and night… it’s hard enough just walking down the street let alone sleeping. Yet families do it every night. If it rains, some set up a tarp and hold it down with a brick or two. If it doesn’t rain, they just sleep out in the open on the sidewalk. it's hot out so no covers, no mosquito nets, no nothing to keep out the many elements. While many of these children do not attend school, there was one evening where I saw a young girl, probably about 12 years old, sitting with her family on the sidewalk in her school uniform with a notebook out doing her homework. EMC has programs for streets kids but at the end of the day the families must agree and the child must want to attend. And while you’d think the parents of course would send their children, but for many of these families, survival is their first instinct and educating their children may not be.

inspiring hope into the hopeless

2011-07-26T23:29:00.001+05:30

this is a question we are facing. how do you change communities where the socio-economic/-cultural/-historical and some political strongholds are so strong that it keeps the people and the community from developing and progressing? it's a problem that we are immersed in. in this particular community, women are telling us that there's no point in thinking about the future, they laugh when we push them to tell us their dreams, they scoff when we ask them what they hope for their children. they are defeated... subordinated... powerless... hopeless. and it's easy to leave those conversations feeling like the situation is indeed hopeless.

but it's not. as we brainstorm how to empower these women more holistically so that they truly have a say in the family, so they have a hold of their family's finances, so they have the real opportunity to stand up for themselves, for their children, for their community... we can come up with post-it notes galore of ideas... we can research to death best practices and analogous situations... but at the end of the day, the only solution for restoring hope is in Him... in Him alone. people need to know that He has not given up or forgotten these women and these poor and dirty slums... that there is hope in knowing Him... and that He has given each of them the skills and talents and gifts and a life to live and thrive in their community and in our world.

but how? how do you restore people's worth. how do you convince them that they are beautiful, that they are valuable, that they have much to give, that they can dream for themselves and for their families. how do you convince them that just one of them needs to take a stand for all the women in the community. how do you tell them that moving out of their community and running away is not the solution? how? how do you tell them about Him in a religious and very traditional community that may react negatively towards the Gospel? it must be lead by Him.

restoring hope in the hopeless... the defeated. we believe it's possible because of what He has done for us. but it's going to be hard. it's going to take time. and it's going to take commitment. this is nothing new, even though it feels impossible. in every major milestone in history, someone had to take a stand and lead and be criticized and persecuted for real change to happen... Civil Rights, women's rights, women going to school, even title IX.

the easy thing to do would be to leave the community because of the challenges, but we're in the business of loving His people and helping them break free from poverty. but poverty is not just an economic problem... rich people can still be poor... poverty encompasses multiple dimensions including physical, spiritual, mental, etc. breaking free from poverty requires a holistic look at these dimensions and developing and growing those capacities... and so... back to the question... how do we restore hope and dignity in those who are hopeless... we will continue to pray and ponder and brainstorm... and we welcome any ideas and feedback!

computer class

2011-07-25T23:29:00.001+05:30

we were asked to teach an English conversation and computer literacy class. what qualifies us? well, we can speak English and we know how to use computers. that's it and that is all that is needed.

we had our first class today... it was super fun. the teachers and staff who are taking part in these training really enjoyed themselves and seem to have learned quite a bit too. for many if not all, it was the first time they had ever been on a computer. can you believe that? they did splendidly well. they were super cute... i was explaining the computer mouse and how you move it to move the cursor on the screen... and the next thing i see... one of the staff raising their mouse up in the air, hoping it would move the cursor! i'll need to explain better next time. super cute nonetheless. the class was an hour but most stayed nearly an extra hour just to practice typing and playing solitaire (to practice mouse click, drag, drop skills).

i'm looking for recommendations for good typing tutor software (free or cheap).

my mom is supper woman!

2011-07-23T00:11:00.001+05:30

we're doing well in kolkata but our days have been packed. things are quite busy so haven't had a chance to update or even reach out to awesome supporters... but that is on the to do list for this weekend... in addition to catching up on many emails. sorry!

too tired to pull a post together right now so i'm sharing a string of emails among my immediate family the past day and a half... i'm not sure why i'm sharing it but for whatever reason, as i lay inside my mosquito net with our lights off, i'm finding entertainment in this string... so, simply for that reason am i sharing it.

Email #1: Mom sends email with subject line "verizon hd box" to the family yesterday
Hi,
I installed the box for basement with tech support last nite and finished the one upstairs this morining by my self. Its not hard but just need a push to complete the process and it was not bad

Email #2: I respond to mom's email:

wow. nice mom. maybe you can find a technology support job somewhere! haha.

Email #3: Dad responds to the string:

supper woman

Email #4: Brother responds to string:

haha you mean super, not supper. sheesh maybe you are in china too long now.

Email #5: Dad responds:

i am either in china for too long or hungry

Email #6: Moms response:

dad means that I am the woman serve him supper. sorry I quit my job for now so help yourself. ha ha ha

dosas at Aunty's

2011-07-17T23:56:00.000+05:30

we went to Aunty's after Church today where we had the privilege to just live life with Aunty. She is such an amazing woman, and to be able to see her at her home, as an Aunty, as a mother is just such a blessing. Her eldest daughter who just had a medical procedure done was resting at home, so we got to spend time with her as well. i feel like i'm slowly getting to know the entire family... so sweet.

i helped aunty make dosas. it was kind of like making pancakes... yum.

lesson learned - wring out clothing well before hanging

2011-07-16T23:07:00.000+05:30

It’s Saturday… and it feels like a normal Saturday. We slept in a bit this morning, ate our peanut butter nutella with sliced bananas on toast and our maxim 3-in-1 coffee, just took our time to get ready… read a bit… spent some time with Him… and then headed out. We hit up New Market and wandered the stalls for some Indian clothing. We sweat so easily that it’s just not possible to keep doing laundry at the rate we are, and secondly, I dress like a sloppy American so hopefully this will help us blend in a bit more. I love that we can purchase something and then go upstairs and have it altered right there, for like a fraction of the time and cost than in America. I mean… shortening sleeves of a shirt and keeping the embroided cuffs, and cinching in the sides of the shirt cost me less than $0.50 US. Afterwards, we wandered over to the backpacker area and had a quick lunch at this street stall that has yummy kimchi’ish dishes… kimchi fried rice.. kimchi noodles… ratatouille… etc. Jane and I actually ate here a few years ago upon our first visit to India. It was delish although super spicy!

After our sweaty market shopping, we headed to the complete opposite shopping experience – a high class shopping mall. We wanted some AC… now we’re sitting on the top floor (6th floor), at the Coffee Bean drinking an iced cappuccino and eating pound cake. Yum. Well, it’s not really all that yum as it’s a bit stale, but it’s just nice to not be wandering around sweating, and sit in air conditioning. It’s a bit sad that this makes us happy, but it does. Sorry.

Continuing my post that I started earlier… we ripped out the post-it notes to accompany our coffee, stale yet addictive pound cake, and debriefed our meeting yesterday with CSS. Oh man we used up nearly a full pack of post-its! Lots of observations and takeaways from yesterday. We kept getting stared at… with our macbooks sitting out, yellow post-its all over the table, and well, two foreigners I guess would cause a stare anyways. After a fruitful meeting, we wandered a bit more, and then grabbed a bite at the mall food court, picked up some groceries down the street, and then headed back to the apartment.

Our room has been a bit stinky the past few days and we couldn’t figure out why… until today… I am learning how important it is to wring out your clothes as much as possible before hanging them to dry. I wrung them, but perhaps not enough, and then hung them in our other bathroom which is hot and musty… then moved the clothing into the bedroom the next day… the result… stinky! So, I just spent the past couple hours rewashing and wringing clothes out. Wow – what a workout! My fingers are so sore from wringing! good thing I live with someone who has much experience hand washing clothing… a good teacher indeed. I appreciate washing machines and dryers so much.

css... pizza hut... bieber...

2011-07-16T00:03:00.000+05:30

we visited our friend Himadri today who started CSS India over 23 years ago. I love that man! He is such a humble servant with a brilliant business mind yet full of compassion, fully focused on Him. I’m always inspired by our conversations. The past couple times we’ve met, I’ve gotten to know this wonderful man and hear his testimony and why and how he’s done what he’s done… but this time, we went to him with specific questions to learn from him as we look at some of the challenges we are facing with our microfinance program… and to hear and see how he has built and lead CSS India… all I can say is wow. We learned so much about microfinance itself, and are inspired by his approach. We have some learnings to take back to EMC, and while it’s not as easy as copying and applying Himadri’s model, his approach and mentality has got us thinking. Still much research to be done, but really great insights and best practices learned today.

Topped off our night with a date a Pizza Hut. We needed it after a busy week. Our brains are on overdrive. we pigged out… it was awesome. and all for $4 or so each. Added plus was the American pop music playing in the background. Justin bieber was on at one point and I was reminded of our flight to India just over a week ago.

I’m a bit ashamed to say this… but I was never a bieber fan, but on the flight to India, I watched 3-4 hours of bieber… baby baby baby… yes 3-4 hours. But let me explain myself. We were on an older plane so I couldn't start the movies whenever I wanted to, and nothing else interesting was on that I could just start following along mid-movie, and I admit, I was a bit curious about all the craze, so I tuned into his movie. And then I kind of got hooked, partly because of how entertaining it was to see how hooked these teenage girls were to him in the movie… and well, so then I kind of wanted to see the beginning of the movie and they just cycle through on repeat. And so, I watched the whole movie all over again. Secondly, it was the most brainless movie I could watch and multitask to. Excuses aside, he’s pretty talented I must admit. And yes I was singing his songs the next couple of days. Although his song quickly left my brain and was filled instead with other wonderful noises, like the sounds of honking horns of all pitches and volumes, some piercing, some like a baby duck’s quack.. and now… there seems to be a cricket somewhere in or near our room chirping the night away. Goodnight!

community matters.

2011-07-15T09:00:00.000+05:30

the good couple of days… busy… interesting… challenging… Yesterday we visited another project community to collect loan repayments from women receiving our microloans. This community is a smaller-scale red light area.

As we observe the process, as we notice things from yesterday’s community and today’s, we can see how a sense of community and cohesiveness with your neighbors can bring peace and hope and the confidence that life can be better. We saw that today. Poor but more organized. A more cleaned up slum but a slum nonetheless. Women who shared, laughed, talked with each other. Women who were confident, eager to pay, full of questions, loud chatter and debate, ending with smiles and a nod.

Yesterday – a bit more disorganized, messier, loud, an overwhelming amount of stuff going on. Less chatter among the loan recipients. Less organization. Less smiles. Less laughter. The difference? The environment and the community. Here, castes seem to still play a role in dividing this community. It echoes of the racial divide we still, although much diminished, have in America. Even within the poor, there are levels of poverty, levels of status, roles assigned based on your status… even today. Women are less empowered in this community as their husbands and sons run the businesses, despite the loan coming under the wife’s name. Research shows that when women get loans to care for the money, they are more responsible and put the money to use in a smart way that helps the family. But if the women are simply intermediaries… channels… they aren’t really all that empowered, are they? Perhaps there’s some more respect given to the women, but I’m not really sure yet. We have yet to come to a conclusion on that although hopefully the next few weeks of interviews and observations and research will tell. Hopefully we’ll get an honest and true view of reality in that community. Our thoughts? If not financially, how else can we empower these women to be leaders in their families, in their communities? How else can we get them to take a stand and take ownership of their lives? How do we change mindsets that have been reinforced through culture and years of history… of how “life has always been”?

my first successful shower in days...

2011-07-13T08:34:00.001+05:30

Today we accompanied our loan officer to receive repayments in one of their project communities. We're doing some observations this week to get a better grip of what's going on, learn the process, and get a feel of stuff.. The community was filled with noise cuz a wedding was going on right next to the community center wall where childrens' programs were going on and where loans were being repaid. Saw some teachers I got to know last year... super sweet to see them again. Although the language barrier will always be a bit frustrating... need to get my bengali better.

Constant sweating. I mean, I drip.

Today I took my first complete non-bucket shower! For whatever reason the past few days since arriving, either I begin with shower not working or I start taking a shower, I get just wet enough that I can’t just put my clothes back on, and then the water cuts and then I continue with the bucket… and Jane, for some reason, has successfully had full showers all these past few days. Well, today our fates swapped, although I think Jane diagnosed that during certain hours, it does not work so we’ll just have to keep track of those hours. it felt good to shower.

a slight.. major.. name mix-up. oops.

2011-07-12T08:30:00.010+05:30

A good first day at the office. Still getting settled, prepping stuff, running errands – got a 3g usb stick so we can get online more easily and have our team calls (yay!). oh, allowed the sales guy at vodaphone to take a photo of me on his cell phone (cuz we needed a passport size photo to get a sim card for the usb stick so he graciously just did it for me since they were closing… but who knows where my face will now be floating around… he seemed like an honest lad). What else… missed my American staple McDonalds and got permission from Jane to eat at McDs for dinner...had a Maharaja Mac and fries (yum!)… oh, and found out that the man who Grace and I love from EMC who makes amazing food that we ate almost everyday for lunch last year and has the best smile who we used to call “Mr. ” cuz his name starts with a K… well, we found out that the man we called Mr. K is not Mr. K but Mr. D! Mr. K is actually the other cook who is also super sweet and has a great smile… I can’t believe we’ve had it wrong this whole time. And even today I was all happy to see him and called him Mr. K. How embarrassing. Neither speak English so no wonder they just smiled and thought we were weirdos…

hot sweaty mess... always..

2011-07-11T09:27:00.003+05:30

I kept waking up last night cuz I was paranoid about mosquitoes, and rightfully so because I got bitten a couple times. Boo… just one mosquito can ruin a night of sleep. The mosquito net is going up! It’s not even that bad, but I can’t stand those buggers.

We had an awesome morning at Jeevan Jyoti Fellowship. The electricity was down for much of the service so no fans which means me dripping sweat, but that didn’t stop everyone from praising their hearts out. The Indian pastor was super charismatic, hilarious, and right on point. It was such a blessing to see friends and familiar faces and some of the children at the service. Such a joy to see how the children have grown and matured. It felt good that some remembered me and my name... although kind of embarrassing on my part as I couldn’t recall all of their names. Can’t wait to spend more time with all of my EMC family in the next days and weeks.

Aunty took us out to lunch after Church, and then we parted ways. We’ve been wandering the Park Street area in search of a SIM card and internet cards, and yes, wifi (which I should have learned from last year that it’s hard to come by here… and as a result of constant searching was dubbed the name tammy ‘wifi’ wang from ms. Na), but have thus failed. Instead, we went to a coffee shop that GNa and I frequented last year and have now hopped over to sit in KFC. This is the KFC that our team last year was taken on a “Guided Kitchen Tour” where we put on little KFC hats with stocking net and wandered through the back and upper floors of the KFC. It was pretty interesting… we are now hearing the staff doing group cheers and morale type of chants in the back. I love it! It’s like a little family back there.

We wandered a bit before heading back to the flat… found a grocery store – yes a real grocery store!!! Grace and I failed at locating one last year. We almost failed again this year, as one guy we asked thought we were looking for pizza hut (bizarre is supermarket in Bengali), which we did find to our happiness, but we met success this time. Then we had to walk forever back.. once again a hot sweaty mess, glistening, dripping, all of the above. Mosquito net is up and off to bed.

Off to Calcutta

2011-07-10T08:06:00.001+05:30

this morning jane and I hopped a flight to Calcutta. Twas sad to leave the team and Sangita, the children, and the women from the community. After we said our goodbyes, the cab drove down the street/driveway to the gate. Sitting all along the drive way were the widows that are part of the project. Seeing their smiles, their waves, seeing familiar faces that had pinched my cheeks and squished my face with their wrinkled and worn hands the day before at the medical clinic, was heart wrenching. Those beautiful faces will always be engraved on my heart.

Off to Calcutta. Upon arrival Shajan and his wife Anita picked us up. So nice to see familiar faces – my Indian family. They took us over to the flat we’ll be staying at, and it is so wonderful!!! Aunty and our friends at EMC put so much thought and effort into our accommodations. Flowers, a “welcome back” poster from the boys downstairs, a fridge stocked with eggs, milk, water, fruit, bread, and everything! It is so nice! Our place is so much bigger than we ever expected – 1 bedroom with 2 twin beds for my roomie and me, an all purpose room with a twin bed, dining table, and a separate kitchen and a little balcony. They delivered us some yummy lo mein and chilly chicken for dinner and everything! TOO MUCH! We are being spoiled. It is good to be back in Calcutta. The smells and noise come along with it but it is familiar and I welcome it, or, rather, it welcomed me. ☺

Sangita - build it and they will come

2011-07-08T16:00:00.001+05:30

This morning we packed up the van and headed out to Sangita Charitable Trust, an organization a couple hours outside of Chennai that serves widows and orphans. The North Coast Calvary Chapel (NCCC) team that we’re tagging along with was helping out today with a Medical and Eye Clinic that Sangita was organizing.

400-500 paper tokens were given to village leaders, who then distributed them to people in their villages who were most in need of medical care. Most of the people were widows, who Sangita serves in other capacities already. So in the morning, as we got ready to serve with Sangita, we saw people coming into the gates from the front entrance via public bus, some from auto rickshaw, and then many others who walked 1-4km through the back fields to reach Sangita’s property. Some could not walk and were carried in and out of a rickshaw. Villagers came in droves, friends and family from the same village. Watching them walk towards us through the fields was surreal. It reminded me of the movie “Field of Dreams”, only it was not baseball players, but people, mostly women, mostly older in age, faces worn and wrinkled but with smiles that revealed missing, cracked, and dirt stained teeth, wearing beautiful Indian saris, some wearing sandals but many without shoes at all, and some with long branches as walking sticks. Women come dressed in colorful and beautiful saris and men with plaid skirt-like wraps and wife-beaters, bringing nothing but that paper token, despite knowing they may have to wait for hours before seeing a doctor and going home. Some came with a dirty bottle of water, but most did not. No snacks, no food, just that paper token.

Once the doctors and nurses were ready and the people arrived, our team got to work. Villagers impatiently waited in line to trade their paper token for a slip of paper with their name and age that would later be used as their “doctor’s orders” / prescriptions slip. They then took that paper and waited in the waiting area, i.e., the walk/driveway within the gates of Sangita, the curb, the grass, the dirt, until they were called to see the doctor. Some of us spent time just talking to people… well, perhaps talking to them is an overstatement since none except one spoke English. It was a combination of shaking their hands, smiling at them, nodding and smiling at whatever they were saying, and trying to find whatever you could to make conversation with hand motions and the 2-3 words I sort of learned that morning. I spent quite a bit of time with the women waiting – we had so much fun! We laughed together, attempted to converse, got my cheeks squished and squeezed by old women, and…. I think I may have agreed to marry this old lady’s son. I’m not really sure but I think just may have. Clearly I had no idea what I was saying, nor what they were saying, but whatever, it’s nice to be able to commune with these women. I also think I committed to getting 2 nose piercings too (my parents would kill me if I did!). I wished I could speak some Tamil, the local language in that area, but you realize that just by being there, touching their shoulder, their leg, shaking a hand, smiling, laughing, speaking gibberish, nodding along when they speak back in Tamil, and just by reaching out and sitting with them means a lot… a mutual exchange of love and care.

After they come out from the clinic, with their doctor’s notes and meds in hand, the joy on their faces is indescribable. It’s as if they just found new life because of these pills. No matter how long they journeyed or how long they had to wait (some for almost 6 hours outside in the heat without food or water), they left joyful, returning the way they came. Those unable to walk were carried onto rickshaws. I helped two elderly women enter the fields, holding their hand and arm as they stepped down the 2 foot curb and into the fields. One was wearing sandals, the other was not. The resilience of people, the strength and joy, the camaraderie, friends supporting friends, journeying through life together.

It made me sad and helpless when women would give me the universal sign that they have no food and are hungry… what was I to do? And then back a the guesthouse about 50 feet away where our team rested and hung out was air conditioning, cold refreshing bottled water, and our huge lunches, many of which still had so much good food leftover that would go to the trash.
And then a touching moment. As people were getting antsy and trying to push into the door and see the doctor, some of the team decided to sing and dance for those who were waiting. Super cute! And then an old lady and man joined in as well!

After all that, the kids came home from school, and we played like crazy children with these precious little ones with way too much energy. We attempted to organize a soccer game but that was an utter failed attempt. Nonetheless, the kids had fun. The team had fun. I was pooped! But the kids were super cute. I got to know some of the older teenage girls, some of whom had been at Sangita for 7+ years! We did some small group English teaching, and then off we went to board a local public bus back to our hotel. Now that was a fun experiene for us, and the added plus is that we survived to tell the tale!

Chennai - a run in with security

2011-07-08T06:57:00.000+05:30

I started my professional photography career today on a borrowed camera. I’ll explain at a later date. I want to say I’m impressed with my photography skills, but I secretly admit that it was simply the camera that was good…

In the afternoon we headed to a super nice mall where Willie’s youth team was hanging out. Today was their off day, as we head down with them tonight to a smaller town outside of Chennai where we’ll be working with a ministry that serves widows and orphans. Well, we nearly didn’t make it down to Sangita because we were almost detained by security. The super cool kiddies… as the 3 of us walked toward them in the center of the mall, they started a flash mob like song and dance. The 2 security guards just looked on from the side, seemingly entertained, not stopping anyone. Then, a man in a suit comes over, all serious, questioning Willie about who gave us permission to do this… and then when we said we were leaving, he said we can’t just leave… anyways, brief drama, lesson learned, and off we went back to the guesthouse to catch our van down to Sangita.

Great kids, great fun, exciting and memorable moments. Makes me miss high school.

Enroute to India 2011

2011-07-07T03:46:00.001+05:30

Well, somehow I finished the packing and got on a jetplane to India this morning… I say somehow because since coming back from East Asia a month and a half ago, life has been all over the place – physically as well as mentally. Thankfully, despite forgetting some things, I am now in India. Over 24 hours of travel today…

A few highlights/memorable issues from the travel today:

1) flight from Newark to London, we found ourselves in the last row against the body of the plane. Surprisingly I kind of liked that spot. I mean, our backs were to the bathroom but it’s nice to not have anyone sitting behind you. You don’t feel bad about reclining and the seats were actually quite comfy. Back row economy seats… almost like those 1st class individual cubbies… sort of.

2) we flew into Delhi International from London but had to catch a bus to get to the domestic airport. Once we figured out which bus to get on, with the help of some kind samaritans, we loaded up our heavy luggage (we’re bringing a bunch of school supplies and such) and sat down, then found out we had to pay. But we didn’t exchange money yet. The last thing I wanted to do was to get the luggage back out of the crammed bus… so thankfully a kind man spotted us money. We had a feeling he must have had daughters – he definitely felt bad for us… anyways a nice man that we ended up paying back with US money cuz the exchange was not open at the domestic airport. Truly a good man who took care of us. We are now facebook friends! Haha…

3) our final leg of the trip: domestic flight from Delhi to Chennai. By this point we were both exhausted by lack of sleep and the mere fact that our bodies thought it was the middle of the night. I slept most of that leg but I awoke at one point to a plane with white vapor rolling into the cabin. It was quite thick… looking a bit smoky. I wasn’t sure what to think. When I first awoke, I did wonder if we were going down, but then the plane was oddly silent and seemed like it didn’t matter to anyone else. Least to say we’re still not sure what that was but our guess is some kind of humidifier or air conditioning or something?? We survived.

We are in Chennai for a couple of days to hang out and serve with Jane’s boyfriend’s youth mission team who are serving with a couple of organizations in and near Chennai. It’s a nice warm-up to Calcutta.

more than enough...

2011-06-07T20:51:00.005+05:30

God I am overwhelmed with life. I can't believe I leave for India in a few weeks. I just came back from Cambodia, China, and Taiwan. Okay, maybe that was just over a month ago... but LA two weeks ago, DC last week, and NYC this week... makes it feel like I've been home for all of... a week. I am pooped. I am tired of responsibility. I am tired of making decisions. I don't want to think about the things that need to be done. Forgive me God, but sometimes I find myself frustrated and lost for what to do because I don't want to think of others needs before mine. God what does it mean to truly and fully and sincerely "love you from the inside out", to "give it all", instead of the posture I've been taking all day, full of self-pity because I'm frustrated with work stuff and commitments, where I hear myself saying, "well, what about me?" and I can hear God responding... "what about you? Haven't I given you enough. I've given you more than enough." Right on, but sometimes it's still hard.

I want to just sit by myself... I want to lose myself in His arms. God what is this? Who am I? What are the words? What is EdGE? God it is yours because if it's not then I don't want to continue with it? God I cry out for your wisdom... your vision... your plan... God help.

bath of aloe

2011-06-01T10:55:00.000+05:30

is what i wish for right now. oh man, never again will i use spray on sunscreen... i will opt for the old school, hands slimy, asking friends or family to rub in awkward places, old school traditional lotion style sunscreen. 24+ hours later and my back is still interestingly patterned but mostly bright red... not as fiery hot though.. hopefully the aruba aloe that i've been craving since yesterday will work its magical wonders overnight. soccer game tomorrow night but i'm not sure how i feel about running around and sliding and diving on my sunburnt legs either... ouch... that truly does not sound fun. i like cali, but it is good to be home... although i feel like i need a vacation from my trip out west... exhausting trip... good to see family that i haven't seen since i was... 3 or something... good eats... good friends... good times... minus the 1 day of relaxation on the beach... well, it was good but the sunburn part... yeah... not so good.

so thirsty... filled by Him and slobbered in doggy love

2011-05-31T08:55:00.014+05:30

i'm out in LA area for my cousin's wedding. it's a cousin who i haven't seen since we were 3 years old... a cousin that i'm not close to at all but we reconnected over facebook a couple years ago. when she asked if we would come to her wedding... at first, it seemed kind of strange... like i don't really know you... but then, i realized it's not that strange at all... at the end of the day, family is family. as we caught up on the past 20-30 year of life, i can't help but excited about many more memories in the making in the future with both her, her sister, and her new husband... and her mom.

it's funny when her mom first saw my bro and i at the rehearsal dinner, her immediate thought was "wow, that girl looks like connie (her other daughter)". then we introduced ourselves and it was a joyful little reunion. anyhow, it's been fun reconnecting and all, but exhausting. mingling with parent generation chinese people, making conversation in chinese with distant relatives sitting at the same table is nice but so tiring. honestly it's hard enough in english... add in chinese into the mix... tiring.

my brother is here too which calls for some late nights. so after family event, we go out with his buddies, then come home late, then i get up early to meet up with my friends early in the morning for breakfast or something, and then back to family stuff... yes i am pooped! traffic in la does not help!! felt so dry and prached... i was so craving Him and His community... so thirsty... desperate... and thankful i got more than my fill as i parted ways with family and drove down south to my friend jane's bf's church near san diego... late but in time for plenty of good worship... and then topping it all off with some good 'ole dog therapy... dogs make me happy... like the cherry on top of a sundae...

learning to just "be"

2011-05-23T10:14:00.000+05:30

this is what is on my heart. this is what He is trying to teach my hard, stubborn heart. To know and trust Him for my life is hard. To just "be" and be comfortable with that is near impossible for me... He tugs more at my heart because that is the point - it is not meant to be comfortable. Ever since I was a child, I would be setting up the next thing... setting goals... challenging myself... preparing for the future... whether it was with sports, music, clubs, fun, youth group, life, etc... sitting and just being was something I was never good at. it didn't matter if there was opposition... it didn't matter if my parents told me there's no way... i would do what it took, boldly reaching out and networking, writing letters, researching, training, asking and sometimes pleading, doing whatever it took.

how many "random" messages does He have to give me before I listen. whether it's just these phrases echoing through my mind..."to be"... to abide in Him... to be like the lilies in the field that just "are"... or something I read last night that referred to Matt 6:33 "seek ye first the kingdom of God", and continues by saying "we argue in exactly the opposite way -- 'But I must live; I must make so much money; I must be clothed; I must be fed.' The great concern of our lives is not the kingdom of God, but how we are to fit ourselves to live. Jesus reverses the order: Get rightly related to God first, maintain that as the great care of your life, and never put the concern of your care on the other things.

And then... a similar message was written into my heart during the message at Church today. In particular, a poem about a weaver... I'm not sure if this is the exact poem as I randomly googled for it, but nonetheless this gets at the point that I needed to be reminded of...

The Weaver, Anonymous
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me, I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes he weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas, and explain the reasons why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weaver's hand
As threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

I want to just "be"... and indeed leave the choice with Him... but turning that concept into daily life is hard. but, i know it is worth it so day-by-day, as He molds me and guides the path, i will walk in trust and faith... at least i will try, and probably fail here and there along the way...

What's amazing that as we step in faith, I already see Him answering... even this evening through a simple and much needed time of sharing and prayer with a sista. what a blessing...

stripped of dignity

2011-05-21T04:06:00.001+05:30

The feeling I had today as my Dr. pulled out a long needle and a vial and told me to drop the pants and lean over the table. I mean... I had a feeling it was coming given my bout of oxygen deprivation and messed up bronchial tubes this week... but it's just not cool. Why can't u stick it in my arm or anywhere else... and to take it one step further... I had to wait for him to put a bandaid on my bum. Aiyayai.... is this too much information? Sorry.. its what's on my mind.

I think its working already tho... which I'm super thankful for. Haven't been eating, sleeping, or simply living well. With the big shot + oral + inhaled stuff... I feel like I could really bulk up if I started weightlifting today.

Oh man tho I do miss having a good insurance plan with good prescription coverage.. drugs are freakin expensive... oh well.. Whatcha gonna do about it...

Ready to enjoy some good o2... bring it on.

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"Careful Unreasonableness"

2011-05-19T20:25:00.000+05:30

A couple days after I got back from Asia, I had the last minute but awesome opportunity to see one of my favorite people who was visiting her mom for Mother's Day and for her birthday. Anyhow, back in HS she gave me a Oswald Chambers "My Utmost..." journal. It somehow came up in conversation and I was determined to find it... and so, I did. It's kind of fun re-looking at this. My friend gave it to me on January 5, 1997 for a "belated" Christmas present. I read a couple of my first journal entries into this journal... quite funny and interesting to think about what my struggles and such were back then - some the same, some different. Anyhow, I decided I'm going to go through this journal again and read day by day according to the date... duh... last night the entry was exactly what I needed to hear... and so relevant to what others who i was sharing with earlier in the day... God's timing is sweet. so, i'm sharing it here:

May 18 - Careful Unreasonableness

Matt. 6:26, 28 "Behold, the fowls of the air... Consider the lilies of the field."

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they simply are! Think of the sea, the air, the sun, the stars and the moon -- all these are, and what a ministration they exert. So often we mar God's designed influence through us by our self-conscious effort to be consistent and useful. Jesus says that there is only one way to develop spiritually, and that is by concentration on God. "Do not bother about being of use to others; believe on Me" -- pay attention to the Source, and out of you will flow rivers of living water. We cannot get at the springs of our natural life by common sense, and Jesus is teaching that growth in spiritual life does not depend on our watching it, but on concentration on our Father in heaven. Our Heavenly Father knows the circumstances we are in, and if we keep concentrated on Him we will grow spiritually as the lilies.

The people who influence us most are not those who buttonhole us and talk to us, but those who live their lives like the stars in heaven and the lilies in the field, perfectly simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold us.

If you want to be of use to God, get rightly related to Jesus Christ and He will make you of use unconsciously every minute you live.

(My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers)

be still... i am yours...

2011-05-18T01:42:00.000+05:30

starting ur own biz is hard. it's hard because i don't want what the world wants... so at least i say so but inside there's still that tug that pulls me towards the cares of the world. i care what He wants, but it's really hard. so many voices, so many opinions, so many things that make sense according to your training but may not make sense in the bigger His eyes picture. things that are counter-everything you've been taught in the academic and professional world. it's like being choked. i want to give up. i want to run away.

earlier today i had a meeting with a lady who's generously helping me with some of my brand identity work simply because she likes what i'm trying to do... but as we talk more and more, i don't really know if what we are discussing is what He wants. i feel like as we get into discussion, she's leading me another way which makes sense from a worldly sense, but it's not where i was going. it's an uncomfortable place to be in because from a business standpoint, what she says makes sense. i find myself jumping on her bandwagon. but then inside something doesn't feel right. i feel uncomfortable... confused... lost... maybe it's insecurity... maybe it's the tug that I need to re-focus on Him... gosh my wandering mind and heart... it's hard. i had to stop working on the brand identity stuff and shift to something else and get my mind off of it...

but as i sit here in today's virtual office at sbux, pandora streams in the background and the familiar songs play and the words are minister to my heart...

When the oceans rise and thunders roar... I will soar with You above the storm... Father you are King over the flood... I will be still and know You are God... Find rest my soul... In Christ alone... Know His power... In quietness and trust (Hillsong, be still)

... you catch me when i fall... you told me who i am... i am yours... whom shall i fear... i am yours... i am yours... (casting crowns, who am i)

..it's you i live for everyday... it's you i live for everyday... it's you i live for everyday... (hillsong, everyday)

thanks...

date with grandma

2011-05-16T01:53:00.001+05:30

i went up to visit my grandma yesterday. it's been awhile since i last saw her, and a visit was long overdue. now that my parents are in asia, i feel an added responsibility to care and love her even the more. not that anyone has said i need to.. and my parents, living still quite a distance from her, didn't see her all that much, but, but i guess i've always had a heart for the lonely... for the elderly... and, well, she's my grandma. she even mentioned that now that my parents are away, it feels like someone is missing, even though they are only a phonecall away. anyways...

first on our agenda, she asked if i could take her to visit her friend and drop off some home cooked food she made for her. i truly was touched by my 87 year old grandmom's heart. her friend that she met at a senior day care center is only in her 60s, but was caught in gunfire and was paralyzed from the waist down nearly 30 years ago. she has a husband and 2 kids, but it sounds like they are all not very close to her. in fact, she actually lives by herself in a low-income, senior citizen community.

despite the age gap, they are like "2 peas in a pod". i felt so blessed to be able to finally meet her, and she seemed happy to finally meet me after all these years. like any older asian person, she insisted on giving me things... like trident gum packs and reeses cups and random snacks... many of which my own grandmother bought for her at her request. such an interesting relationship. usually, it's my aunt/uncle. my parents, or me taking her to buy things for her. sometimes we just bring it over to her house, and other times, we'll take her shopping to buy what she needs. my grandma is very independent, so she will take public transportation out on her own to the grocery store or to the mall to wander and buy things, but sometimes bigger, heavier things she needs to rely on others for. but seeing her take on that role to buy things for her friend that she cannot get on her own because of her health and the challenges of navigating the wheelchair... was just such an image of God's love being poured out through His children, as helpless and needy as we can be in other areas. my grandma lives simply and has bad knees, suffers from a handful of medical issues, and cannot get around very well, yet her heart is filled with compassion towards this friend and does whatever she can to help. He places people in our lives to love, to serve, to give what we can. I was so blessed to see my grandma do this. Praying that this lady comes to know the God that my grandma and I love and serve and praise.

afterwards, we headed to palisades mall to wander around and eat. she wanted to go lingerie shopping... not quite what i had thought we'd do, but if i don't take her, than who will. she does take public transport to the mall by herself sometimes, but she wouldn't know where to look or how to buy the specific things she's looking for. and she's got 4 sons, and it's not really something you ask your son to help you with... so i was happy to take her lingerie shopping... we ended up just eating in the food court.. more options, easier for 2 people... i wanted to take her to get a manicure together (we did that a few years ago on a date) but she insisted against it. she's a saver, you see, and with no upcoming occasions, no matter how cheap it might be, she said no. and as i pleaded one more time, she said, "God wouldn't want us to waste money." Amen grandma. that closed that deal. we continued wandering around the mall and then went back to her place. Dropped her off and then headed back to my parents house and then home to philly.

fun times with grandma.

happy birthday to my sister and best friend!

2011-05-15T20:59:00.001+05:30

today I celebrate my late sister, my best friend, my dog's birthday. yes, she passed away quite a few years ago, but she is always in my heart and I miss her every day! happy birthday goldie!

reposting link to the eulogy/memorial that my dad wrote for her that i had posted on my blog years back:

truly knew how to enjoy retirement

Honoring Reverend Wilkerson

2011-05-15T08:58:00.000+05:30

On my way back from China, I heard the news that Reverend David Wilkerson, the founder of the Church I called home during my college years, Times Square Church, had suddenly died in a tragic car accident and was called home to our Heavenly Father. At the time, I was shocked to hear the news and in curiosity, canvassed the ultimate source of information - google - for news on what had happened. While I have not regularly attended that Church in quite a few years, it is a body that I continue to think about and visit when I am in NYC. It is a body that has spoke truth into my own life over the years. It is a body that inspired me to live faithfully and boldly... to worship... to worship freely and as the spirit leads... to love beyond human-made barriers.

As a college student, I didn't always appreciate Pastor Wilkerson's preaching because it made me feel uncomfortable... sometimes prophetic.. serious business... but that is what I needed - that is a voice that NYC needed... that the world needs more of. I repent for the immaturity of my heart. Pastor Wilkerson is someone who feared the Lord... and that is something I could not swallow then because I did not understand. That is a lesson God is still teaching me right now. I thank God for this faithful servant who transformed NYC.. who changed lives... who brought light into darkness... who brought so many to know Him... someone who loved Him and wasn't afraid to speak truth in the midst of darkness. I've been following the news and watching recent times square church sermons, and yesterday was going to attend the memorial service in nyc but instead watched it online live streamed around the world. I'm saddened by this loss, but also so encouraged by the response I've been reading and watching. His life is truly a testimony to many, including me. His life challenges me to live a life worthy of His calling. My life today doesn't reflect that. I have much refinement, much character development needed. I'm thankful to serve the God Pastor Wilkerson worshipped. I'm thankful to be on the same team as him. I want to carry on the charge God gave him... the charge He gave to us all. I need to step out in boldness... to proclaim His love... for His glory.

I hope anyone who sees this post will watch a recording of the memorial service and be challenged by the service to live a life worthy of our calling. Rev Wilkerson Memorial Service

Also wanted to share some snippets that really touched and spoke to me during his memorial service honoring this man, as his son-in-law described.. with "single minded devotion to Christ".

When Wilkerson's grandsons were questioning their faith, they asked their grandfather: "If God is really there, why is there so much suffering in this world? Why so many hungry people in the world. Why all the genocide, atrocities, crisis, natural disasters in the world." P. Wilkerson's response: "Boys I don’t have the answers to those questions any more than you do. I’m not going to sit here and throw a bunch of scriptures at you. #1 the people who complain the most about this question do the least about it. #2 personally I don’t even bother myself with the question anymore. I just intend to spend the rest of my life helping the most hurting people and feeding the most hungry mouths that I can"... which he did faithfully for a lifetime.

A friend of Pastor Wilkerson's who went the day after the accident to the scene. He sat there and cried and said "here we are again with that question again -- why would you let such a wonderful man of God die in a manner like this. why not let him go quietly in his sleep." but God spoke to him very clearly… this accident happened near an artesian well that people go to fill up water all the time. And he was reminded... "Bro Dave was just like this well. His life was an artesian well that just kept giving and giving. It was almost as if He allowed Bro Dave to come and finish up what he was saying to him.. and he could hear in the voice so well… don’t let the well run dry."

And the challenge his son-in-law gave in his closing: "if Bro Dave has touched your life... or some other man or woman of God has touched your life.. or if God himself has sovereignly touched your life.. I challenge you today, then pass it on.. pay it forward... let the rivers of living water pour out of your life just like they did David Wilkerson. Don't just love in words...love with your deeds. Don’t go pat your neighbor on the back and say God bless you. Be warm, be filled. Do something about it.... He didn't just talk. he didn't just pat people on the back and say God bless you, hope things get better for you. He did something about it."

Teresa Conlon shared about the olympic torch... "to be successful pass, that torch has to be lit... the race we continue today is not to the swift but to he who runs and passes it lit. i've been handed a torch, not because i was the fastest but because i stretched out my hand to receive it, burning. thank you for being that bright light to us... your love for the Holy Spirit has deeply impacted us."

A 4th grader from Arkansas wrote a letter to Gary Wilkerson, Pastor Wilkerson's son: "I’m sorry to hear your dad died. It is good to know that he was a Christian so that there is a great chance that he may have ended up in heaven. I feel in my heart he went to heaven but I’m still going to send money to his ministry." And his son continued: "The greatest joy is that he is in heaven. The greatest joy is that he dragged a lot of people with him to heaven."

other quotes throughout the service:

when you speak, you have to be vulnerable
We are the recipients of God’s grace, and his ministry and his generosity
Today we stand here and we thank him for for the many lives he touched because he was willing to stand before God on our behalf... he was willing to weep day and night for the ministry, for his people for his family, for his friends..
This generation needs people who preach wheat and not chaff.. fire and not fluff... willing to bring the hammer down again uncompromisingly who need the word of the Lord.
The heart of the church is grace, mercy, and love…
It’s not by works of the flesh… it’s by faith in Christ. The power to cleanse and heal your body…
My prayer is that the holy spirit would always be in charge. God has always protected us. I don't think there is any power on earth that can move us. because God has set His hand upon us.
Devil can’t kill you without God’s permission. And if God permits it, then instant glory… instant glory…

And to close this post with P. Wilkerson's own words... in his final blog post, posted the date of the tragic accident:

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

week one in america

2011-05-13T02:49:00.001+05:30

He knows what I need...

it's hard coming back to america, to your friends, to your community after being away for a few weeks. it's hard because yes, of course i'm happy to see my friends... i'm happy to sleep in my room and bed... i'm happy not to have to live out of a backpack... i'm happy to breathe the clean air.. i'm happy to see the beautiful blue skies and the wonderful bright sunshine...

but...
you have to deal with the realities of jetlag and re-adjust back into a regular schedule... catching up on things is a pain and takes time... and seeing friends is awesome but sometimes you just don't know what to say. it's hard to summarize a trip without going into minute details that most likely will bore anyone. I'm also chewing and working some things with God, like I should always be, but there's a few specific things that's pressing on my heart. I've been calling it processing... cuz I don't know what else to call it and it seems to be a generic enough term that folks understand.

through this all... it has been so clear that He has been orchestrating every day for me to allow me to ease back into life here... starting right with day 1. the rest i got, the friends i saw, the questions they asked, the jetlag i had that woke me up early to spend some wonderful qt with Him, my best buddy who happened to be in town for mother's day that i got to see b/w the random hours of midnight and 3am, etc. the list goes on... it may not seem like anything big but i know that it was He who orchestrated this all.

It seems that I am already in the normal swing of things... hitting up my virtual office at random coffee shops around town. It's good to be back. I'm hoping to take advantage of this jetlag and continue this go to bed early (for me) and waking up early thing... it's been good... it's been good to start the day each morning with Him, at an hour when things are still quiet and the air feels fresh. It has been good.

stepping back into the states

2011-05-06T21:30:00.001+05:30

on friday may 6 at 12:10pm, I left Shanghai to arrive in San Francisco on friday may 6 at 7:35am. It's like i never left... in fact, i even gained a few hours. I love that about flying west from Asia.

So i couldn't sleep on the flight... which will only be trouble later as i wait for my connecting flight to philly... thinking about junk... didn't even watch any movies... anyways, i'm in downtown san francisco right now waiting to meet up with my college friend lynn (yay!!). i'm sitting in side at a coffee shop but earlier a pigeon was walking by my foot, then under my seat, then next to me... those little buggers...

as i wander around this area by the water, i was a bit concerned i looked funny or had something hanging off my face or something because people would smile at me and say hi. i mean, that doesn't happen in china... and that definitely doesn't happen in philly... but then i simply remembered that people in other cities in the states do smile and greet strangers. at least i think so...

it's good to be back in the states. i need to relearn how to cross streets though... but the fresh air.. the blue sky... the diversity... i love it.

working in krispy kreme shanghai

2011-05-05T14:47:00.000+05:30

I took an extended lunch break, mainly because I couldn’t decide what to eat and then I couldn’t decide where to go after lunch and then finally couldn’t decide which coffee shop to sit in for the rest of the afternoon.

I wasn't really hungry...not really in the mood for anything in particular… causing me to wander. I had McDs yesteday for lunch, and Lisa was not too happy with me for that… and I agreed that was my last McDs in China before heading back to the states and I should eat something asian. So after walking up and down this outdoor mall like place, passing Papa Johns, McDs, Krispy Kreme, KFC, Korean food, Sbux, Pho, Beard Papa’s, and plenty of other delicious places, I went for a ramen place. Nice and light.

I was supposed to stop by my friend’s office for a quick fly by hi and bye, but I’m feeling lame and poopy and don't want to move... so after I finished eating, I continued to wander back and forth in this shopping area… and then I needed to decide where to spend my afternoon. My main requirements: wifi and cheap. I just don't feel like spending $3-5 US on a coffee right now because honestly I don’t really want coffee… I’ll spend a couple bucks but that’s it. I’m being cheap… I know. So as I continued to walk back and forth in this little outdoor mall, I finally decided on Krispy Kreme. Cheap and yummy... and, I don't have to get a coffee or tea that I don't want to drink. just a donut which of course i already happily devoured.

My mom just emailed an update... gramps is out of operating room and already in his own room. He had local anesthesia.. amputated higher than initially thought.. he sounds rather "normal and loud" (my mom could hear him over the phone...). continuing to pray but good news so far.

sitting on the 2nd floor of this krispy kreme...catching up on news... investigations in pakistn and b-laden stuff... working on my brand identity stuff.. I really want to nap... I want to lay on that orange couch that other ppl are sitting on... maybe i should have gotten a coffee after all.

meeting lisa later tonight to go to her cg and then pack up and prep for my long trek back to philly tomorrow...

coffee shop hopping

2011-05-05T10:16:00.001+05:30

I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now, just like I do in the states, thinking and praying for my gramps who’s having surgery this morning to have his left leg amputated. This is going to be hard for him… my mom told me that when the final decision was made by the family a couple days ago, he was crying quite a bit about it. I saw him shed a few tears while I was there visiting a few weeks ago. I had to leave the room then cuz I was losing it too, so I can only imagine what it was like in that hospital room when this decision was made.

just got a note that gramps just went into surgery half an hour ago... surgery to last a good 3 hours... then 2 hours of monitoring...

My mind is filled with gunk right now… gramps, stuff from mtg, work stuff... and I feel kind of icky. My bronchial tubes feel like they're getting messy. I hope it goes away by the time I step on the plane tomorrow. I don’t want to be like one of them folk coughing up gunk everywhere. Sadly I don’t actually know how to cough up gunk even if I wanted to… I know, it’s ridiculous…

Need a change of scenery and bio break so gonna head out to grab a quick bite… then coffee shop hop to another joint.

how do you say "employee engagement" in chinese?

2011-05-04T20:55:00.003+05:30

After being on hold forever with Continental airlines, I was able to change my flight… although now with a long layover and a $75 change fee. Mostly all my flights this trip were free from accumulated miles, but gosh those change fees are racking up!

I got a phone call this morning from the company I was hoping to meet.. and hence why I had to change my flight. I was a bit nervous all day, wondering how this meeting would go and whether it was going to be in Chinese or English… I mean, this all happened so quickly and so last minute and all. I was happy to arrive at the office to find a mix of friendly foreign and Chinese faces, and was thankful that English was the chosen language for the meeting. While I did spend a lot of time looking up and asking my friend how to say some of the things I’m trying to do in Chinese, things that my friend doesn’t think really exist in China… like employee motivation, employee engagement, etc. Despite spendin the day stressing about it, I was thankful in the end to have the meeting in my mother tongue so I could actually converse in a meaningful, understandable way. anyhow, i thought it was a good conversation... not sure where it will go from here... or how He's leading through this...

headed over to a cool cafe in shanghai to do some work and met lisa there... dinner at a delish yunnan place...

praying for my gramps who's having surgery tomorrow...

back to shanghai

2011-05-03T20:52:00.000+05:30

Another early morning to trek from heze to Zhengzhou airport to fly back to shanghai. My parents don’t trust my ability to get to Zhengzhou and figure out how to transfer to the airport shuttle so my dad took the day off to go with me there. Sheesh. I guess it was good considering the airport shuttle tickets had sold out and I ended up in some private car with 3 other strangers. Quite the entertaining drive tho… I got in the car with these 3 strangers. The driver took us to some other area to be picked up by another car.. a larger one with another passenger in it already. Man that driver drove so fast I so wished I had my seatbelt on. So this black Honda suv/minivan mix… not sure what it was.. maybe an odyssey… had all sorts of horns and bells and whistles attached. No joke, this guy would sometimes beep his car horn, then sometimes use a buzzing noise that cops use, then a siren like an ambulance… and swerve in and out, in between tight places… it was nuts.

I’m a seatbelt advocate in all situations but when seatbelts aren’t available because drivers have them tucked away, there’s not much you can do. My dad is actually more strict than I am apparently. Sometimes if he needs to take a taxi somewhere, he’ll show up at work with a grayish black streak across his body… marks from a seatbelt collecting dust since it’s never been used before. I was in the car when a taxi driver told him… “oh you don’t need to wear that”, but my dad insisted that he did and did indeed pull that seatbelt on. My dad also pulls out English at random moments to Chinese people, not even realizing he’s speaking in English and the people have no idea what he’s saying… so American.

I’m now back in Shanghai. Trying to coordinate one more meeting tomorrow morning. I’m not really sure how that’s going to work out if it will at all… in fact it kind of stresses me out thinking about it, but I’m putting it into His hands… if it works out, it could only be His hand at work… if the door closes, that is fine too.

Also when I stepped into the Shanghai airport, it was like a breath of fresh air. When I stopped in the bathroom in the airport, oh man, it was so nice and clean… and regular toilets! I know that when I had written about coming from Taiwan to Shanghai and how unprepared I was by the smells, noises, and people of China… well, I guess I adjust easily to the circumstances around me… cuz now I was so happy to be back in the same city that I had commented negatively on just a couple weeks ago. It’s all relative I guess!

yuntai mountain day 2

2011-05-02T21:10:00.004+05:30

We are tired… we had to wake up this morning at 3am to head to breakfast by 4, and be at the mountain by 6 so that we could avoid some of the crowds and then get back to Heze at a reasonable hour. The area we hit up today was much less crowded than yesterday. We did drive by the area we were at and the lines were already standstill… at 6 am! Could not believe it.

We had a good day of hiking, seeing the views, waterfalls, and the like. The thing with these asian tours is that they take you to the tourist sites that you signed up for, but then they also bring you to these shopping areas that sell you items locally made in that region. The bus and tour guides probably get some commission from the group going and buying things. One of the shops we visited was a kitchen knife store. They sat us down in a room and did a live infomercial on their knives. I guess that late night home shopping network tv channel does exist in China… live… brought to you in person.

After all that, we headed back on our 4 hour bus ride back to heze… then a slow but delicious dinner at some western style establishment that my parents frequent… then back to their apt to pack up for my journey to shanghai then home to the states.

don't travel on may 1 holiday

2011-05-01T21:17:00.000+05:30

This morning we headed out to catch our tour bus to Yuntai Mountain. We decided at the last minute to check this place out but we soon realized after we arrived at the mountain that going over the May 1 holiday – the Chinese Labor Day – was not such a good idea. So many people…excruciatingly painful long lines… pushy people shoving their way through lines and onto buses… the spitting.. the trash thrown everywhere… the smells… not good.

Nonetheless, to say the mountain, the waterfalls, the pools of water were not beautiful would not be fair, but sometimes it’s hard to separate your general surroundings with the beauty in front of you. That said, I would love to go back there again when it is less crowded, although even that is hard to come by. So the estimate is that the number of people who visited that day because of the labor day holiday ranged from 70,000-100,000 people at a time. On a typical day… 50,000 would be the norm.

Despite being in line and moving an inch at a time at times, it was still a good hike, up and down stairs and all. It made me regret hitting up the spinning classes I took up the past couple days, although we all know I need all the exercise I can take at this point.

After a long day, we headed to our hotel. So, the tour operator we took is a local Chinese one, but supposedly one of the best ones in the area, something my parents find very important for safety and comfort reasons. I, on the other hand, do not prefer tour groups.. but deciding so late in the game to go gave us little choice as most hotels and trains were all sold it already. So after we get on the bus to head to dinner and the hotel, we’re told that all the hotels were sold out so we were staying a good couple hours away from yuntai mountain… that got my parents quite worried about the kind of hotel we’d be staying in. After dinner… btw I found some extra protein on a cauliflower stalk over dinner… a little caterpillar of some sort. With my dislike for bugs, I’m surprised I didn’t scream. Instead I kind of stared at it wondering if it was supposed to be part fo the dish, then came to my sense and wiped it off, and almost ate the cauliflower… then quickly changed my mind and placed on the tablemat. GROSS.. I think in America or a different part of China, I would have flipped, but I guess this was a bit more in context so I believe I handled it maturely. ☺

So we arrive at our hotel and my parents are not happy. I mean, it was not nice, but it was not horrible. I’ve been in worse… but it’s not quite my parents’ type of travel… i could see the disgust in their faces... my dad made a comment that made us laugh… “after being here, I don’t feel so bad about being in heze”. Heze is the town they live in right now. At the least, staying in this hotel in this town brought a bit more perspective to their situation.

baby buttcrack pants

2011-05-01T15:24:00.000+05:30

I can’t help it, but I have an unhealthy obsession… well, it’s really just curiosity with these kaidangku – those open butt crack pants that Chinese babies are all dressed up in. Aren’t parents worried that they baby will pee or poo while the kid is sitting in their lap? I do see some younger babies wearing diapers under those kai dang ku, which I also don’t quite understand, but I suppose if that’s all they sell here in China, then it is what it is. It half disgusts me but also entertains me too... I know... I need help.

I keep thinking... give the child some dignity... exposing his or her bum everywhere. I guess I'm not helping the situation by posting some pictures up on the www.. but no faces are shown and I guess I'm assimilating to the norms here.

more flowers...

2011-04-30T21:28:00.065+05:30

this morning we had to get up extra early to make it in time to get KFC's breakfast. i've been so intrigued by their breakfast offering, which includes the normal breakfast sandwich kind of stuff and then also some chinese flair, like fried crueller dough thingy and congee!

again, my fascination w/ baby buds

we hit up the heze international peony exhibit. despite not many people having heard of this town, something they are famous for are their peonies. apparently the beautiful peonies we saw in luoyang originated from heze... but due to poor marketing and lack of business saavy, it seems that luoyang beat heze to the floral tourism competition, if it can be called that.

meanings completely change with
omission of 1 simple letter... "Lotus Poo"

my new look

while the floral park was really nice, most of the flowers had already wilted and in peony heaven. nonetheless, we had a good time just wandering around the gardens and such.

"protecting your circumstances
begins with me" so throw
your trash where it belongs.

a new type of tree... trash tree

Later this afternoon we headed over to see the local church building that my parents attend. It’s in the old part of town that reminds you of what old China would look. A poor area. I wish I was going to be around on a Sunday so I can attend service with them… I guess that will have to wait till next time.

Afterwards we headed to this open park area where a stadium and concerthall are. Not really sure what happens in them or how often there are performances, given that this is such a small city, but it’s a nice open area where you’ll see families exercising, sitting and hanging out with their kids, flying kites, rollerblading, etc.

I’m no good at sitting still so I brought along this Chinese hackysack with feathers that Chinese people play with. I need some more practice with that… it’s quite different from juggling a soccer ball, but that’s my main frame of reference.

chillin in the park

struggling with the chinese hackysack

Then…we got all excited because we saw a greyhound there! Despite my parents not wanting another dog, I could tell that inside, they were connected to this little greyhound… I could tell they were thinking about my goldie. I wish they would adopt another… I so wish… it was sad though because later on, 2 german shepherds went over ot pick on the greyhound and fight with the skinny little guy. I felt so bad for the little guy… I could tell my parents were stunned by it. The poor thing… I just wanted to run over and hug the greyhound, but the owner had warned us not to when we initially approached the owner and asked permission to pet it…

don't litter!

2011-04-30T21:14:00.000+05:30

let's face it. lots of people here in my parents little but large town toss their trash whereever. granted, these litterbugs are creating much needed jobs for these old men and women hired to pick up trash everywhere... but still... let's take some responsibility for our earth.

BUT...
this morning, as we were headed out of my parents apartment, we walked by a mother and her elementary school aged daughter. The daughter was about to drop her juice carton on the ground when her mother harshly scolded her and said in Chinese: "you forgot again! you cannot throw things on the ground like that." I was so proud of the mother! Now that's parenting...thank you.

Later in the evening, my dad and I were walking back to the apartment. In the complex, as an SUV drove by us, a lady rolled down her window and dropped her food wrapper out the window. As she was rolling up her window, my dad nicely says in a tone as if she had dropped something personal of hers that was very important, "oh, you dropped your... trash." I could tell she hesitated at first before my dad said the word "trash", wondering what she had dropped. She rolled up her window and the suv continued to drive away. Anyways, hopefully she took some of my dad's comment in although she seemed a bit peeved. I was proud of my dad and found quite a bit of humor in just hearing my dad's tone towards her.

thinking about...

2011-04-29T21:19:00.001+05:30

the royal wedding. where was i? i had just jumped out of the shower after finally hitting up the gym, to find that the wedding was not being broadcast on any ch tv station. they were only capturing snippets here and there... so i scrambled online to livestream from abc to cnn to bbc... a mess of a time. i thought we were going to have dinner watching live stream of the wedding on my computer, but i grew so frustrated with sites dropping, blocked, and plain old slow... very slow... constantly dropping. so, gave up and watched some snippets on tv and internet later this evening.

thoughts and prayers...
Alishan train accident in taiwan that killed 5 mainlanders and injured slews of others. on the news here quite a bit. sad to see the families of those who lost lives... to think they went out on vacation, having a grand ole time, to end in tragedy.

Tornadoes back in the states. there's not as much press coverage on this here but can't believe what's going on back at home.

home sweet home... in china.

2011-04-29T10:14:00.000+05:30

french fry box at dico's reads:
"every min 100 acres of rainforest
disappears from our world. if each
person saved 1 sheet of paper
(size 16? my guess is 10x16),
we could save 284.4 tons of forest."

I finally made it to my parents place in middle of nowhere China! A small town that many legit Chinese people from China have never heard of… yet despite that, there are over 8 million people who reside in this “small” city. If anyone’s been to China, you’ll know that there are plenty of McD’s and KFCs and some Pizza Huts. There is not even a McDs or Pizza Hut in this small town – only a couple of KFCs and a local KFC like place called Dicos – so that tells you something about the size and development of this town.

Despite that, it feels like home even though it is not Philly nor even the country I was born and raised. There’s something about being with family that creates that comfortable home-like atmosphere. Or perhaps it’s simply that I have a bedroom here to myself and I feel the freedom to throw my stuff anywhere I want, or at least wherever in the bedroom. My parents are pretty used to my messiness, and I’m quite used to (putting aside) their comments about me cleaning up. My excuse is that it’s hard to live out of a backpack for so long… excuses I aside, I admit I can be quite messy at times. And it's been so nice to just sleep in and veg...

parents pad in china

river and walkway next to their apt

As I write this morning, I’m sitting in their apartment on my parents yang tai, sun room/indoor balcony like structure that the localers use to hang their wet laundry. My parents also use it for that purpose, but also just to sit, relax, soak in some vitamin D, read, work, or whatever. Legit Chinese people don’t like the sun so I assume we are probably the only family here that uses this for that purpose. Nonetheless, I am enjoying this wonderful morning sitting out here, having a little qt, listening to my itunes, sipping some Nescafe coffee. My mom’s just joined me on the yang tai.. the two of us, with our coffee and laptops open. My mom playing mahjong tile matching game with others on the www, me just doing my usual.

My dad’s at work during the day, so my mom and I have been hanging, running errands, and stuff. We wandered over to the mall yesterday – pretty decent mall actually. I convinced my parents to get a router for their one internet line – things here work a bit differently such that you need to register the computer that will use the internet line, so it’s a pain, nearly impossible to switch computers – so having the router installed has been really great as many of you all know how much I like to stay connected. I feel like I finally have some time to catch up on some emails and do some things that I’ve really been needing to do, like prepare for a trip to India this summer to work with Emmanuel Ministries again. Emails and work that have been delayed… starting the catch-up.

Last night I saw an interesting article by one of my fav nyt reporters. Won’t post it here and now. Good article tho..and a good reminder of the need to remain careful with communications to/from this country.

Outside my parents apartment is a little exercise playground with all sorts of fun exercise machines that don’t do much of anything. Well, I guess it’s better than nothing, but my mom and I had a blast playing with those on our way out yesterday. Here are some pics.

the human hamster wheel

side swing

eliptical swing

upright rowing maching

English translation at its best - "Howdy..."

2011-04-25T21:21:00.002+05:30

mom and I are staying at an airport hotel where we’ll be picked up at tomorrow to head to my parents place. I assume this airport hotel caters to business people, mostly local but I’m sure international too since it’s next to an international airport and there’s quite a bit of development going on in this town, but… they are definitely going to need to work on their English translation. In the “service directory” pamphlet in the room, there is a welcome letter that entertained mom and i with a good laugh. I took a photo of it but i can't upload photos through this poor connection... so... i'm just writing it out... because it is that good... well, at least we thought so.

Honorific guest:

Howdy!

I represent ZHENG ZHOU'S all employee of the hot springs hotel of the airport sincerely to your come to mean most earnestness of welcome!

Cabaret is from ZHENG ZHOU in Henan new international airport management limited company investment build of one three star Class cabarets of, locate at to wait the machine building west side at new international airport of ZHENG ZHOU, own the convenience, the fast boarding Service exclusively; The environment is beautiful, staying at this, can make you free of mind and happy of heart: The facilities is well-found, service enthusiasm, thoughtful: The hot springs shower of the cabaret can make you the fatigues of the busy cancellation travel; You can also taste the cabaret restaurant here the delicacy good dinners of various taste, such as yu, yue, chuan of a reason with m---- and xiang, Etc. Everything is here are all for you to prepare of.

The cabaret all the employees all wish to provide the service and help for you, from the bottom of the heart wishing to wish you to spend a fine time here!

flowers flowers everywhere!

2011-04-25T09:08:00.057+05:30

Mom and I went to the white horse pagoda – another Buddhist temple. Nothing too exciting, but the fat, smiling Buddha statue welcoming us was quite cute. After lunch at KFC – yes we are truly an American family – we headed to one of the many peony gardens. The peonies in Luoyang are internationally renowned. Apparently they open in beginning of April, so we’re a little bit late in the season so some were already dying, but they were still beautiful and impressive.

field of baby buds...

birth of a new life...

baby bud looking up to its
mature beautiful sista

It was neat to see the flowers in different stages of life – some just a bud, some starting to bud, others as full bloomed flowers, and many others starting to wilt. It was the tiny buds that caught my eye the most… which I guess you might say is kind of strange since they’re not that beautiful compared to the bloomed flowers around them. But as I stared at the buds, I was so reminded of His work in our lives, in the lives of those around us. Physically, they may not be that pretty, actually quite ugly, but He perfects even the flowers, in their time, to slowly bloom into a beautiful creation in His perfect timing...His creation. It is His doing. Similarly in our own lives, we too were ugly, but it is He who makes us a new creation and blooms us into His precious, beautiful, and perfect child. Starting from seed that grows with strong roots into a bud that finally blooms into a beautiful creation. Even as the flower ages and wilts, it is still beautiful with its wrinkled petals. How beautiful is His creation, and to know that I am one of them brings a smile to my face... i'll back post some photos after i have a better connection!

hiding in the flowers

As I write this, mom and I are on the bus headed back to Zhengzhou. We’ll stay there overnight and then my dad’s driver will pick us up tomorrow to head to Heze where my parents live. First priority – find the gym and work my heart out. I had to run (a few yards) to get something yesterday and it felt so good to jog, even if ever so slightly and slowly. I purposefully didn’t bring my running shoes because I knew if I did, I’d be tempted to go running or do something I shouldn’t on my bum ankle. In Beijing, I actually was tempted and bought a pair of fake nikes, thinking that I could maybe run in them and play soccer with the locals in them (there was a soccer field next to the place we were staying so I was ever so tempted), but after I got back to the apartment, I found that the sneakers won’t fit over my ankle brace. Bummer – He knows me too well… obviously… so we’ll see… it’s been resting for awhile now so I may give it a shot and go for a slow jog… I’m sure it won’t last long… not because of the ankle but because my lungs will probably hurt so bad from the pollution and just plain being out of shape! Dying to run around… or go for a nice spin…

East-r in Luoyang

2011-04-24T20:30:00.015+05:30

I’m bummed that I didn’t make it to The House today to celebrate j’s res. Unfortunately, my mom and I were being picked-up early this morning to visit the Longmen Grottos and Songshan and Shaolin Temple. So, we celebrated our East-r morning visiting Buddhist statues and figures and relics buried in caves, still standing since the 5th century, riding a gondola and hiking around Songshan mountain, and watching some Shaolin kung-fu.

Songshan Mtn.

Shaolin kung-fu practice

I don’t really appreciate these temples or statues, but I have to admit that the pure size and the artistic and architectural construction that has lasted so many years is quite impressive. But I find that in the end, nothing compares with the natural beauty of G's creation – the water and mountains and the sky that we saw from the gondola and short hike we took on Songshan mountain.

Shaolin kid in training

Shaolin kids in training

My mom and the taxi driver were talking about the socio-economic situation in ch, I filtered questions through my mom and stayed quiet to not give away that we were Americans. I may need to re-evaluate my opinions on ch’s gov that I wrote about in an earlier post, but I’ll save that for another time, perhaps after I’m back in the states. I’m going to try to do some more “user research”... find some random people to casually interview. The problem is my vocabulary is so limited when it comes to poltk and stuff… but I am curious… so, we’ll see.

As I was looking up things in Luoyang, I found an orphanage that was started by Steven Curtis Chapman and family a few years back. The orphanage, called Maria’s Big Hope, is for “special needs” children. I wanted to visit and see the work they are doing in China, but there’s not enough time, and I don’t think it’s quite my mom’s cup of tea. But this little orphanage caught my attention and I wanted to learn more about it and the Chapman family story as to what brought them to focus on orphans and Luoyang, China specifically.

The orphanage is named in memory of Chapman’s youngest daughter Maria, who suddenly passed away in 2008 in a tragic accident, just days after her 5th birthday. Steven and his wife adopted this little girl from China, who was considered a “special needs” child because she had a heart condition, which apparently turned out not to be a big deal after doctor’s checked her out in the states. A healthy, normal little girl who bright a smile and pure joy into their household.

I was touched by her story, by the heart and faith of the Chapman family, both before the accident and after and how they have continued her legacy by bringing hope to more children like Maria in China. On one site, they talked about how and why they decided to adopt. Steven likened it to our own adoption by our Father. We too were lost, wandereing, yet our Father came into our lives… here’s a short blurb from Chapman that really touched me. "Adoption is a physical picture of what J has done for me. I did nothing to deserve G's love; in fact, I was living as an orphan, without hope. Yet G chose to pursue a relationship with me, and through the death of his son J, I was adopted into G's family."

On this East-r Sunday, I am reminded of my own adoption into His family…how it was free for me, but it was tragic for Him – His own son had to pay for it all in a very painful way so that someone like me could be adopted into His family. It was He who initiated that relationship, to love us and care for us and welcome us with open arms. It was nothing we deserved and there’s no way we could ever pay Him back… but He doesn’t care. He loves us and gives it all to us, with open arms. He has risen. Thank you.

exploring luoyang

2011-04-23T13:11:00.007+05:30

We finally arrived in Zhengzhou late last night and stayed up late at the hotel to unpack and repack a smaller suitcase for us to travel out of for the next couple days as mom and I explore the Luoyang area. We’re coming back to Zhengzhou where we’ll be picked up by my parents’ driver person to take us back to where they live in Heze, China.

Mom and I jumped on a 2.5 hour bus ride to Luoyang. I was impressed by the highway we took – so clean, new, and orderly! We were both impressed by how green and scenic the ride was, with trees lining the roadways, and green fields in the background. I hate comparing things to America but for good or for bad, that’s the standard my mind automatically jumps to. Quite nice… much nicer than most turnpikes/highways in the tristate area I’m from.

original city wall/entrance

We checked into our hotel and wandered around the area. We were both quite tired as we didn’t sleep much last night, so it’s been a low key day, wandering and figuring out the game plan for the next couple days. Tonight we went to the old city area where they have markets and stores. We tried a couple of food stalls and then ended up at KFC. My mom was not so up for trying all the street food – both my parents are pretty not adventurous on that end as they are into clean and safe (dad studied immunology…). I guess that’s not such a bad thing – the daily runs started shortly after setting foot in China and finally stopped after I got to Taiwan. Sorry TMI… My parents will eat the street food in Taiwan, but not on the mainland. I guess I can understand why but that won’t stop me.

old luoyang city night market

night market food with mom

My grandmom has called in a panic the past couple of days asking my mom about her finances... where she's hid things, etc. Gosh she really needs to learn to trust people with her things. I wish she would put her full faith in Him. He needs to be that center of her life. Only He can change her… all I can do is pray…

full day tomorrow as we head to Shaolin Temple and Longmen Grottos.

Egg overdose

2011-04-22T21:08:00.001+05:30

wandering cool sts of tian zi fang

My mom and I have been wandering Shanghai, meeting up with my friend Lisa (who I’ve met up with nearly everywhere along this trip (except Taiwan) one day for lunch at this really cool Yunnan Restaurant (lost heaven) and then today meeting up with our friends from my home church who I’ve actually met a couple times around on this trip. Connecting with old friends, catching up, eating. We also visited Taikang St. - tian zi fang. A cute, architecturally old school, but inside filled with small art galleries, contemporary shops, and cafes and restaurants. We had coffee and an amazing carrot cake at a local coffee shop – delicious. I later took my mom to the delicious shen jian boa place that lisa introduced me too – yum. She agreed it was pretty good.

delish food at yunnan restaurant

attempt at a self pic of us eating
the delish fried buns

pm coffee/carrot cake break
in tian zi fang cafe

After wandering today, my mom and I headed back to the apartment to grab our bags and say farewell before we headed to the airport to catch our flight for Zhengzhou (my mom and I are going to explore Luoyang area before heading to heze to meet my dad). My aunt’s sister and grandparents – the family friends we are staying next door to - insisted that we eat some of their home-cooked food, some of the ingredients grown in their own little garden. Honestly we would have preferred to grab food on our own at the airport cuz there’s plenty of good stuff there, but they insisted. In a rush and all, but we sat down and ate.. and the grandma kept forcing me to eat more. So many egg related items. I don’t even like eggs, but she kept spooning them over and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to refuse because it seemed like it would be disrespectful. So, I opened up my mouth and tossed all the food down, shoving it down with a huge smile on my face. I feel like I just overdosed on eggs. I don’t even like eggs! Ugh.

To add to that, the aunt gave us a bag full of hard boiled tea eggs. I know my mom is going force me to eat some despite my dislike for eggs. Oh man… not cool

I asked my mom why Chinese people and asians in general love eggs so much… and she said I’m the strange one so I should ask myself what’s wrong with me and why don’t I like eggs. Good point, I just don’t – I never have. I like some kinds of scrambled eggs and grew to like omelettes and don’t mind eggs on breakfast sandwiches, but other types – hard boiled, poached, fried, etc., I don’t like the smell, the texture, the taste. Unfortunately I think I ate all of the above methods of cooking eggs in that last meal. I am all egged out.

Oh, in the airport, I happened to look over at a tv and there was cartoon commercial talking about swing flue and how to protect yourself from it. And I saw quickly a line that said “swine flu comes from America”. I’m not sure why that comment was necessary. So if you see Chinese people running away from you for some random reason, probably because of this commercial.

Good Friday

2011-04-22T20:05:00.002+05:30

I was hoping to find a Good Friday service for mom and I to attend, but unfortunately our flight is this evening when the services would be. It’s easy to forget Him and what happened over 2000 years ago, especially when you’re in a spiritually dry environment. Year after year, the reminder He brings me is the weather – it seems to always be rainy and/or dreary on Good Friday, wherever I happen to be, and it serves as a reminder of what happened on that day.

Thank you for what you for the reminder. Thank you for what you did for me. Thank you for giving me life.

Back to the mainland

2011-04-21T20:40:00.000+05:30

Oh man… I didn’t notice it going from China to Taiwan, but as I waited for my flight back to China, the social-economic divide between the two really stood out. Right when I stepped into the waiting lounge at my gate for my flight back to the mainland, the loud conversations, the smells, the mannerisms, the pushiness… just very obvious… and quite annoying.

It wasn’t such a shock when I first came from America to China because I think I had expected it. I was giving Jenny the heads up on what to expect, so I think I more than prepared myself for it. Secondly, the diversity of the people in America versus the more homogenous Asian faces in China is a very obvious visual cue that reminds you to transition your mindset and set different expectations. Going from Taiwan to China – the people still look similar so that visual cue was not there, so it was a bit more of a shock that took some time to transition into.

On the plane, a lady asked if her husband could switch seats with me since she had one arm and could use some extra help. I had no problem switching, but little did I know I’d have this large dude who could probably use a shower and a few strong breath mints… all in my space and all… but I guess I might as well get used to it since I’m headed back to the mainland. Oh, then you got the ear and nose pickers. Thankfully no snot rockets or hacking up spit balls yet, but I’m sure once I arrive, that will come too. I love China for many reasons, but I still have a hard time getting past the hacking up spitball noise, the bathroom smells, and the pushy, no rules following culture.

Rules – simple things like keeping your seatbelt fastening on an airplane – you start hearing the unclicking right when the wheels touch ground.. some attempt to get up during the taxi to the gate. I like rules (not saying I obey them all the time but I try…most of the time).
Lines – there is no understanding of that at all. For example, let’s say there are 4 stalls in the ladies room. There will be 4 separate lines waiting at each stall. So it’s hit or miss how long you’ll be waiting depending on which line you pick – if someone’s having a grand ‘ole time on the potty, then you’re stuck there for a long while in your line.

After getting off the plane, I walked into the ladies room. The 5 stalls were full. There was one girl standing, waiting patiently. I stood behind her to form a line that led to any of the 4 stalls, like how we would line up in the ladies room in America. 1 girl walks in to the front of the line, sees that the stalls are full, looks over at us, and in shock says in Chinese: “oh, there’s a line”. “Yes, I respond”. She kind of giggles. I smirk. Another girl walks in, does same thing, and I tell her… “there’s a line”. She’s surprised and says “oh. Need to line up”. I was happy to have encouraged a line system. My turn to jump in a stall. I do my thing and come out of the stall, and I see… 5 separate lines, one behind each stall. All that work to have gone down the drain all in a matter of a minute. Okay, I guess I didn’t really work that hard for it, but I was hopeful… proud even if only for a brief moment of change in social behaviors, one lady at a time…

In general, education levels tend to be higher than other parts of the country, but just the pure numbers of people are enough to push you over the edge if you don’t prepare yourself beforehand. Especially if you’re one to take public transportation… and you need to jump on that metro to avoid rush hour car traffic but then you hit mad rush hour people traffic… although I find it to be less crazy then Beijing subway people traffic…

Several times the past couple days, I’ve found the evil side of me coming out, wanting to play the “my way is the right way” card. I want to supplant the rules and culture that I’m used to, that I grew up with, and make the local people follow and obey them. Or, I want to just push people back when they push me out of the way, or step on their heels purposefully when they cut me off. I am evil.. I need to repent for this vengeful, self-righteous heart of mine.. forgive me. Honestly, I am surprised by my own behavior. Usually I am very quick to adjust, and I consider myself, rightly or wrongly, to be pretty culturally sensitive, easily adaptable, not placing my opinions and what I believe to be right vs. wrong in foreign situations. But I think coming from Taiwan to China this time really threw me off. I’ll have to remember to set more realistic expectations.

I love China, for all its cool things and the frustrations. Need to set my heart right. Let's go!

Granddaughters and Grandpas 爷爷

2011-04-20T21:29:00.002+05:30

4 years ago today, my 爷爷 – my grandpa on my dad’s side – passed away at the young age of 96. If you want to virtually meet him, I posted his bio and the tribute I gave at his memorial service: Tribute to Yeye (gramps). I do miss him, but I know and trust that he is in a much better place in our Father’s house. I think about him and my gramps on my mom’s side who is still in the hospital. I miss hanging out with grandpas. Maybe just in my family but I feel there is something special between a grandfather and granddaughter. I don’t know if that’s because I sometimes act like a 5 year old with my grandpa, or sometimes I treat my grandpa like a 5 year old, but whatever the case, I used to have a lot of fun with my gramps, even as Alzheimers got the most of him.

There’s the theory that you should not speak in baby talk to children. You should talk to them as adults and not dumb down their brain development. Some say that as you age and move into your elder years, your mental state becomes like that of a child. So, I wonder if that theory then reverses itself once you grow old. As people reach those late years and especially as they start losing their mental capacities, I wonder if it’s helpful to talk to them as children – not to disrespect their intelligence but simply to do what you have to do to get them to laugh and smile through the gunk that comes with aging.

Hanging with my gramps'
childhood friend and his wife

My mom and I are in Shanghai for a couple of days before we head off to explore Luoyang and meet my pops in Heze. We’re staying at my aunt – not an actual aunt but basically it’s my grandpa (mom’s side)’s childhood friend and classmate from the little village in Anhui province… his daughter’s apartment. With all this stuff about grandpas on my mind, this apartment we’re staying in happens to next door to this aunt’s mom and dads apartment. I also call the grandpa 爷爷, like I did my late grandpa, and the grandma 奶奶. Such a cute little old couple. 爷爷 is 97 years old and super cute. When he laughs and opens his mouth to say something, it just brings a smile to my face. People say you have “fu qi” fortune to live this long and praise it, but the reality is that in many cases, the health changes that accompany living so long brings down the “standard of living”, not economically but socially, mentally, emotionally, physically… as you reach those “fortune” years. The grandma seems sad for him – she is still so mentally and physically strong. Grandpa seems content despite the physical and mental deterioration, but it’s hard especially on grandma watching him change. Anyways, thankful for this brief opportunity to hang with 爷爷.

a blessing in disguise?

2011-04-20T20:43:00.002+05:30

I came back to my grandparent’s apartment this morning after I a conference call over skype at some random hole in the wall food place (that happened to be broadcasting the Yankees game live) near my grandrents house. As I walked in, my brother was heading out the door to jump on the airport bus to fly back to hong kong. My mom and I quickly finished stuffing our bags and then jumped out to catch the next bus. My grandma was crying… didn’t want us to leave… worried how she would handle staying by herself… not an easy thing to see… don’t really know how to handle it. Selfishly it helps that we were in such a hurry to grab our bags and catch the bus. Praying she’ll be okay. Praying she'll find strength from above for everything that's going on in her life... in grandpa's life...

On the bus, my mom and I were talking about how growing forgetful through the aging process (becoming 胡涂), perhaps described as the early stages of Alzheimers, can be blessing in disguise. It may be harder on the family; however for the individual, it may not be a horrible thing. For my grandmom, we were thinking that she’ll probably shortly forget her sadness and us leaving, and will start thinking and worrying about something else. Growing forgetful in this instance, will allow her to move on and continue on with her normal life, as opposed to mourning us leaving and depressing herself down to a dark narrow place that would be diffulct to pull herslf out of. So perhaps, a blessing here. It does frustrate us when we're with her when she forgets things that we told her, or forgets where she hides things and stuff... but in this situation we are thankful.

As you age, more will happen, whether it’s to you or to those around you. It’s sad to realize you yourself are getting older, that those around you may be passing away, that your body and memory are failing. But perhaps growing forgetful is a blessing in disguise after all. I just hope some of the devo’s she’s been reading will sink deep into her heart and not be forgotten and transform her into a faithful child of His.

Squatty toilets and a greyhound head

2011-04-19T20:32:00.000+05:30

My girl cousin, the only other girl in 2 generations in dad’s side of the family, gave me an answer to the issue I have been perplexed by for years, since I first stepped foot into an Asian country in 2000. The key is to squatt facing the toilet drain hole. It should be in front. Thank you ya ya! She agreed it is confusing but she’s got much practice with them and is pretty confident that is the proper posture.

Oh… and my mom today was looking at me and said… “you really do look like goldie”. Goldie is my late doggy sister. She’s a greyhound. What my mom was inferring was that i, like Goldie, have a small head and a large body relative to my head size. “thanks mom”. Later in the day, my grandmom started talking about Goldie for some odd reason. I wondered why she randomly thought of Goldie, but then was reminded of my mom’s comment. Perhaps it was me, because of my physical similarity to a greyhound, that reminded her of Goldie.

Preach it!

2011-04-19T19:37:00.001+05:30

A few times in Taiwan, I overheard my grandma and/or my mom just openly asking people, whether it was the taxi driver or my gramp’s hospital roommate, whether they were believers or not. I’m put to shame by how bold they are, as I sit in the corner silently reading the good book on my own. Even though I would say they don’t have a solid grasp of the gospel, it doesn’t stop them.
The hospital roomate’s family said that they are Buddhist. My grandma replied “oh, that’s great. Good for you guys. Good that you have that.” I was inspired by the boldness of even asking the question… not so much by the second response.

I need to be more desensitized to what others think – how others will react. I think too much about what their response will be, and not enough about what really matters, that is, spreading the good news, spreading and planting seeds. I reconnected with a college friend earlier this year who is doing campus ministry – we served together in college. He introduced me to his staff buddies as being one of the most courageous and boldest – not afraid to share and bring Him into conversations and into people’s lives. Was he talking about the same person.. I wondered… not remembering this courage because I seem to lack it today. I sit and wait for “the opportune” time, waiting and waiting, praying for it. Sometimes the door opens and I boldly say a few words. Other times the door opens and I sit there twiddling my thumbs wanting to say something but don’t. And then other times I wait and wait and wait for that ideal time, soon after forgetting it all in all. I seem to have lost that vigor… that true heart for the lost. If I really cared, I wouldn’t hold back. Perhaps I’ve been jaded by the harsh responses I’ve heard in the past few years. I’m inspired by the boldness of my mom and grandmom. If I truly loved my friends and family, then I would care more and my heart would ache more for them.

Grow my heart for you. Grow my heart for your people, for the friends, families, and even strangers you’ve placed around me, that you divinely place into my walk each day. Give me the boldness to love with my words and with my actions.

the most amazing pineapple cakes

2011-04-18T20:54:00.001+05:30

So a really awesome Taiwanese snack is 风立素 – pineapple cake. The ones you get in the states at the Asian grocery store… eh, they’re OK… after all, that’s the only option available. But when friends and family go back to Taiwan, a must buy and must bring back is this pineapple cake. My mom usually gets these pretty delicious ones from taipei… BUT, we found an even more amazing place per a recommendation from a friend. Wow, they are as good as people say they are to be. At the Jia De Bakery… made fresh… perfect amount of flakyness, with a light crisp on the buttery outside, pineapple filling oh so fresh and soft… mmm… delish. I just wish we had more room in our luggage to bring these things back! Boo!

In general, the bakeries here are to die for. The sweet smell of butter… what else could you ask for. The problem is that you have these bakeries, that you cannot walk into or walk by without wanting to buy and eat something… but the other non-bakery food is also delish… so you’re stomach is constantly packed with food… and your scent and sight senses are overly stimulated all the time. Trouble. We've been spending most of our time in the hospital, but even the hospital has so much in food options that are actually quite decent! Not as good as street level but not too bad.

First thing I did when I arrived in Taipei was to find a gym. I found a pretty big chain in Taipei. Looked into their classes and all… even visited one… but have failed to actually make my way IN to the gym and engage my body in exercise. Oh man I need it so badly.. one for all the stuff I’ve been stuffing my face with and two… I need to sweat out all the crap in my mind. Oh well.. perhaps in China I’ll find a gym.

don't cry please

2011-04-18T09:24:00.003+05:30

Oh man, this morning I was sitting eating brunch with my grandmom in her apartment before heading to the hospital, and she came to the realization that we (my mom, my bro, and I) were all leaving on Wednesday. We’ve told her and she’s known, but with her memory, she keeps forgetting. Agh…

teaching grandmom how to
type in chinese

So my mom is on the computer in the bedroom, my brother is in the bathroom showering, the helper lady is in the kitchen, and I’m in the living room with her at the table, and she’s mumbling like she often does, trying to convince herself that she’ll be fine staying by herself now that grandpa is in the hospital… and all of a sudden, she bursts out crying! Oh man… I totally did not expect that… I was totally caught off guard and didn’t know what to do… except go and grab tissues.

The tears stopped soon after but I thought she’d be okay with us leaving but I’m realizing just how hard this will be. We all know she can stay on her own, as she's done it before... in fact just 2 months earlier she was staying by herself... after gramps entered hospital and before my mom arrived in Taipei... but she's just a nervous person... scared of everything... it seems like the more she stresses, the more forgetful she gets, and the more flustered she is, which gets us all fired up. Sometimes..oftentimes... she says stuff that is hard to accept and allow her to continue thinking a certain way... it's hard to be patient and not raise your voice sometimes. sometimes you have to be harsh in order to get her to hear you and not bring herself down to a more negative place... but i hate that. i hate yelling... i hate being in the middle of loud "discussion"... I’m worried about her, but at the same time want to help her grow out of this dependency on people thing (since she can't trust people anyways) and draw her strength from Him above and fully trust Him.

The family is still making decision… thought they came to agreement but the ortho surgeon came in today gave his 10 cents which brings us back to square 1... wait and not amputate yet... plus gramps is against it completely... and we will respect his wishes of course, but he also not of clear mind either so we'll see...

wang youngest sibling strength: general kindness to humanity

2011-04-17T21:28:00.057+05:30

missing a few wangs over post din drinks

had a good weekend catching up, hanging out, and eating with family... aunts, uncles, cousins... 3 of my cousins live in taipei, another who grew up in jerz and works in kaoshiung, and our youngest cousins live an hour away in hsinchu. we're all pretty close so those that were in taiwan came into taipei... we had a good time hanging and eating... but exhausting when we're with our little crazy but cute ones... oh man it's tiring running around with the little 6 and 8 year old. kind of funny too that we're all the same generation yet with such a large age gap.

it's so interesting to see the commonalities among the uncles, and now across the cousins too. we had a good chat about this over afternoon tea at this traditional old school teahouse. we were thinking of competitions we could have between #1 vs. #2/#3 kid in each family, but the sad conclusion is that #1 would more or less beat us (#2/#3) in just about everything, except... "general kindness to humanity"... care for the world... caring for others.

My brother and the oldest in each of the 4 fams... they are very smart... exceptionally book smart so they do well academically. They are also athletic and pretty musically inclined too. They take their performance very seriously... it's personal so they get distraught when they don't get first or top place. I don't know if that's still the case but at least as kids (i found out last night over dinner my parents actually told my brother in high school to go have more fun... go out... go drink... cuz his grades are good enough... i totally got the opposite instructions!).

roaming taipei sts w the wang boys.
playing some cooler version of
rock paper scissors that i
have yet to figure out.

The youngest in each family... we're a bit more chill.. more flexible... we needed more help... as my guidance counselor told me as she went to write my college rec letter: you and your brother are very different. school was easy for him... he didn't have to study... you... you're more well rounded. in chinese, my cousin (also the youngest) and i always say that we are "dai dai de"... translated as spacey... in our own world.. his bro and my bro always make fun of us telling us as babies we would be spacey and drool... we're pickier eaters too... our older siblings will more or less eat anything and everything.

in general though, we all did pretty well in school, but we (#2/#3) had to work so much harder. #1 set such high standards it made it so much harder for us! we are pretty athletic but our older siblings are too and could probably beat us in whatever sport. so the conclusion is that the only competition we would win... is a competition on general kindness to mankind... if there could be such a competition. well, it's too hard to say for the youngest cousins so we'll have to continue testing our theory as they get older.

the other interesting thing... the wang girls. there's only 2 of us (out of 9) and we're both the youngest in each family, so you can bet we're a bit more spoiled than the boys, both from our dads and uncles, but also from the grandparents (grandparents had 4 boys). even though she's 10 years younger or so, grew up in taiwan in a completely different environment and different childhood, somehow our personalities are still very similar.

our random wanderings took us
by a petstore with these posters.

strangers... but family...

2011-04-15T20:08:00.000+05:30

friend: "wait, so who are you meeting?"
me: "a friend of a friend"
friend: "so you don't know her"
me: "nope"
friend: "strange. so what will you do? how will you find her"
me: "we'll just hang out. she'll be wearing pink converses and holding a pink camera bag"
friend: "okay. interesting."

I guess I didn't think twice about meeting up with a complete stranger that I knew nothing about, except that she is a sister. What else do I need to know? I've basically been doing that past few weeks - getting connected to people and organizations... walking through doors He's opened... going with the flow. So when my friend Carmen, who served in Taiwan last year(?), asked if I could meet up with her friend, a new sister, the only answer was "OF COURSE - I would LOVE to". And I'm so thankful we did get to meet... a new friend... a sister... family... right away... because we share a Father who loves us and saved us and created sisterhood (and brotherhood). Anyhow, we had a good time wandering the streets of Danshui, a northern coastal part of Taipei right along the ocean. We ate, walked (visited a beautiful Church in the area), talked, took lots of photos, shared, and prayed. A sweet time of sharing and fellowship. Some photos of our time together.

public bathroom stalls

Oh... so an update on the squatty toilets post. After some information gathering from my new friend... because naturally a normal question you'd ask someone you've never met before... she said you face the direction that the flusher step/button is at. Now, this sometimes contradicts what my other friend said about positioning over the hole in the toilet. I will continue on my quest to find the right answer. BTW, I must say, the public toilets in Taipei are quite impressive... large... relatively clean... and not bad at all.

Afterwards I wandered my way back to the hospital to see my gramps and family. Had some challenges finding the bus to take me to the hospital, but after asking several people, wandering aimlessly, I made my way onto the right bus - thank God! :) Gramps was in a better mood today... at least during the brief time I was there. He was pretty funny... the prayers are covering him... me... the family... thank you.

Oh, last night, I met up with old friends from my home church in pton who just moved their family here in the past year to serve. Had a great time catching up and hearing and seeing what they're up to in Taiwan... wish I had more time to spend with them...

Tomorrow I visit a dentist here in Taipei to take care of some annoying tooth thing I've had for the past couple months. I've never been to any dentist other than ones in America so I'm not sure what to expect, but I hope things aren't too different than from the states! My brother also flew in today from HK... last minute fly by to say hi to the family - literally booked flight like 12 hours ago... looking forward to some good family time this weekend with my dad's side of fam... cool aunt and uncles... little crazy baby cousins and the old ones (my age)...

make me a bird so i can fly far far away.

2011-04-14T13:29:00.000+05:30

Ps. 52:8 But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God. I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever.

God this is so hard. I'm sick of Mr. Brown's bad tasting expensive coffee, so I'm sitting against the other side of Mr. Brown's wall at the McDonalds, stealing their wifi. I couldn't sit in my gramps room any longer. The tears were beginning to flow... it's just not a good situation. The dr. came by to share some news, and while it's nothing new, it's a decision that the family needs to make, that they have differing opinions on. So many factors to consider at this old age... prolong his life but take away his legs or watch him slowly suffer and grow into a constantly angry old man as the rest of us tries to eat and do things to prolong his life... and watch my grandma worry her mind and heart off.

I started losing it when my gramps started tearing up, shouting in Chinese... something to the likes of "sacrifice for the country - what's wrong with that... sacrifice for the country..." His mental state is also not great right now - most of the time his mind is clear as the sky (in America... too polluted in Asia for that to be good), but sometimes he gets in these rants. My gramps was pretty senior in the military so I guess those past memories are filling his mind. Then he's yelling at us for trying to force him to eat... nearly spit his pills at me but luckily I still have decent reflexes to jump out of the way. God this is so hard. I had to leave the room as he continued to share about some past stuff, his eyes filled with tears. I just can't handle it. It makes me sad...and helpless. Just eat gosh darn it. Just take your medicine. Just try... we're not a family that gives up. You not eating is making it really hard on the rest of us. Grandma is so worried, and I hate being in the middle of mom and grandma's bickerings... I imagine myself in that field where Ginny and Forrest run to where they pray "make me a bird so I can fly far far away..." or something like that. But I also want to be here...

...so, I run down to the hospital basement to let it out... at a McDs... in my blog... I feel better already. I gotta head back up. Signing off.

flower power

2011-04-14T08:45:00.000+05:30

Today my mom and I had a date at the Taipei International Flora Expo. As a kid, I was surrounded by flowers because one of my best friend's family owned a florist, so I spent quite a bit of time wandering through greenhouses, rollerblading, running, playing, and all that fun stuff kids do... only in greenhouses. But I guess I never quite acquired that green thumb or ever fell in love with flowers... perhaps being surrounded by it made it lose its impression on me. I mean, I still think they are beautiful, most of the time, but I don't get that all warm and fuzzy and romantic when they're in front of me. Nonetheless, this expo has attracted quite the attention both in Taiwan and across the world, so figured it's worth the visit.

First observation... the numbers! So many people in line to get tickets and to get into the different pavilions. It felt like Disney World at times, only the 30-120 minute lines led to exhibits and displays, not exhilarating rides. Apparently one of the exhibits, the Pavilion of Dreams or something or other... you have to wait in line at 5-6AM to get a free ticket to even get into the pavilion later in the day. I must say though, I was impressed by how organized the staff and volunteers operated. Numbers entering each pavilion and expo were controlled well, and despite the long wait times, they managed it really well. I was also impressed by the huge public bathrooms! I have never seen such large public bathrooms... we need more of those in the states at big events like this! Oh, one other observation, that I had catch myself on... Taiwanese people and visitors are so much more well mannered and "civilized" than the mainland. In China, you have to push and shove your way through crowds to get anywhere. It frustrates you at first, but then you just kind of assimilate... because you have to. I found myself wanting to shove myself through, forgetting that I was not in China, but quickly realized I was being that annoying person fighting my way through the crowds...while others were being quite orderly. Oops! I quickly put my more civilized mannerisms back on.

In addition to the many flowers and plants we saw, we also visited "EcoARK - the Pavilion of New Fashion". I was most eager to see this exhibit over the others, despite there not being any flowers inside, because it is the world's greenest building ever... made out of 1.52 million recycled PET bottles. Here are some pics from the flora expo.

bldg made of these PET bottles

trash tree and bear...
recycled plant made bottles

USA Pavilion

USA pavilion

Representing USA - Potatoes

PA Spotting

Chinese family donning
representative USA hats

Taiwan's representation of Canada... salmon.

enjoying the many street stall'ish
foods at the expo with mom

nice translation...
"a drink fries the stuffed dumpling"

All caught up!

2011-04-12T22:10:00.000+05:30

Finally I'm all caught up - got so behind with China's great firewall... and posted some pics from previous posts too. Now to catch up to today. My thoughts focus around a few things so... here they are.

Gramps: Moody. Still refuses to eat or drink… although my mom threw a ferrer rocher chocolate ball in front of him today and he stuck the entire thing, gold wrapper and all, in his mouth. First thing he hasn’t outright refused. Took him on a stroll in the underground of the hospital, attempting to surround him with the smells and sights of food in the large food court. Instead, we all ate stuff while he just sat there. And we weren’t even hungry… just hoping to get him to eat.

Gramms: Worrywort. Insecure. Can’t trust people who are trying to help. It’s so hard to be patient. I don’t know what to do when tempers flare. I hate being in the middle of it. I don’t know how to encourage others to grow in grace for her when I have such a hard time myself trying to extend that grace. I wish there was something more I could do to help… help her grow and help those around her.

Books: Last night my mom and I came back from dinner with my aunt/uncle/cousins from my dad’s side (my cousin and his buddies opened an American style restaurant… twas delicious), walked in the door and my grandma was quietly reading Streams in the Desert devo book I had picked up in China. Very surprised and encouraged to see that. I rarely even see her read, and usually the TV is the option. My grandma’s memory is also not too good now. I guess that can be a good and bad thing depending on the situation… but hopefully His voice and His words will remain, deeply layering itself in her heart and mind.

Facemasks: a bunch of folks in the hospital wear face masks – surgical masks and the like. I don’t know whether I should feel good about not wearing one, or feel good that others are? Mixed bag… some clearly are the patients wearing them. Others are the patient’s family members. Some are employees. On a continent where the facemask is quite the norm to block the pollution, I guess it’s normal to just wear one around… or is there a plague that I don't know about, or is the hospital filled with airborne germs. Who knows.. oh well..

Tegaderm: I was wheeling my grandmom through a basement convenience store to spice up the scenery for my gramps, and walked across an aisle with tegaderm! Cheaper than the US. Anyways, I got excited becaue I love that stuff. It’s the reason why I don’t have more gashes than I already have all over my body. As a gk, I’m constantly throwing myself on the ground, getting scraped up all over. This stuff is awesome!

Mosquitos: the weather is getting warmer and I've spotted a few of them already. Not cool.

Tomorrow my mom are taking a hospital break day and heading to the Taipei International Flora Expo. I can’t say I’m all that into flowers, but it’s supposed to be good… and it will be a nice change from our regular hospital routine. Although I feel kind of bad not seeing my gramps...

Community. We need it.

2011-04-11T09:01:00.013+05:30

With a bit of a fight, we made our way to Bread of Life Church. The service was good, but long… too long for my grandmom to handle so ended up sneaking out early to start our journey to the hospital.
My gramps was in a pissy mood when we got there. He wanted to continue sleeping so went down to the basement food court/mall area. I am pretty tired of Asian food so I requested some McD’s, which my mom and grandmom seemed happy to have as well. As I wander to and fro my gramps room and the basement area, my heart aches for all the young people and children wandering the halls with their parents. Who knows what their story is, but I can’t help but feel sad and compassion towards these kids and young people and their families.

When we went back up, my gramps was still not happy. He refuses to eat and drink anything. He’s ALL skin and bones – I mean, his legs… wow… it doesn’t look like there is any fat or muscle under that skin – just bone. My grandma, my mom, the helper lady, nor me… we just can’t get him to eat as he refuses angrily. At one point he fought back saying there’s poison in the drinks… then he retorted back to us asking if we wanted him to die. Oh man.. not so pleasant conversations, if you can even call it a conversation. There was nothing we could do, and he was pissy and not enough room to sit, so I decided to head down to the food court – to Mr. Brown coffee shop. I walked away into the elevator and through the basement wiping away the tears in my eyes, not sure whether I was sad for him, feeling helpless, or all of the above.

skype time with pops

My mom came down shortly afterwards and we had family skype time with my brother and dad. We had dinner at my aunt’s place tonight. She moved back to Taiwan from the states in the last year. We trekked back to my grandmom’s place afterwards.

I think this will be the gist of my trip to Taiwan. I love Taiwan… the food… the streets.. the city… I love exploring the city, and even just wandering to different coffee shops to hang out or even work. But, I have a feeling I’ll just be going to and fro from grandmom’s place to the hospital, wandering b/w the hospital room and the basement shops and Mr. Brown coffee at the hospital. Unfortunately the hospital is kind of out there… but thankful that I can be here to spend with family.

Praying that I can have a heart to heart with gramps tomorrow… praying that He would give me the words to say. How do you share with a man who's lost the will to live... at least that's what it seemed like yesterday. I wish He had Community around him... I wish I had Community here... Need to spend more time with Him... and with him.

No more great [fire]wall! Taipei... but wishing I was here under better circumstances.

2011-04-10T09:26:00.005+05:30

Now that I’m in Taipei, I actually can get on facebook, blogger, and all... so I’m playing catch up and will back-post previous few days later... but to quickly bring up to speed...

I left Shanghai this morning and got to Taipei this afternoon. My cousin who just got in from NY yesterday, and his parents picked me up to head to the hospital to visit my gramps and see my mom and uncles and aunts.

I used to be very interested in medicine and thought for sure that would be the path I would be on today, but He had other plans. So because of that interest, I’ve spent plenty of time in hospitals – volunteering as a candy striper as young an age as they allowed, shadowing surgeons, helping patients, visiting friends/family... but whenever I enter and hospital and wander the halls, something about the smell of the general environment makes me feel uneasy. It brings back memories of my other grandfather who we all watched leave this world as we stood by his bedside.

My grandpa is not looking good. I was actually a bit shocked at his overall state, but nonetheless kept a smile on my face in hopes it would bring him some joy. I’m also not very good about sharing sad or negative feelings and emotions with my family in general. I’ve never been good at it – whether I’m feeling ill or just sad about whatever. I hit extremes – with family especially, I’m either happy and joyful, sometimes covering up the sadness or sickness, or tears streaming uncontrollably or suddenly vomiting or fainting because I can’t physically hold back the tears or cover up the sickness any longer. I’m strange...I know. Oh man, I’m thankful that all my aunts and uncles (my gramps 4 kids) are local enough to be around him, but I don’t know... it’s hard... I’m lost in my own thoughts and emotions right now.

We took him for a stroll into the basement of this hospital which has an underground area with huge food court, coffee shops, a McDs, 7-11, and other shops. It’s his 92nd birthday today so we had cake, and nearly started a fire with the candles at the coffee shop we were hanging at. My gramps just doesn’t want to eat – he had a couple bites, and that was it. And my grandma is a nagger, out of concern, but in general it’s in her personality to worry and complain and nag, so he’d get angry with us for trying to force him to eat. But even just his expression of anger and pain is just such a foreign thing for me to see. He’s so weak right now. I watched as the nurses unwrapped his feet to get some heat lamp treatment and wow – there are no words to describe his feet other than... charred perhaps? mummy’ish? Oh man, totally unreal. Scary stuff. And to think that deterioration all happened in the matter of a couple of months following a bad fall (and now long-term effects of diabetes kicking in). He needs much prayer. My grandma needs much prayer. My family needs it.

We did have opportunities to talk to my uncle and aunt about Him and had a brief debate that didn’t go too far, but I’m thankful that doors are opening to even talk about Him... my mom and I need much prayer too... just to be patient with my grandma and to love her. She is someone who seems incapable of trusting people, always suspicious that someone is trying to do something against her or someone, and we’ve got people looking after my gramps 24/7... and we need them to continue with that... but my grandma has this ability to drive people away because of her insecurity... and it’s hard for my mom... for anyone to talk any sense into her. I’ve only been here for less than 24 hours, and my patience is already started to wear...

But... what’s really cool is that I had bought Mere Christianity in Chinese for my grandfather. When I walked into the hospital room, I was sad to see that he was not in a state to read... tonight I gave my grandmom a couple devo books I had gotten along with some snacks I brought from China for her. I happened to put Mere Christianity on the table. My mom and I left to hit up a café. When we came back, I saw Mere Christianity face down, open, on the coffee table. My grandma came back to the living room and sat down and seemed to really be into the book! Even as my mom was watching the tv in front of her, my grandma continued to read. I totally never imagined my grandma to like that style of writing, but He continues to remind me that I must learn to trust Him in all situations and stop trying to control His plans for His children. Praying that she continues to seek Him and that she would be transformed by His spirit.

I’m looking forward to Church tomorrow, although still praying and asking which one He wants us to go to. My unbelieving uncle, during our debate over dinner, actually said that we should take grandma to church – she needs it! Preach it!

Politics and leadership

2011-04-09T08:41:00.000+05:30

On my flight to Shanghai, I was catching up on NYTimes and reading the China Daily, and was surprised to read that my government may shut down? I can’t believe I’m so out of touch with what’s going on! Makes me angry when politics gets in the way of society’s progress. Put aside your discontent and personal self interests and do the right thing boys and girls.

Lisa and I had a good conversation over dinner last night about the government we hail from and the Chinese one that we are sitting in. I learned some Chinese politics in college but more from a historical standpoint and not so much the current situation. But a few times this trip I’ve had conversations with people who have helped me come to the conclusion that the Chinese government does indeed care for their people, despite the lack of some freedoms, and yes, even despite some of their human rights practices. My dad and I had a conversation last week about this topic, and he mentioned that many of the Chinese governmental leaders today are Western trained so they have that broader perspective to bring into play as they work to lead their nation, which will hopefully bring positive change to China and progress our overall global community. I am an idealist...

I believe in the principles of democracy – in basic human rights. I think that’s why I get so moved when I see the uprisings of the people and by the people for the people. Okay, that sounded rather much like Lincoln's Gettysburg address, but it gets across what I’m thinking. But as I think about what’s happening in our country, politics frustrates me. These principles by which our founding fathers began this nation seems to have lost its context as our current political state seems so much driven by self-interest – self-interests of the people, companies, leaders, etc. This is an extreme statement, but we are not all that different from the dictators that are now being toppled or revolted against - that love for power, being driven by the idea that we know what’s best and will do whatever we can to promote that. A key difference though is that we do have the checks and balances in place to stop some of the extreme thinking and extreme actions… but it is also those checks and balances that stymies our progress.

Being in China, Lisa and I debated what is working in this Communist China - what sets them apart from the different countries and governments out there. China has experienced significant economic progress. Based on no fact-based research but simply our opinions and observations, we concluded that it is this concept of "face" that drives China's continued progress. Are there problems, controversies, debates... yes... most definitely... and are the leaders still driven by that love for power and self-interest? Yes...but in a culture of “mian zi” (face), “self” is China as a whole state. The importance is with the image of the whole country to its people and to the world, and less of “self” at an individual leader within the Chinese government. So for example, when there was controversy over the little girl who stood at the Opening Ceremonies of the 2008 Olympics with another girl’s voice dubbed in because that girl with the beautiful voice may not have had as beautiful a face - now, from a Western standpoint, we might say that is totally messed up – totally discriminatory – just wrong – that poor child's feelings... But if you think about it, China makes these decisions to promote the public image of China. They didn’t care so much about the self-interest of the child or the parents of the kid – nothing personal, it’s just about the nation’s image.

For our nation, I wish there was a reset button that would allow us to work through the hearts of each government leader to remind them of their commitment to serve the nation, to look at the Jeffersonian ideals of democracy which our nation was built upon, to teach them what it means to lead and work with each other for the benefit of other.. of the people, despite the philosophical differences.

More and more I’m convinced that leadership is and must be taught, and the only model that seems to effectively work is the one set by JC… someone who served first… someone who loved… someone who had compassion and acted upon that compassion… someone who lived sacrificially… who wasn’t driven by the voices of others… someone who may have felt discouraged at times because even his own followers did not understand but He continued despite that… someone who’s heart broke for the poor and disadvantaged… someone who was mission driven… who knew his purpose… and though he didn’t want his “cup” because it was so hard and painful… he was willing to follow through and complete his mission because that’s what the world needed… to bridge us back to the Father. It was built around compassion, and compassion is a term that is almost looked down upon in our world, especially in the business space, because it feels “soft”. But that is indeed what we need.

The person who I was hoping to meet with in Beijing which I’m super thankful worked out (that was another instance of His timing), has a wealth of experience in the human resources, people development, executive management field. Prior to meeting, we had been emailing back and forth about some of the ideas I’m chewing on, and even with his experience working with senior executives of multinational corporations, he sees a strong need for compassion – a key component that is missing in the way we are taught in both the western and eastern world. Without compassion… no one will listen to you… no one will care… so who are you leading?

Anyways, just some random thoughts on my mind… signing off to put together a project proposal for working with our wonderful friends and family in Calcutta this summer. Lisa and I are sitting at a cool little coffee shop in Shanghai called Amokka. Tonight we’re seeing my good friends – youth group teachers from Princeton back in the day who have a design and architecture firm here in Shanghai (I probably wrote about them on the first leg of our trip to Shanghai as we spent seom time with them then). We’re going to participate in their cell group meeting tonight. I can’t wait!
............
Had a good time at my friends' cell group meeting...studying Acts and the concept of community. It was diverse group of people, from Malaysian to Togo to China to American, with someone as young as a college student studying abroad in China to the majority of folks who were probably in their 50-60s. It was neat to study/discuss His word with such a diversity of ages and life experiences. I wished my parents could be in such a setting and have a community like this to learn and be challenged by. My friends...they were my Sunday school teachers back in the day… it felt kind of weird to be studying again with them...as their peers… but it sure felt sweet. I miss their passion, their faith, their honesty, and the questions they pose that cause you to think hard, feel uncomfortable, and draw near to Him as you challenge your own faith.

China's Little Emperors

2011-04-08T01:24:00.001+05:30

This morning we woke up early enough to watch the frosh students get up for their early morning calisthenics. Every morning around 6:45am, these kids are woken up and forced to come down to the field, check-in, and do these stretches and calisthenics. I can't believe they have to do this... in college. I had to do this one year for Chinese School Camp as a kid... which I thought was ridiculous... but college kids??

The 4 of us loaded up the school bus and worked our way downtown, dropping the kids off one by one until it was just me and the driver. First stop – Ginny had class so we dropped her off at a bus depot downtown, then the train station where Frank and Jenn got off to board their train to Beijing (Jenn’s headed through Beijing back to Harbin; Frank has a biz trip in Beijing), then finally to the airport where I got dropped off.

I’m thankful that I learned Chinese in college… despite forgetting much of it, I can still hold basic conversations in Chinese, and sound like I know what I’m talking about... as long as we don’t start talking specific subject matters – business, culture, politics, all that stuff. Well, not that I understood everything we were talking about but I don’t think he noticed I didn’t have a clue at times. If you’re ever with me when I’m having a conversation in Chinese and I start staying things like “ohh… zhen de ma (really…)..waah (wow)… zhen de… (my intonation rises in question)… oh… shi zhe yang (it’s that way, eh?)…” that’s the signal that I most likely have no idea what the dude is saying. Happened a couple times today but for the most part I understood. It was interesting – we were talking about how difficult it is to raise kids in China nowadays. How kids are all so spoiled now. They all want to wear name brand things. They don’t want to study. They want to eat McDonalds and KFC. We have the one child policy and they are just all so spoiled. They demand so much, and if we can, we work hard and we can’t help but give it to them if we can. And, if you have a son, it’s even more difficult because you need to buy them a house, the ring for a girl, and all that… because in Chinese culture the guy pays for everything, the wedding included. He’s got a son who’s still young, but he’s already thinking about those things! Poor guy. He seemed so sad and distraught by the state of this generation, by the pressures that the kids bring to their parents, and just the overall state of the economy and life in China. We talked some economics but luckily not into great depth because I would have totally been lost there. In English I’d have a hard enough time, let alone in Chinese.

It’s interesting because I feel that I’ve had a couple conversations with drivers and random people about this rising generation of kids. In a recent (different) conversation, the parent was telling me.. we don’t want to spank them nowadays, but then we don’t want yell at them… we don’t know how to manage our kids. It seems to be a real problem that Chinese society is facing, and without much solution or help in mind. A spoiled generation – 10 years ago when I studied in China we were already talking about these one child - 小黄第 - little emperor...spoiled brats. One child, treated like a little emperor by the parents and grandparents on both sides of the family, getting whatever they want. And now, it seems those children have grown and becoming teenagers. The problem is getting worse and worse, a real headache and challenge for Chinese parents, especially those with meager incomes who put everything towards these little emperors...any savings they have. How will they ever retire? How will they ever enjoy themselves?

After I got on the plane, one of those little emperors, a 3-year old, was sitting in front of me – moving around, jumping on his airplane seat, refusing to put on his seatbelt, refusing to sit down, refusing to eat, refusing to listen to his parents. The only person that could appease this little emperor was the stewardess who bartered with him. if you eat your meal, then I’ll give you a special toy… if you don’t sit down and put on your seatbelt, then you’re going to have to stay with me forever and leave your mom’s side. This stewardess must have a lot of experience negotiating with these tiny emperors.

After I arrived in Shanghai, I jumped on the metro to my friend’s office, and am now just doing some work, catching up on emails and life in the Sbux and McD’s across the street. While sitting at sbux…a guy walked straight into the glass window/wall that I am sitting against. A huge loud bang echoed through the store. Poor guy.. that had to hurt… physically… his pride...everything. Pure brillance.

Enroute to dinner at a Portugeuse Chinese / Macau’in meal, we had to stop at xiao yang’s bun store.. oh man, this place has THE BEST sheng jian bao! We had some of these when Jenny was still here in Shanghai and she loved them! So yummy. After a delicious dinner, we headed to meet Lisa’s friends at the Shangri La top floor bar to get a nice view of the Bund and buildings at night. Unfortunately we just missed the lit up buildings and streets! Oh well, it was nice regardless.

hanging with the students

2011-04-07T07:43:00.002+05:30

This morning we headed out to downtown Taiyuan to meet Evergreen, an organization serving the Shaanxi Province. Their organizational story is quite amazing – one of the few, if not the only, publicly Christian organization in China. They were actually invited to come back to work in China in the 90s. Anyhow, we visited their home office and chatted to better understand their work and how they operate, etc., and then had lunch together. Pretty neat org.

We also visited a Christian bookstore! I had a blast there, and spent quite a bit there. I really wanted to find a good book for my grandpa in Taiwan who is new to the faith – honestly I’m not really sure his faith right now – but I’ll be visiting him in the hospital in just a couple days. After asking the staff at the store for some suggestions in broken Chinese, was not coming across so clear, so we ended up finding C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity in Chinese. He’s a reader, even having written an autobiography, so I’m praying he’ll be willing and excited to read this. Also got Streams in the Desert devo book in Chinese, and some other things. The store was also giving away Songs of the Wanderer(?) in Chinese. Praying for the right opps to lighten my now much heavier load.

For dinner we had a local specialty – hand made and hand shaved noodles – in a restaurant that stunk of burning coal. Between Cambodia and Taiyuan and China in general, my lungs are taking a major beating, but it’s all worth it. After dinner, I jumped into some bball games with students – some girls too… thankful the ankle survived, and then sat in the class my friend was teaching. It was an audiovisual / listening class of some sorts, so he was showing Everybody Loves Raymond, and walking through some language and culture topics in the show. It was really cool to see him teach the class, and see the students think and work, and talk to them after class.

good game with the students.

street ball with students - not sure
why my tongue is sticking out.

After we walked in to class (Jenn, myself, and another friend who is teaching at that U), Frank asks the students to guess which one of us is Chinese and which one is Korean. Apparently I look more Korean than Jenn… and I heard that a few times in Beijing too that I look more Korean than Jenny! Sheesh at one point, some lady in Beijing directed her Chinese conversation to Jenny and assumed I couldn’t speak in Chinese but Jenny could!

After the school bell rang, we headed back to their apartment, and I attempted to re-stuff everything back into my bag. My bag was significantly heavier with all the books I had acquired! Shanghai tomorrow… then Taipei on Saturday.

Hiking in Taiyuan

2011-04-06T08:36:00.000+05:30

picnic lunch

Jenn and her olympic
stalk torch

We went on a good half day hike into the mountains by their school. It was a strenuous climb up a few thousand steps (combo of altitude, pollution, and exercise made for quite the lung workout), followed by a casual hike through small villages (where we encountered chickens, turkeys, pheasants, dogs, the beheaded carcass of some animal and its skull across the path, and even snow – yes we even had a snowball fight…sort of) that led to a beautiful scenic view from an old pagoda of the Fen river and dam. It was definitely nothing I had expected – beautiful! And by the way, turkeys really do make the gobblegobble noise – almost like children chattering and giggling away. So fun.

we made it!

village announcement board

jenn and her many dog friends

After the hike, we headed back to the apartment and then participated in a Chinese Bible study. Twas pretty neat to meet and see these brothers reading and discussing His word, and struggle with life being a believer and a student in this world. I had so much more I wanted to say during the study but my Chinese limited me…nonetheless I was happy to be there and get to know some of the students.

forced into eating chicken's
foot. gross.

monopoly deal in taiyuan

We then had a delicious dinner – big plate chicken – basically the restaurant name describes the dish we ate. Chicken and potatos with noodles. Good stuff. Picked up some ice cream bars on the walk back to the apartment, and then played a few rounds of Monopoly Deal. I guess it’s popular everywhere nowadays. Fun times. It’s also been really good to be able to catch up on work and life and things that have unfortunately been neglected the past few weeks in the madness of our schedule.

Anyhow, today was such a blessing to be able to hang out with students, getting to know them, hearing their stories, their struggles and joys, and just “living life” with my friends and their colleagues as they serve the students and community in China.

Enroute to Taiyuan

2011-04-05T08:44:00.001+05:30

This morning I headed out, large backpack in the back, smaller pack in the front, baby carrier style. Trekked out to the subway station and made my way through the jam packed station onto the train. In China, some… many babies are fond of wearing these “kai dang ku” – imagine sweat pants with a large split where the butt crack is located. The train is jam packed so I’m pushed to standing spot only in the middle of the train car. I push my way in and create space on the floor for my large backpack. In the seat in front of me is a young couple, their baby, and the baby’s grandma. I stare at this baby’s bum, exposed by his kai dang ku. The next thing I know, there is a puddle of liquid on the floor of the train by his parents feet. As the subway rocks its way down the tracks, the puddle begins to flow. I prop up my heavy bag onto my foot and hold it up with my arm the whole journey down to my connection point. My arms were shaking by the time I got off to transfer to my train. I gave up on the transfer and hailed a taxi to take me to the train station. Too much effort with the crowds and my luggage… and not worth the risk of having pee covering my bags. Gross.

Jenn and I met at the train station. Mind you, this is the same huge station that my dad and I played where’s waldo at – “coincidentally” we randomly met up at the KFC across the street from the station. We had a quick lunch and headed to the station and onto our train. What was an 11-12 hour train ride now only takes 3.5 hours on this “D-Train”, a quick train with few stops in between. We were enroute to visit my good friends from home – and now Jenn’s friends as well as they are in the same program.

As we walk to our seats on the train, we realize that our seats are not next to each other. So, Jenn asks me to ask the man sitting in the seat next to mine to see if he’d be willing to switch seats with Jenn. As I stand there, slowly pondering the right words to use in Chinese to ask, Jenn walks over and starts speaking.

Jenn: “uh… uh…. 对不起 (excuse me)… 可以 (can… can?)… 那边儿 (that side)… (pointing at her ticket and her assigned seat)… 我的朋友 (my friend).. (then points at me)… 可以 (can..).. uh.. 那边儿 (that side)… uh… 我在那边儿 (I am over there).. 我的朋友 (my friend)… 你... 可以 (you… can?)… 那边儿(that side).. 在那儿（over there). 我的朋友(my friend).. 在这儿(over here) … ok (ok)? Pointing and smiling throughout this entire conversation.. (tammy watches and smiles as this all happens).

Man: “哦哦… 行。 (oh…oh…okay)”.

Jenn: 谢谢(thank you).

We arrive in Taiyuan where our friend picked us up. Despite the poor air quality – Taiyuan supposedly has one of the worst air in the world – most of China’s coal is supplied from here – it is refreshing to be with old friends and relax in their cozy and homey apartment. We had a wonderful afternoon catching up with each other, followed by a stroll through their village, and dinner at a delicious Sichuan restaurant. Oh, and I’m super excited to finally be able to do laundry!!! I’ve never been so excited to do laundry before!

Here are some pics from our wanderings through their village.

date with dad in beijing

2011-04-04T08:55:00.000+05:30

Today was daddy and daughter day. We made our way to the subway where we were once again pushed and shoved and squeezed into and through crowds of Chinese people. You just have to find humor in the whole situation – there’s no point stressing about the realities of life in a big city in Asia with such a large population, especially during a holiday weekend. I introduced my dad to the egg crepe thing that Jenny so loved, and then we headed down towards church. We left a bit earlier so that we could wander around a bit, and also to have breakfast or coffee together. My dad was craving Chinese “you tiao”– fried dough cruellers eaten with soymilk, so we looked all over the area for that. Finally we found one in the basement of Carrefour, of all places. Not on a random street corner or small shop but in a large foreign owned department store.

pops thought this bldg was cool. can
you see us in the bottom left corner?

close up of us in the bldg.

We then wandered our way over to Church. When I was studying in China back in the day, I attended an international megachurch, accessible only by those of us with foreign passports. This Church that we visited today is “above the ground”, a legitimate government recognized house of worship, allowing Chinese and international people to come and worship together. It was such a wonderful experience and so moving to be able to be among so many Chinese localers, so on fire for Him.

Haidian Church

line waiting to go in to service

We then had a wonderful lunch with Jenn and Jonathan, talked for hours, and then pops and I headed to downtown Wangfujing area to wander the shops and check out the street market. Good times chatting up, wandering the streets, exploring… then we headed back onto the subway to meet back up with my dad’s friend / the uncle and family. They offered to have Peking duck for dinner – we (for the record, heavily influenced by dad) opted for pizza, which was a delicious choice. Went to a cool restaurant called Tube Station. Upon entering, the smell of a American food infiltrated my senses and made me feel at home right away… deliciousness. I am such an American.

bye bye Jenny... where's waldo at the beijing train station?

2011-04-03T08:48:00.001+05:30

This morning Jenny and I parted ways with Lisa, well, sort of, and then headed back to the apartment so Jenny could pack up and get ready to head out to the airport. I say we “sort of” parted ways with Lisa because… Lisa was also headed to the airport later today to fly back to Shanghai, and her flight was just about the same time as Jenny’s back to the states. We found it funny that they’d be able to meet up for lunch at the airport because since Jenny and I first arrived in Asia to Shanghai, Lisa has been there. Then, Lisa joined us in Cambodia for the first half of the week and then she headed off separately to Siem Reap. Then she also happened to be in Beijing for business for some of the days we were here too. It’s as if we just can’t get enough of each other… Jenny saw her again at the airport, which I felt was such perfect planning by Him – it gave me some peace of mind knowing she had made it okay on the airport train to the airport… and then I’ll see Lisa again in a few days time back in Shanghai.

As we wandered our way back to the apartment, we stopped at our favorite food carts… the scallion egg fried wonton crepe and jenny’s fav… the fish cake hot dog / kielbasa like meat on a stick. Bellies full, arms weighed down by bags, and off we went through the packed crowds of the Beijing metro system.

Jenny and I parted ways, and then I wandered my way to a McDs to use their wifi and grab a quick snack before I met up with my pops. Jenn Kim stopped by briefly – so great to see her smile!!! And then off I went to meet my pops at the Beijing West Railway Station.

After being squished and sandwiched in multiple directions working my way through the subway and searching in the wrong places for my connecting bus to the train station, then playing “Where’s Waldo” at the train station square filled with a sea of Chinese people, one of which was my dad, with the help of cell phones and large signs, I finally located my dad who was craving pizza… unfortunately we couldn’t find a pizza place nearby so we hit up the second best choice – McDonalds. Yes, if you think I’m American, well, I take after my pops. After catching up for a bit over a McD’s late lunch, we headed up to Tsinghua University to meet my dad’s good friend, and the uncle that’s been helping us out with accommodations and all. On the subway to meet the uncle, my dad, who by the way has been working in China since September, was pointing out to a guy that you’re not supposed to eat on the train (yes, we are a family of rule followers…the guy was kind of making a mess and the train was packed so we didn’t want his food all over us and stinking up the whole train). The guy respectfully said sorry and thank you for letting me know in Chinese – and my dad responds in English… “it’s okay… I just wanted to let you know…” I’m standing there shaking my head and laughing at how American he is. He’s in China and has been in China and yet he naturally chooses English as his first language. I love it!

We finished off our day with dinner with him and family at a famous mutton hot pot place – a traditional Beijing meal. During dinner we shared that we were going to go visit a Church in the morning, and invited them to come along. The uncle’s daughter actually is considering it, mentioning that her daughters might be interested in coming. I was super pumped and am praying that He leads them there!

Oh yeah… Qing Ming Jie.. tomb sweeping holiday in China… not to be confused with Valentines Day. When I met up with my dad at the train station… here’s how the convo went:
Me: dad, is it some holiday or something? There’s so many people everywhere!
Dad: yes, it’s qing ming jie.
Me: what is that… like valentine’s day or something?
Dad: uh.. no… not even close… tomb sweeping day.
Me: oh… woops… totally off. Qing sounds like the word for kiss in Chinese but I guess I had the wrong “qing”.